Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Tis the last day of May.  I think we have had a total of 5 days that had some kind of sunshine.  Yes, here in the city of salt it is a new record for the wettest May in history.  No really, it is.  I saw it on the news.  And we all know that they never tell lies on the news........ :)
Lets move on to this weeks Dear Letters shall we.  They may be good, bad or indifferent, but they are what is on my mind at particular moments during the week.
Dear Mother Nature
It has finally been brought to light that you might be having a little spat with Mr. Nature.  We understand, it happens to the best of us.  But really, enough is enough.  I think you two need to come to a compromise and just know that you are both right in your own ways.  You don't need to continue to prove how powerful you are.  This endless raining crying that you are doing, isn't doing a lot of good.  And all that throwing stuff around is not helpful either.  Please consider a good kiss and make up session with Mr. Nature. 
I have a fabulous idea for you.  I recommend that you put in the moving sidewalk, just like at the airport, to get people through your maze store.  Don't get me wrong, I love your store, but wow, it's like walking a marathon by the time you get done.  Well done on putting the cafe right smack dab in the middle.  Bet that sucker makes a lot of money. 
Dear Denny's
Do you think that in the future, when someone that has just walked a marathon, comes in for a hearty breakfast, it could come to their table hot?  I don't know about most people, but when I put the butter on my pancakes, I would like it to MELT into the pancakes.  I'm not very fond of eating cold food, unlike some people I know.   It wasn't like you were that busy.  You weren't.  Maybe it was because our server was too busy cleaning tables.  I don't know, just do better next time, m..k...
Dear People Reading This Post
Scary things are going on in my office at work.  Think, Toy Story.
(you might want to turn up your sound up a smidge)
I told you so. 

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Legacy Of Heroes

Jenny Matlock
How's your weekend going?  Mine is going great, thanks so much for asking.
It's Saturday Centus time, hosted by Jenny Matlock.   She has gone with a great prompt this week, of which you will find in blue.
As Cindy walked along the wall, her fingers finally traced the name she was looking for. Edward LeBranc. Her father. She thought back to a time, him pushing her on the swing, laughing nervously, as she flew into his arms.

Then he was called to duty. “But papa, you can’t go”, she cried. She held on with all her might as he was leaving. “I will be home before you even know it”, he replied.

When he did make it home, it was in a pine box. Now he was one of the thousands of solders whose names adorned The Legacy of Heroes Memorial Monument.

My thanks go out to all of the men and women that have given their lives for our country. 

Tag I'm It

Michele at Bodacious Boomer decided that we were having a game of tag, and darn it all, I'm it. 

I get to answer some questions, and then play the game with 8 bloggers.  Are you in anticipation?  I am.

Do you think you’re hot?
At the moment I'm a little chilly.  Could be because we have yet to have springlike weather for more than one day the whole month of May.  Oh wait, do you mean Hot Mama, sizzle.  Why yes, yes I am.

Upload a photo that you’re using right now
Is this some kind of trick question.  Like am I using a certain picture on my computer?  Am I using some kind of item?  I'll go with an item.
Need I say more.

When was the last time you ate chicken?
Monday, May 23rd.  Went to our very favorite place, Thai Delight.  Got the Kung Pao Chicken, which they actually call, ummm let me just show you the picture.
Usually I'm not a big fan of chinese Kung Pao chicken because they put peanuts in it.  WAY...TOO...MANY...PEANUTS.  Thai Delight puts cashews in theirs and Thai food is spicy.  Like me. :)  Even tho I go with the mild because wow, medium about killed me the one time I tried that.  The veggies it it are carrots, mushrooms, baby corn (which I always eat at least one of them like Tom Hanks in Big).   Yeah, I'm addicted, so what.

The song/songs you listened to lately.
hmmmm. *scratching head*  Nothing changes by the Moody Blues

Do you have any nicknames?
Not that I know of. 

Tag eight blogger friends.

Who’s listed at #1?
Mark.  Him and his partner have the cutest kids ever.  His blog is one of those that always makes me feel good.  Whoever I found his blog on, sent me to an awesome place.
Say something about #5
June Freaking Cleaver.  I love this woman.  She got me addicted to Saturday Centus and has always encouraged me to keep writing.  Plus there was that time she thought I couldn't go a day without being meanI showed her.

How did you get to know #3?
Baby Sister is the sister of Noelle at Because Nice Matters.  When she started blogging, Noelle asked her followers to check her out.  I fell in like with her blog the moment I read it.  She's cute, and sweet, and she even sent me homemade chocolate chip cookies.  *sigh* Both her and her sister are so nice and actually only live about 30 minutes away from me, so one day I shall surprise them and show up at the nursery they work at.  Oh yeah, I will.

How about #4?
 Christy is the person that got me going on photo taking opportunities.  Again, she is so good at encouraging me to continue and she is a real person.  Works right now in the Customer Service phone type job, and honestly, I take my hat off to her because I would be fired after the 2nd time I told people where they could take it and put it. :)

Leave a message for #6
Dear Opto-Mom.  You always make me laugh.  I have a feeling that if we were ever to hang out, we might be arrested.  But think of the blogging opportunities that would bring. 

 Have a lovey-dovey message for #2?
Oh Joey, what can I say.  The moment I set eyes on you, my heart started racing.  Then, I started reading your posts, and I knew then and there that I was going to stalk you.  But in a good way.  You better watch out the next time you and your partner are in Arizona.  You might just see me peeking in your windows. 

 Do #7 and #8 have similarities?
Angel and Renee.  What can I say.  They both make me laugh.  They are both real people.  Someday I would love to meet both of them.  Renee and I already skype or text all day long.  Angel is too scared.  I kid.  She just doesn't know me that well yet.  I promise Angel, I'm really sarcastic nice.

Ok you lucky 8.  Your turn to continue playing. 

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Frack You Mr. Suburban Dude

Today we middle finger salute Mr. Suburban Dude
Yes, we have all seen him, Mr/Mrs/Miss I'm more important than anyone else on the road, or in this case, at the gas station.

Imagine if you will, me, pulling in to the Chevron ripoff gas station to give rights to my first born fill my tank with gas.  The place is packed.  There is only one pump left.  As I am headed to the pump, Mr. Suburban Dude comes flying into the station and wants to park in ONE OF THE MANY parking places in front of the store.
I am waiting, waiting, waiting for him to go around me.  But alas, he gives me the WTF look, as played below by one of the gullible awesome guys at work.  His face has been changed to protect the innocent.
(sorry about my non-existent photo shop skills)

I go around this piece of crap dude, swing around to the pump, HAVE TO BACK UP, which is not one of my finer skills, then have to straighten out and pull forward/go back till I'm in a good enough position to get my gas.

At this point, I am livid.  I look to see him get out of his vehicle, to see what was so important about taking that one spot.  Oh, he has a medium size refillable glass that he needs to get his mothers milk his drink of choice in.  Dude, are you kidding me?

I sit in my car while my car is guzzling gas.  I watch in my side mirror him walk back to his vehicle, get in and start pulling out.  When he gets to where he is ready to go forward again, he looks over my way. 

So I do what any self respecting, pissed off woman would do
here's to you, Mr. Suburban Dude, my frack you award of the week.

Thanks again to Christy and Boobies for letting me link up.

phew, lets move on to some yummy stuff, shall we.

A Daft Scots Lass
 I'm also linking up with A Daft Scots Lass and her Friday Shoegasm.  Most of the ladies that link up show the newest and coolest heels.  Now that it is still Sprinter good weather, I am into the flip flops/sandals.  Here are two pairs that I have bought for my very own in the last month.
I bought these Unisex Water Buffalo Hippie Jesus Sandals from Bewild.com
They were $14.99 plus shipping and handling of about $10.00.  I love these sandals. 
I got these super comfortable sandals at Kohls.  Sale price $19.99. 
 Can I just say, wearing these is like not having shoes on at all.  Aaaahhhh
Once I make it through today at work, I have a 3 day weekend. 

What MUST I Do

We want to know, is a fun little getting to you know sponsored by the ladies on the above banner.  I know, I should totally link up to all their blogs, but I have a book on my EReader that I just must finish. 
Here are this Wednesdays (done by me on Thursday) questions. 
1.} What must you do before you go to bed at night?
I have to watch the news, through the weather, with Mr. Dazee.  If I don't, it just doesn't seem right.
2.} What is one thing you must snack on at the theater?
Lately I haven't been snacking on anything.  I would do popcorn, but they just don't put enough butter on it for my taste.  Then, if I eat popcorn, I have to buy a coke, so by the time the movie is over I have to pee so bad that I haven't enjoyed the last of the movie.  TMI?

I have to check, double check and triple check that I have my insulin.  Oh, and then pee.

I have to read blogs.  My day just isn't right if I haven't opened up my reader and read & commented.  (unlike Tuesday night when blogger was being a poopyhead and wouldn't let me comment) 

I am finding that there is a lot of things that I have to do in order. 
Brush teeth before getting into shower
Wash hair
Put on conditioner
Wash face
Rinse out conditioner
Wash body
Save legs (if they need it, more in the summer)
I could name more, but you are probably all asleep right now as it is.  So I will leave it at that. 
Now I must go. 
There is an in order of what I have to do before I walk out the door.
5.} Is there something you do that must be done in a particular order?
4.} What is one thing you must do every day?
3.} Before going on vacation what must you do?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Things That Make Me Happy Wednesday

The sun is shining today.  I'm taking advantage because according to the weather, SUN today, RAIN tomorrow, PARTLY CLOUDY  Friday, RAIN Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  Oy.

You take the sun wherever you can get it. 
On Steel Pipe
Or Fire Hydrants

Hummingbirds hanging out on our feeder.  Last night there were two.  One was just sitting there taking in the scenery.  Looking around.  Every once in awhile it would take a swig of the yummy liquid I make for them.  Then mr. mean hummingbird came around and made her move. 

I'm extremely excited that my boyfriend signed another years contract on Criminal Minds

That I have blogs I follow that made me giggle/snort yesterday when I was feeling down.


To all of those that are in the parts of the USA that are being hit by tornado's, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

To Mr. Dazee and my awesome kids.  You are the sunshine that shines brightly even when it is dreary outside.

Must go now, the sunshine awaits.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Dear ........ 5.24.11

You ever had one of those days, when you think to yourself, what did I do?  Me neither. 
Dear Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun. 
Thank you so much for coming out to play on Saturday.   Mr. Dazee has been lovingly referring to me as "his little matchstick".  Have you forgotten that I do not tan, but burn.  Oh wait, that is my responsibility.  Has mother nature grounded you?  I was just wondering since we haven't seen you much in the last month.  It was a happy reminder of our good days together.  Please come out to play again soon. 
Dear Dudes That Work For the Railroad.
I understand that you work with big, huge, trains day in and day out.  But when you get in your own vehicle, you are the worst drivers I have ever seen.  You either try to run me off the road, or drive so slow that I want to hit you.  I also appreciate the fact that choo-choo trains don't have to use signals.  YOU ARE NOT ON A TRAIN.  You are in your car.  Use them. 
Dear Keurig.
I don't know whether to thank you or be upset with you for sending me an email telling me all about your new K-Cup flavor.  Chocolate Macaroon.  Are you kidding me?  I..must..buy..you..with..all..your..hot..goodness..
Dear Beyond Glaze
Please stop putting the drug in your Sugar Cookies that make me crave them.  Especially when I'm having one of those days.  I know, that drug is sugar, but I mean, really.  The stars are aligning just right lately for my car to automatically turn off onto the road that you are on.  I'm thinking I might need an intervention.
Dear Spongebob.
Sometimes I just want to live in a pineapple under the sea. 
Dear Cafe Rio.
I sent you an email (I know, dear readers, you are shocked).  Thank you for finally getting back to me that you have no plans as of yet to come to my fair city.  I hope you enjoyed my reply back telling you that your biggest competition and former partner Costa Vida, IS coming to town.  Just remember, the early bird catches the worm.  They are going to make a ton of money.  Someday, somehow, one of you big corporations that I email we realize that I'm a good judge of what needs to happen. 
With that
See you again next week
Same Bat Day, Same Bat Blog

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Weekend I Wasn't Raptured

What did you do this weekend? I stayed at home, huddled in a corner, wrapped in a blanket, waiting for the world to end, went to our local amusement park, Lagoon, to watch my granddaughter in a dance competition.
Then it was off to ride the rides.  In all fairness, I just went this time as a spectator.  I know, you are floored with an announcement that I, the ever thrill seeker of life, didn't go on any rides.  It's true.  A moment of silence.........
In my defense, last Fall I did ride this roller coaster.  Watch it and weep. (or throw up).  Bwaahaha. 
It truly reflects its name of Wicked.  My above pictured granddaughter, L.O.V.E.S this ride.  She is 8 people.  The first time she rode it she was barely over 6.  She has been on this ride 8 times.  She gets her love of roller coasters from her mom, who, like my other 3 kids, get it from me.  :)
I have to admit.  I felt my age this weekend.  And it sucked.  I have a few things I would like to tell the makers/owners of amusement parks.
There are not enough.  Sometimes I had to make do with the cement enclosures the trees were in.  They are at most 2 inches wide.  My butt is feeling the effects of sitting on such butthurting fine seating. 
Yes, police officer.  I was ripped off while at the park.  What?  You don't find $2.50 a bottle, when you can buy a case of them on a good day for $3.99, a total ripoff?  Alrighty then.
Need I say more.

But then, I'm prejudice.  I'll go as a spectator anytime just to watch them.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Mirror

Jenny Matlock
I have looked forward to this day all week.  I wasn't able to follow along last week, which means I'm ready to get my freak on. 
Jenny Matlock and her 100 word only writing challenge is a favorite of mine.  This weeks prompt is in blue.
The Mirror
As Emily walked into her darkened apartment, she wiped tears from her eyes. She had just left the hospital after saying goodbye to her dearest friend.

“Oh Pam, I’m going to miss you so”, she said out loud. She stopped in front of the antique hall tree that they had purchased not long ago. “We were going to have so much fun, why did this have to happen?”

As she looked at herself, the reflection in the mirror played tricks on her eyes. Pam was right there, and without opening her mouth, Emily heard her say, “I am at peace, all is well”

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Frack, What A Week!

Oh, My, Goodness.  This has been a week.  Where do I begin, to tell the story of what.....oops, wrong song.  Hooking up with Christy and Boobies, because, well, you see, I have a few things to get off my chest.
Speak of a freaking wet week.  Frack you mother nature.  I recorded this video yesterday because we were on our 3rd straight day of rain.  No end in sight.  Don't worry, Mr. Dazee already knows I'm a wack job.  I did warn him I was going to do it.  Just don't watch it honey.   

I'm a smidge weird.  But hey, it's the rains fault.  Or mother nature's.  Whomever you feel like blaming. :)
But hey, check out this even wackier dude.  Yesterday morning, with the rain POURING down, look what zoomed by me.

Notice how well you can see the road and the other drivers.  What?  You can't.  Yeah, say it with me, Dumb A motorcycle dude.  What the frack was he thinking?

Now for the non weather related news of the week. 

I need to give myself a big ole frack you for opening mouth, inserting foot award.
My mouth DOES NOT listen to my brain.  Or better yet, my brain is super mad at my mouth, because it doesn't tell it to not say EVERY, FREAKING, THING that is on my mind.  I want to give a big ole apology to my kids, their spouses, and my grandkids for talking about my funeral.  I will just put it all on a word document so they can find it at the appropriate time.  And ouch, my teeth are digging a big ole hole in my tongue now.  They are trying to help the brain/mouth fight.

I got this new chair at work. 
Yes, it's one of those cool, mesh, make my back feel good kind of chairs.  One thing you need to know.  Think of it as a Dazee Public Service Announcement. 
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, fart while sitting in this chair. 
It does not hide any "signs" of what you just did.  If you do let one rip, by all means, pray with all your might that someone does not come into your office before the room clears out.  You're welcome.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly (its a word, I consulted Dazee Dictionary), I am hereby going to prove to all of you that thought I was a devil woman, that you  thought right.
Horns and all.  :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Because I Just Had To

I fear that I might have pissed off a few followers yesterday.  All those I did, raise your hand.  Now, come here...no, closer.  Closer still.  Put your face right up to the screen.........

Sssssmmmmmmaaaaaacccccckkkkk.  There, now don't you feel better.  I know I do.

I copied these questions a couple of weeks ago from Sunday Stealing's Blog.  Hey, he steals them from someone else, so its only fair. 
 Of course, it was my prerogative to take half of the questions out.  Don't want to bore you too much. :)

Which state do you consider to be the most boring state?
Most people think that Utah is pretty boring.  I live here so I should know.  Hear it all the time, especially when the big baby NBA players are in town.  But actually, I've been to other places *cough, San Antonia, cough* that closed down early.  In all reality, we have skiing all over the state within about a half hour drive, and beautiful canyons in the southern part of the state. In fact, you could ski in the morning, and then head to southern Utah, where it is more like Arizona weather and check out the canyons.
  But most importantly, like I mentioned, I live here. :)  Nothing boring about that.

If any chef from the Food Network (or any well known chef) could cater your wedding, who would it be?
Considering I'm not in the market to have my wedding catered, but would be up for one of them to actually just show up and cook me a meal, of their choice, it would be.......dun.dun.dun...any of the chefs on Iron Chef America.  I always dream that I'm a judge just so I can taste their stuff.  Or how about taste a vision.  Yeah, where the chef's arm comes through your TV and gives you a plate.  I can dream, can't I?

Have you ever questioned the sexuality orientation of a close friend?
No I haven't.  And I honestly don't care either.  As long as the person is a good person, I don't care their race, religion, sexual orientation or political likes.   

  Have you ever washed an iPod or mp3 player in the washing machine?
Having never owned either one, the answer will be no. 

Have you ever screamed / yelled angrily at a boss?
Ummm, I hate to admit it but yes.  You get me riled up just right and off I go.  I know, it will get me fired someday, but hell, I just don't take abuse from anyone. 

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

 Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn't have a clue?
All the time.  You kind of have to.  Especially if it is Mr. Dazee and someone discussing plants, flowers or trees.  Don't even ask me what kind of plant life we have.  I will tell you green trees or that flower is yellow. :)

 Have you ever pretended to be younger than what you are?
I act younger than I am, does that count? 

 Have you ever cried because you were turned down?
Oh yeah.  And it was concerning work, and a raise.  It extremely pisses me off when I cry there. 

 Have you ever pretended to like someone when you didn't?
I usually like someone from the start.  But then, little by little I see their true personality and I will give, and give, and give them a hundred chances of me liking them.  Push me to my limit, and you will know you are no longer my friend.  I need to become a wee bit better at seeing how they really are right from the start. 

There you have it.  More stuff you were wondering about me.  Admit it, you were, I can see it on your face.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dear ....... 5.17.11

Wie geht's? Sehr gut und ya? 
And that my dear boys and girls is the extent of 2 years of German in high school for you.  Also, thanks to my bff Pam for giving me the correct spelling as her parents are German, and therefore she passed that language class with flying colors.  Oh, Herr Bruderer..... but I digress.
It's Tuesday, so we know what that means.  Time for my Dear Letters for the week.  Be they good, bad or indifferent, they are letters I just need to write. 

Dear Bloggers That Do Giveaways.  I, like many of my fellow bloggers, would love to win your giveaways.  But I have to admit, I just can't do the, like me, tweet me, give me a urine sample, and fly to the moon and back, just to be included in the list of people that might win.  Can you please just let us comment and let your best friend Random.Org pick one of us.  I realize my chances of winning are zero to nada, but I would certainly enter a lot more if that was all I had to do.  Thank you for your consideration.

Dear Manufacturers of Cold Cereal Boxes.  After attempting to open a box this past weekend, it came to my attention that it was going to take an act of God to get the thing opened.  Starting with the top flap, and ending with the sealed for your enjoyment plastic paper.  Since when have the laws stated that all cold cereal boxes must be adult proofed?  Used to be you could just pull a little on those suckers and they would open.  Now it is pull with all your humanly strength, finally get fed up and grab the scissors, and spill half of the contents in the process.  Someone needs to go sit in the corner for their brilliant idea.

Dear Readers.  The next two letters have to do with a little problem we had in the complex where I work last week.  Lets just say, it involved the sewer pipes, pumps and drains.   We're talking poop and toilet paper and icky water coming up the sewer drain close to our building.  I know, you just threw up a little in your mouth, but you weren't even there.  Friday while they were fixing the problem, the water to the complex was turned off. 

Continuing on....

Dear Credit Dude Where I Work.  Please, don't ever come into my office again with your water bottle containing mountain dew in it and asking me where we are putting the "trucker bombs".  What are you, 12?  First of all, if your pee is the color of mountain dew, you best be getting yourself to the doctor.  Something is not right in the ole bladder.  Second, I don't know you that well.  That is just sick and wrong, and truly not funny. 

Dear Woman That Left The Diarrhea Bomb Along The Back Of The Toilet At Burger King.   Because of the aforementioned no water situation at work, me and my daughter-in-law decided that we would go get some lunch so we could "use the facilities".  My dear, sweet, share all your diarrhea goodness woman.  I DO NOT like to use public restrooms.  And the great surprise you left me is the reason why.  I just have no words to let you know how much I would like to track you down, and throw up all over you. 

Dear Boys That I Work With At Work.  Dudes, what in the hell do you eat that you are constantly clogging up the toilets?  And why, for the love of mike, do you wait to do it on the very first day back to work AFTER THE CARPETS WERE CLEANED!!!  I already dislike to the bottom of my soul the fact that there is only a wall that separates the 2 restrooms.  But when I go into the women's room, and there is a yellowish, smelly colored HUGE pool of water coming through said wall, I'm going to go postal.  Not to mention the nice new toilet water stain on the FRESHLY CLEANED CARPET!!  Methinks there needs to be a little bit more fiber in your diet if you are clogging up the place.  Just Ick.

I apologize for all the icky letters this week.  But it was my life, and I just couldn't take it anymore. 

Here's hoping that there is nothing but sweet rainbows and unicorns this next week.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Meet Me On Monday - 5.16.11

I love questions.  Java at Never Growing Old is the fine owner of Meet Me On Monday.   More stuff about me you could really give a crap about.  :)

1. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
Smooth.  Have never liked the crunchy.  If I want my mouth full of peanuts I will eat them by themselves.

2. What is your favorite color Rose?
I know this is going to weird you guys out, but my newest obsession rose is the Voodoo one.  So pretty when they bloom.  Why are you weirded out you ask?  Because I didn't say purple.

3. Do you remove your shoes when you walk into your home?
Oh my gosh yes.  I can't stand shoes being on my feet at all times.  Yuk, ick.  Give me hardly any shoe on my foot and I'm a happy camper.  In fact, look at the cute pair I bought at Kohls over the weekend.  Aren't they so cute?

4. What is your favorite season?
I love spring.  I love the trees starting to bloom.  I love the cool yet warmer weather.  But alas, spring has yet to really arrive here in the city of salt.  I won't complain tho.  We will get our 2 weeks of spring and then it will be summer.  Thank you very much mother nature.

5. Approximately how many hours a day do you spend blogging?
According to Mr. Dazee, too many.  But I confess, I probably spend 3 to 4 hours a day, reading your posts, and working on mine.  And if you read my last post, I am addicted and when blogger went down, I screamed, and cried, and went running down the streets in anguish.  ok, not really.  I just went to the window and yelled out, "I want my blogger and I want it now". 

Or not. :)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

My Name Is Dazee, And I'm Addicted To Blogger

Hi, my name is Dazee, *hi Dazee*, and I haven't posted a blog for 3 days. 

I first wasn't able to blog because, well, sometimes computers do crazy things that need maintenance.  24 hours of not being about to do things is just all sorts of bad.  Sweat was pouring down my face, I had the jitters, I was thinking crazy thoughts.  Oh wait, that always happens.  My bad.

Blogger was resurrected, and all was right with the world.  But, why haven't you seen me?  Because I had a friend come up for the weekend, and between eating, movie, eating, pedicures, IKEA, eating, Kohls, and eating I didn't get on the computer once.  I am giddy with joy right now as I type this.  It's true.

I know you are dying to know what movie I saw.  The Bridesmaids.  Oh My Gosh.  Funniest freaking show I have seen in forever.  We were laughing from the opening till the closing.  Thought they were going to have to call in the paramedics to revive me after one part of the show.  I was doing my "trying to start a car" laugh, that my daughter says it sounds like, and couldn't catch my breath.  Anymovies, if you are stuck for a funny movie, go see it.  Unless you don't like adult humor or R rated films.  Just call me Dazee and Siskel. Or Egbert.  Can't remember which one died. 

And now for your viewing enjoyment.

I loved the sister of the groom.  Freaking cracked...me...up.....
Good times.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Beware Of My Brain

Scrambled eggs give you really stinky burps

Poop and toilet paper coming up the storm drain outside of work is gross and stinky

White Chocolate Kit Kats are to die for, oh my.....

I don't get the "if I can't have her/him, no one can" mentality

I don't like it when my kids hurt.  It makes me hurt double

I want to make a trip to Kansas

Sure hope the deer enjoy the irish spring soap we put in the trees.  *evil laugh*

There must be a crunched up, side car door, convention going on.  Sure seeing a lot of them on the road

I wonder if there is a good chick flick to see this weekend?

I need gas.  Best go take out a loan

Our one outside sales guy really needs to learn to leave my office when I'm on the phone.  Honestly, dude, I'm going to hurt you

Good thing the women's restroom door has a deadbolt.  The men's restrooms are a bio hazard zone

Having a girls weekend with my friend Machaelle.  Watch out Salt Lake City!

A Special Wednesday Dear Letter

Dear Stupid Ass Pediatrician
How did you graduate?  At the bottom of your class most likely.  How can you diagnose a 3-1/2 year old with pneumonia, prescribe antibiotics and not schedule a visit to see if it is working.  Better yet, how can the 7 year old brother have a well visit, 3-1/2 year old is in the room coughing, that you just saw on Friday, and YOU DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO HER CHEST!!!
Thank goodness yesterday was your day off.  Thank goodness her mother had the "mothers gut feelings" going yesterday and called.  Thank goodness the pediatrician she saw today has more on the ball.  Thank goodness my grandchildren are going to have the doctor seen yesterday as their new primary care doctor.
You see, dear worthless doctor.  Because you didn't check, Miss A had to have an albuteral treatment, then another chest x-ray.  Guess what?  Her pneumonia has moved, started going into her other lung, and parts of her lung were starting to collapse.   Even the nurse who was checking her in was concerned enough that she went into the room that the doctor was in and told him he had to see Miss A immediately.  Oxygen level is borderline.  She was almost admitted to the children's hospital.  Phone calls were already made to the on-call doctor in case her parents needed to take her in overnight. 
Dear Doctor that Saw Miss A Yesterday
Thank you for trying to get to the bottom of the problem.   I'm not sure I'm excited about the diagnosis of Asthma, but at least we know what she is up against. 
What is up with this Asthma crap?  My cute little Miss O was diagnosed with the same thing this past winter.  I know that Mr Dazee has it.  I guess he wanted to share the joy with 2 of his granddaughters. 
Dear Stinking Rotten Never Ending Winter
Would you freaking end already.  Constant snow, and now rain since November is not letting the bad air out into the atmosphere.  We need some warm temps.  High 40's to low 50's does not constitute spring.  GO AWAY!! I beg of you.
Rant over.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dear...... 5.10.11

Can you believe it is Tuesday already.  At first I didn't think I was going to have anyone to write letters to this week.  But never fear my little buck-a-roos, I would never let you down.
Dear Rain.
Go away.  Please go somewhere else to play.  We do not need the moisture here right now.  We are over our snowpack levels for the year.  There is already some flooding going on.  We certainly don't need you to rain for 24 hours straight like you have been.  We are no longer friends.  I'm not talking to you anymore!
Dear Hotmail.
Why are you sporadically sending my emails to my phone?  You need to get on the ball or I might just change to a different emailer.  How do you feel about that?  You need to be scared, very scared!!
Dear Insurance Companies.
You suck the big sour pickle.  Talking businesses into the fine and dandy crappy Flex Plans.  What the hell ever you dillweeds.  You have made premiums so high that companies are delighted to go to these plans.  These plans are a big rip off.  Especially if the company decides not to put Maternity on the plan.  (no, I'm not pregnant, that would take an act of God).  Just ask the dude I work with whose paying for each doctor visit, and it doesn't go towards his $2600 deductible.  And if there is a complication, too bad so sad, you might have to sell your house, or take out bankruptcy.  Can't wait till the big ole Karma Bus comes to pick you and your agents up.
Dear Family.
Thank you so much for making this Mothers Day one of the best I have ever had.  Thanks for the homemade rolls, the cream cheese appetizers, and the homemade strawberry shortcake.  Feast your eyes, my loyal readers.  My kids are keepers.
Dear Miss O.
Thank you for sending Grammie a video you made specially for me.  I loved the whole thing and laughed out loud over the last part of the song.
Dear Readers of My Blog.
Here is the video she made and had her mom send to me.  She is 4 and has the best imagination ever.  Listen really close at the end of the song.  She will crack you up.

Until next week.
Love and Kisses,

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Questions From My Little Flock Of Chicks

Mothers Day.  You usually love it or hate it.  I'm of the love kind.  I know that I wasn't a perfect mother, but my kids love me.  They may not always like me, but love, I beat into them has always been there.

I asked them to each give me a question for me to answer.  I'm answering them in the order that I received them.  Mixing it up a little instead of the oldest first thing that I always do.  Anyquestions, here we go.

Gosh Justin, could you have come up with anything harder?   Ok, here it is.  National Sluff Day.  You could sluff work, school, church, anything.  Everyone allowed to sluff.  Of course, it would have to be on a weekday since most people are going places they don't necessary want to be.  When would it be?  Hmmmm, how about the 2nd Wednesday of *thinking, thinking*, August.  Yeah, that's good because I think that is the only month without a holiday.  There.  moving on.

First of all Brandon, ANY vacation would be nice.  *blowing raspberries*  I kid.  At this point in my life, I would say anywhere that I could talk, force get dad to go to.  I've actually had my thinking cap on lately, and would love to go on some kind of historical vacation.  Most likely back East.  Just being places that historical events happened would be cool.  Hopefully I won't cry my eyes out like I did when I went to Dallas and went to the grassy knoll.

These questions are getting harder.  What is it with you guys?  Dream job, dream job?  OK, here goes.  Don't laugh.  Exotic Dancer!  hahaha, gotcha.  My dream job would be living off the inheritance of my wealthy grandparents.  What?  You have to have wealthy grandparents to be able to do that?  Dang it.  I guess I will never get this one then.  In my next life, I'm going to ask for wealth.  Since I totally must have said I wanted beauty and brains in this life.

Phew, an easy question.  If I could have a superpower it would be to be able to twinkle my nose like Samantha Stevens (Bewitched for all you young'uns) and have everything just happen.  Need a new dress, DONE.  Need the clothes washed, dried, hung up or folded, DONE.  Go on the vacation of your choice, DONE.  Fix a gourmet meal without all the mess, DONE.  The list goes on and on.

Really David?  What the? After thinking long and hard, a few minutes, ok, all freaking Saturday afternoon, about this one, I have finally come up with the answer.  *clearing throat*  The Raven, quoting Edgar Allen Poe (and my non-understanding of this poem, just saying)
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore".  (Quoth, as per dictionary.com, verb: another word for said)
First of all, if I have to look up a word in the dictionary in a poem, I'm not liking the poem.  Got it, moving on.
How are they alike?  I have no freaking idea.  They are nevermore?  The raven is sitting on the writing desk that is at the antique shop?  Because most people don't have a writing desks anymore, with the advent of computers?  Yeah, that sounds good.  *breathing, breathing*

What a great question.  First of all, I would go down the meat aisle and grab as much meat as possible.  Then head over to the coffee aisle and throw in tons and tons of K-cup coffees.  I guess at that point I wouldn't care which flavors, just throw those babies in.  How much time do I have left.  Gosh, I'm breathing so hard.  Think Dazee, think.  Clothes, no, shoes, no, too many different sizes and styles.  I know, the go-cart department and get a one of them for the grandkids to ride around on.  I think that is probably all the time I would have.  Then as I staggered to the finish line, I would pass out from all the running.  What?  Have you seen the size of those Super Targets?  You'd pass out too.

What fun questions they came up with.  I am so lucky that I have the children and children-in-law that I have.  As you can see, they rock!