My New Pet Alfred..........

Oh my gosh you guys.  I have some very, very important news to share with you.  After many years of not having a pet, I decided to bring a new one into my home.  

INTRODUCING ALFRED

Isn't he just the cutest thing ever!!!!!

He has been the best pet.  Always there for me, no matter where I go in the house.  Sitting by the computer, surfing the web.

Sometimes, even laying his little head on my leg, keeping me company.  

Of course, he kind of acts like a child and follows me into the bathroom.  "Dazee, Dazee, don't leave me", I hear in his little fly voice.

Other times, he will sit, ready to pounce on my food, trying his hardest not to eat it, until I'm done and move the plate over to him.  If I am feeling nice, I will drop little morsels for him to snack on.

I really don't like it when he gets a smidge mad at me and hits me in the face.  We've had to have a little sit down talk about it, and I've told him more than once I'm going to swat his little butt if he doesn't behave.  He had to go out to the tree and bring me a swatter that I can keep around me to remind him of our deal.

Of course, his favorite time with me is when its time for bed.  I get all settled in, my eyes, drowsy, ready to hit dreamland, and I hear his little voice whispering in my ear.......buzz, buzz, buzz.  

Oh Alfred, I fear our time together will be short.  I will surely won't miss you, my friend, but all good times must come to an end.

So, What Do You See

Once upon a time, in a doctors office not so far away

An x-ray was taken

Being that I was allowed in the room to speak to the surgeon

(ok, I don't need permission, I was just in there)

An x-ray was brought up on the computer screen.

(Um, ouch, look at all that hardware, but I digress)

The surgeon and his very yummy fine looking assistant

explained what the procedure that was to happen the next day would entail

While staring at the x-ray, my eyes were caught on the

strange creature on the screen

My cousin April and I, being the wild and crazy kind of gals that we are

decided to NAME THAT CREATURE.

The surgeon left the room, but McDreamy stayed in to answer any more questions

I asked him to "Name that Creature"

Oh doctors, they get so used to seeing x-rays

they don't even notice anything 

Finally,  he saw the creature, and said

"I would have never seen that"

Well, in truth, he didn't say that, it was more like

Dazee:  What is this?

McDreamy:  That's gas

Dazee & April:  What the???? You don't see a creature?

He did see it and played along with our game

And now, being the kindhearted soul that I am

I'm inviting you to play along

Go ahead

NAME THAT CREATURE

(Just don't tell my mom I told you all it was gas, she might disown me)

So I'm Feeling Like An Alien Today

Is it just me, or some days does it feel like you aren't the real you.  You are flying above the earth, just watching what is going on.

No, I haven't been drinking, doing drugs, or taking Nyquil.  

First of all, I was cleaning my toilet bowl

(Not me nor my toilet bowl)

I know, ick

And the darn brush decided that it wanted to be two different pieces.  I thought that was just dang nice of it.  Other than the fact that it decided to do this after I flushed, then I was all afraid that the brush was going to try to go down the drain, and then Mr. Dazee would have been mega mad because I would make him come in and clean up the mess.  What?  You don't do that.  It's kind of like when you see a spider when you are all alone and you kill the sucker, but if there is a man around, "help, poor little me, I can't stomach getting it".  

I know you have just lost some awe in me.  Sometimes I just want to be a girl.

And furthermore, I'm not sticking my hand, IN TOILET WATER, to reach a brush that has just cleaned ick off of the bowl.  But you would have been so proud of the fact that I held on to that little fracker with the other part until it wouldn't go down the drain.  

Flitting on....

I've also been watching the news since Sunday about Josh Powell killing his kids and himself.  I have been sickened by everything he has done, FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS.  I shouldn't let it bother me as much as it does.  I don't have a cold heart, but I truly hope that he is not in a nice place.

Sidebar:  Unless you have wronged me in some way, then I have no love for you, and that includes you, El Fatto Matto.

I think this is why I'm feeling alienlike today.  Trying to rationalize how a coward, can take an axe to his kids necks, and then start a fire.  

More flitting

That and I've been playing 18 different games of Words With Friends.  

I tried to stay away.

I really did.

Does anyone know the number for WWFA

(words with friends anonymous)

And don't even get me started on my Pinterest addiction

When Texting Is Out To Get You

Something you don't know about me is that my phone goes everywhere with me.   Yesterday I was taking a shower and started having a conversation with my good friend.    After the shower weirdo's.  I don't take into the shower with me.  Gosh

Here is how it went

D = Dazee

F = Good Friend

UP = Unknown Person

D:  Don't be shocked but I'm naked texting you

F:  You will have to wait for the pics.  And LMAO

D:  Hehe, I first read that as "you wanted to see pics"

F:  ROFL

D: So I was trying to see how I could do it without throwing you into a panic

F:  And what did u decide

D:  Not to do it.  I don't want to be the next Anthony Weiner

F:  Yeah, please don't do that.  I don't know what that could bring

D:  Lol, maybe more followers

UP:  Whose This?

D:  I just got a text from a 608 area code asking "whose this"

F:  What's the number

D:  6085555555

F:  I don't recognize that one

D to UP:  Is this Susan?

D:  I started getting weirded out it was "the creeper"

F:  That isn't "the creepers" number

UP:  No...

D:  Then I have no idea who you are and how you got my number

UP:  Well, I'll enlighten you a bit...you sent me a text

D:  When did I do this?

UP:  It said, "So I was trying to see how I could do it without throwing you into a panic

D:  wow that is weird.  I just sent that to a friend in the 608 area code.  sorry

UP:  I'm in that area code and you did put me in panic mode...I thought maybe I blacked out and got taken advantage of ;)

D:  Lol.  I'm sorry.  I hope you have a good day.

D to F:  Omg, they got the text about I was trying to see how I could do it without throwing you into a panic

F:  The lines have to have screwed up

D:  Wow, good thing I didn't send the picture

F:  Lmao.  You wouldn't have anyway

D:  I know, but that's what the weiner dude did

D:  It could have ruined by blogging career

F:  That's right.  It could have been disastrous!

And this is why you should never send "naughty pics"  through texting.

You're Welcome

Oops, Pushed The Wrong Button

I had a dream Friday night that I won a beautiful, dark red, convertible corvette for Mr. Dazee.  Its his dream car (of which I'm sure it is many men's).  I was a smidge sad when I woke up and it was just a dream.  He was so excited and happy.  

So, I'm thinking, if any of you are doing a corvette giveaway, please let me know.  I would love to try for that one.  Maybe my dream was a premonition of a big win on a giveaway.  Or Not, most likely.

I also won a boat.  It was an awesome boat.  One like I've never seen before.  I'm thinking it's because my good friend Christy has a boat.  Ok, her husband has a boat.  

Speaking of Christy.  The other day we were texting away.  I decided that she needed her own ring tone, so I'm searching through my sounds to find one.  The thing was, I kept pushing the freaking green call button instead of the menu button.  After 3 times of luckily seeing it before it went through, my luck ran out.  Oh, I got to the list of sounds, but then all of the sudden, there is a strange "sound" coming from my phone.

"Dazee, Dazee, is that you".  

Ummm, since when did that sound show up on my phone.  Hmmm.  Look at my phone, dang, I've connected with her mad mind.  Yikes.  What do I say?  

"Well, hello Christy, so nice to finally put a voice to your texts"

(that was me pretending to be like, yeah, I called you on purpose)

Ok, I fessed up.   

Told her I really didn't mean to call her.  Why, you ask?  Because, well, the thing is, I'm actually kind of terrified of talking to people in person.  Not like in person, but on the phone.  I'm always afraid that I will sound stupid and dumb and they can't see my face and then they will be like, omg, she is such a farce, and then they will defriend me, and block me from their phones and I will be all sad and crying and I will end up not blogging anymore, and .......

whoa, hold on there cowgirl...

But guess what?  She didn't do any of that.  Turns out she had wanted to call me but was afraid I would be all, "why the hell are you calling me you weirdo".   We talked for quite a while and it felt like we had been friends forever.  We made plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas, ok, we didn't, but it sounded good, right.  I had a blast and now we text even more than we did before.

I bet some of you are thankful I don't text you.  I'm a text stalker.  I will drive you c.r.a.z.y.  I will randomly just say something.  

Just like another friend I have recently made.  You know her as Boobies.  She texted me the other night that she was semi-drunk.  I answered her back.  "You are drunk in a semi?'  And oh my, I can't even tell you where it went from there, except that we need to sell the movie rights to someone.  :)

I love how the blogging world has made it possible to make friends all over the world.  Now, if texting to places outside of the US was part of my unlimited texting plan, even more of you would be on my stalking list.  

Mmwwaaaa-hhhhhhaaaaaaaa-hhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa

So Ok, I'm A Big Goonball

Saturday, Mr. Dazee and I made a little trip down to Linden, Utah.  Now, I know you are thinking to yourself, why on earth would you go there.    Mr. Dazee has been looking at playground bark for a play area we are doing in our backyard.  (we don't spoil our grandkids, stop it).  

Last year when I started blogging, I would take note of what blogs people were talking about.  One of them was Because Nice Matters.    I went over and checked her out, and fell in love with her blog immediately.  She was so sweet and lovable, I just had to follow along.

One day, Noelle mentioned that her little sister was starting a blog.   Would we please go over and check her out.  (That's how nice Noelle is, I would have been all up in your face, telling you to get your butts over there right now).  Off I went, like a good girl, and a friendship was born between me and Baby Sister at La Esquina de la Estrellita.  Now, because I'm not the brightest bulb in the lamp, I couldn't tell you what her blog name means in English, but me and baby sister have become good friends, even tho she is young enough to be my daughter.

Getting back to me being a goonball.  I emailed Noelle because their family owns a nursery.  They are only about 25 miles away from where I live, so we were off to look at their playground bark.  

My heart was all a-twitter.  I was FINALLY going to meet some of my blogging friends.  The whole way there, I was sooooo nervous.  What if they think I'm fat and ugly?  What if they think I'm way too weird for them?  What would I say?  I was torturing myself.  

We get to Linden Nursery .  Mr. Dazee goes off in search of the bark.  I went in search of Baby Sister.  I go to the front desk, and ask if Baby Sister is there.  Ok, I asked for her real name, but I almost asked for her blog name. :)  They tracked her down and said she would be up to the store in a minute.   This is the point where I began to fidget, and pace and wait....and wait....and finally, I hear the side door open, I look down the hall and there they were..........

  

Baby Sister is on the left, Noelle, who is 2 weeks from having little Emily, is on the right.  Honestly, she doesn't even look like she is due for another couple of months. 

Ok, here is the goonball part.  I hope you are sitting down.  Envision if you will, Dazee, in all her glory, running slowly, arms outstretched, giggling, tears coming to her eyes, as she runs closer to these 2 girls, and embraces them in the biggest group hug ever.  I couldn't even speak.  I got too emotional.  Honestly, what in the hell was up with that.  They were speechless.  (I probably scared them to death)  I got to meet Mama Smurf, and another one of their sisters (who informed me she doesn't blog, I'll forgive her, she doesn't know what she is missing).    I didn't want to leave.  I wanted to just stay, and talk, and I kept hugging them, and I'm just a goonball.  What can I say.

Now, because I really need to prove that I actually met them, Mr. Dazee took a photo of all three of us.  

I'm the one in the middle (hahaha, like you didn't know)  Don't I look like a goonball.  All twitterpated  being in their presence.    

A word to the wise.

There are more of you I want to meet.  I won't be able to contain my excitement.   If we meet in an airport, be prepared to be embarrassed when I do my run with outstretched arms.  

I will meet more of you.  It's a promise.  

One last thing.

This is Miss L

Today is her 9th birthday

Happy Birthday my beautiful girl!!!!!

Things That Make Me Go Eww, Yuck, And Throw Up A Little In My Mouth

  Today, I'm going to talk a little bit about things that might gross you out.  So, if you are easily

throw-up-able, you might just want to not continue. 

First item of business.  Blowing your nose in a restaurant. 

Take a look at this.

Not only is nose blowing dude, blowing his nose, but apparently he is going to be making a speech.  "Let me stand in front of all of you to speak, and blow my nose".  Please, please, DO NOT LOOK AT THE SNOT ON YOUR HANKY!!!.  Oh man, he did.  I also like the expressions on the peoples faces.  Of course, the women are disgusted, some of the men are, but other men have a smile on their face.  A smile on their face?  Is this because they are all like, "haha, that's funny", or "oh my, are you really doing that?" 

I'll give you a minute to digest that last picture............waiting..............waiting............moving on.

The shoe, plastic bag of goodies, belt bin at the airport.

I know, the least of your worries at the airport is

"I wonder what kind of person's shoes were just in this bin?"

"I wonder how often they clean these bins?"

"Do they just throw them back at the beginning of the line when they are running low?"

Let's say, Mr,  I don't shower, EVER, just went through the scanner. "Oh dear, I need a bin, oh good, here comes the PSA dude with some more".  It's the dudes bin that just went through.  Gosh, I hope he didn't have a fungus on his feet.  He was just wearing those flip-flop things.  What is that at the bottom of this bin.  A freaking toenail.  Are you kidding me?  (Wait a minute, I'm having an issue of keeping my breakfast down.  Gulp.)

They really need to start handing out huge plastic bags to put our stuff in, and then put it in a bin.   How about Lysol wipes, are we allowed to carry those on, or are they on the "combustible list".  I really am kind of speechless at the moment, just thinking of all the things that are put in those bins.  And the people's cleanliness habits. 

I'm going to my happy place.  I'm going to my happy place. 

Thanks little Bro for bringing this subject up to me. 

Happy Travels.  Bwaa-haa-haa

I'm....B.a.c.k.....

Did you miss me?  No?  Well, I missed all of you.  I was out of town with my cousin and another friend.  We had a girls weekend.  No hubbies, no kids, no adult supervision.  :)  To say we had a blast is an understatement. 

Here's the deal.  I drove myself up to Idaho.  It was a 4 hour drive from my house to the cuz's house.  I got a little bit slap happy.  There was nothing but a lot of empty land.  I was singing random songs to myself.  All of the sudden, I had a scathingly brilliant idea.  (my tribute to The Trouble With Angels, I love that movie).  I digress.

I recorded a little video of myself.  Please enjoy.  And at one point I dropped my camera.  All is well. 

 If you weren't scared of me before, I'm pretty sure you are now.    

Channeling My Inner Pink

 This song has been rolling around in my head since Saturday.  Why you ask?  Well, I've channeled my inner Pink. 

Of course, she's young and skinny and very, very rich.

Me, on the other hand, thinks I'm young and skinny.  I got extremely tired of my hair hanging in my face by Saturday last week.  Went in to Evette and said, let's go short and sassy. 

To say I went totally off the wall for me is an understatement.  Hubby's reaction, "it's short".  (I did warn him)  The guys at work love it.  Go figure.  One of these days I'm going to get it to stand straight up like Pink's.  Of course, she has hairdressers that do it all the time, and mine has natural curl.  But hey, come this spring and summer, I'm gonna rock the short hair and tats. 

What?

Weird Me Friday

K, I realize this is Friday, but I'm linking up to TLCFree2BMe Weird Me Wednesday.  You see, on Wednesday, I just had no writing Mojo.  But I'm back.  Yee-haw



First for the not weird.  This picture just does not do the filth on my car justice.  That is road spray from the never ending white crap that we call SNOW!!  That is salt.  Believe it or not, my car was sparkling clean last week.  Now it just looks like crap.  Also notice the cute pink hand cart that someone was so kind to leave right by my car.  Did I mention it is pink?  Our big, tough guys use pink hand trucks.  Cuz customers are less likely to steal them.  :)

Now, for the weird me statement.  ah hum, just need to clear my throat for the big announcement.  Remember how I told you I tear my twinkies in half to eat them.  This is how I eat my cookies.   

First of all, you have to twist the cookies apart.  I was lucky enough yesterday to have 3 different flavors going.  You start with the filling side, put the other side on top, and so on and so on.  Then you eat one piece at a time.  One nutter butter, one oreo, one oreo cream, one nutter butter cream, repeat.  Add a big ole glass of milk on ice, sipped through a straw of course, and you are in heaven.

Please do not worry about me.  I embrace my weirdness. 

 

Weird Me Wednesday 1.26.11

TLCfree2bme at Shhhh! Just Between U & Me does a little blog hop called Weird Me Wednesday.  Because we all know I'm weird, I decided to join in the fun. 

My Weird Me of this Week

I don't eat Twinkies the conventional way, one bite at a time.  I will tear it in half, the top from the bottom, smear the cream evenly, and then eat each half by themselves. 

Spill it, what do you do weird?