Dear.......Waddaah

Today, I have a very special Dear Letter.  Yes, It is truly an emotional moment for me.
Dear Waddaah,Waddaah you saying to me?  hahaha, cracking myself up, just had to say that.
Yesterday, as I opened up my work email, there it was, a very special email from you.Oh my gosh.  My first facebook friend request from someone in another country.  My heart was going pitter-patter.  It surely was.  But my Dear Waddaah, having been taught by the IT department to NEVER, EVER open an email if I didn't know the person, I decided to go check you out.
I went to Facebook, and searched your name.  I just needed to find out more about you before giving myself to you freely.  This is Waddaah I saw.  Giggle-snort.You were no where to be found, my friend.  I was shocked and amazed that you would toy with my heart that way.  Maybe you just wanted to send me a virus.  I hear guys like you are like that.  Maybe if I had opened the email, I would have found your real name.  Yeah, that's what it is, you were going incognito.  Damn, I wish now I wouldn't have been so quick as to click the delete key.  My bad.
But, being one to never let things get me down, I think that I found the "real" you in all my searching.Oh, be still my beating heart.  
"Oh sweet mystery of life I've found you"I am overcome with admiration of you ear piercing.  I know you have done that just for me, so as when we are walking down the street I can ever so lovingly twine my fingers into the hole.  Such a sweet, sweet man you are to think of a way to hold "hands" without them being chopped off by your village.
But the most exciting thing is your lower lip.  Oh baby.  There is nothing that turns me on more than being able to put a morsel of food or tasty dessert on your little plate and watch you slowly get it into you mouth.  No, no really, I'm not gagging while watching you, its just a custom where I come from.  A sign of true love.  Not only that, but I'm sure when you take you special "plate" out, I can grab a hold of your sick and wrong lovely lip and drag you home for the night.
But alas, Dear Waddaah, I am a married woman.  I can not be your "friend".  Mr. Dazee would not take kindly to the fact that a man of your appearance has requested my friendship.  Some things are just not possible. 
Never give up the quest for finding the woman of your dreams.
All my love
Dazee

Dear Workmares.......And Some Imitating......

It's been a couple of weeks since I have done any Dear letters.  But sit down and get comfy for some letters to my fellow MALE coworkers.
ah hum (clearing of throat)
Dear Guys That Have To Outdo Each Other In The Noise Level.  TONE IT DOWN.  Geez.  I'm pretending trying to work here.   I understand that one of our outside salesmen is in the office, and he talks freaking loud, but you do NOT have to try to outdo him.  Honestly, I'm going deaf in here.
Speaking of loud outside salesman
Dear Outside Salesman.Dude, CLEAN OUT YOUR EARS.  Freak, maybe you talk so loud because your ears are so full of wax and dirt that you can't hear.  Furthermore, DO NOT stand next to us girls when talking to us.  You are short.  We can see in your ears when we are sitting.  It is gross and disgusting.  How does your wife stand it?  Yuk, getting that huz feeling.  (huz description when I was a mere teenager, the rolling of the stomach which is about to spew forth its contents). 
Dear Freakoide Named Goober.What the hell.  You decide to "call" the company phone number, when you are a mere 100 ft away in your office, instead of dialing one of our EXTENSIONS, to ask a stupid question.  Of which the question was akin to "is so and so here".  Get off your lazy butt and walk in and ask us.  Calling the phone number.  Really?
Dear Speed Message Sender On Voice Mail.SLOW THE FREAK DOWN.  You are not trying out for a "small print at the end of any commercial" fast talker.  Especially when you are leaving a phone number.  DO NOT give it like this9995558888 (that was super fast talking, as if you couldn't tell, just go with me on this one)Be kind, so we don't have to listen to you ramble 2, 3, or 4  times to get the number.  Repeat after me.999 . . . . . 555. . . . .88..88All of Voicemail listeners will thank you.
Dear Monotone Sales Reps.Good heavens.  Put some pep in that talk.  There is nothing worse than listening to your "schpeal" in the same voice inflection the whole time.  Do you hear that snoring?  That is me listening to you.  Can't even imagine what it must be like to be your kid being scolded.
Dear Freaking CancerYou suck.  You suck so bad that you have affected the life of our Fire Inspection Guy.  Who didn't let us know.  Until we had a fire alarm problem and I called at 7 in the morning and woke him up.  Then I got the bad news.  He has cancer.  His brother is taking over the business.  Do you know how badly it affects me when to hear a grown man cry.   Damn you cancer, I hate you!!!!!
Now, lets all take a breath and go on to some good letters, shall we.
Cleansing breath.........and out
Dear Gillian at A Daft Scots Lass. Would it bother you tons if I started using the word PLONKERS.  I love that word.  I love how you call us that when you are talking to us in your blog.  According to urbandictionary.com this is what it means
PLONKERS

Nursery word for poos, after the 'plonk' they make when they hit the water.

Oh look, you forgot to flush the toilet and it's full of plonkers!

Hahaha.  She's calling us pieces of poo.  I love it.  I think I will just start calling the guys at work plonkers.  It fits them to a T.

Dear Todd at No Rain On My Suede

I already told you I was going to steal this word.  At least my readers know I ask permission before I just steal it.  And what is the word that I love and adore

BREASTICLES

Can you hardly stand it.  Next time I go ask for a raise in pay, I'm going to gird up by breasticles and be tough.  Yeah, watch me, I'm going to do it.  Stay away from me.  I'm a woman with guts err breasticles.

Wow, I can not even believe how liberating this post was today. 

Until next time.

Dear.....7.26.11

Well, hidee-ho neighbor.  Tuesday is once again upon us.  Yippity-Skippity.  That means you get to hear me rant write my Dear Letters, be they good or bad.  Let us begin.
Dear Lady Adjusting Your Breasts In The Grocery Store Parking Lot

FYI, parking areas where men and children are, is not the place to be adjusting the boobage so that the headlights are pointed in the same direction.  Please refrain from doing so.  Also, if your friend is with you, please don't allow her hands to help you adjust.  In other words, get at room.  Thanks

Dear Businesses Whose Invoices Are The Exact Size As Your Envelopes

Please get either smaller invoices, or bigger envelopes.  When opening them with my handy dandy battery operated letter opener, it slices your invoice in half.  Tsk, tsk.  Not a good thing.  If there happens to be a check in there, way not a good thing.  It won't cost you that much more.  Honestly, do the letter openers of the world a break.  We don't like to have to repair YOUR stupidity with our tape.

Dear Speedster Woman In The Dodge Caravan On The Free-In-Way

I'm sorry that your vehicle just isn't as good looking as mine.  I'm sorry that I was ONLY going 5 over the speed limit during semi-rush-hour traffic.  I'm sorry you were trying to get away from my good looking driving machine. But really, you were not doing anyone on the road a service by being a stupid idiot driver.  Weaving in and out of traffic to get around ME, because I was in the fast lane, going as fast as everyone else in the fast lane.  And just because you are driving a minivan doesn't mean the cops will not pull you over because they feel sorry for you.  They will pull you over if you are SPEEDING AND WEAVING.  Get it?  Got it?  Good!!!

Dear Chocolate Mint Bettercreme Cake Slice

I HEART YOU.  No really, I do.  I love your chocolately cake, your mint bettercreme frosting, and the Andes Mint stuck in the top.  I dream of you often.  I have tried to stay away from you, but my dear, it is just unbearable.  I await your next arrival in my grocery cart.

That is it for this week.  You better watch out tho, YOU could become my next Dear letter.  bwaa-haa-haa

Dear......7.19.11

Welcome back to another edition of Dazee's Dear Letters.  Where I write a letter to those that either need to be yelled at, or those that deserve an atta-boy.

Dear Self Scanners At My Local Smiths Food Store (Kroger)
(yes, I know this is the picture from the ones at Home Depot, shut up)

I am a woman of the 00's.  (that's the 2000's for you that don't know my lingo).  I'm all about using the scanner if it is going to save me time.   But could you please have your little computer lady speed it up.  By the time she tells me to put in my "alternate ID number" I have already done so and made sure it took it.  This is not my first time at the rodeo, dear scanner.  I know the rules.  If you are buying produce, PUT THE CODE IN FIRST, then put the item on the weigher thingy.  Don't be 3 steps behind me.  I also saw the , skip bagging little touch thing so I pushed that so I could throw gently put the watermelon in the basket.  Don't be getting all huffy and telling me that the Cashier has been notified.  I'm lightyears ahead of you.

Also, don't get your panties in a wad when Mr. Dazee puts his keys down on the area where you bag your groceries.  "Remove item that you did not scan from the bagging area".  Really, Sherlock.  It's his keys.  He was trying to get out his debit card.  But ok, they are now off.  

One last thing.  I was already scanning the card, putting in my pin, telling it I wanted cash back, before you "realized" that we were done and were trying to tell us what to do next.  

In other words, poop or get off the pot.  I'm not waiting around for your slow butt.

Dear Miss A.

Thank you so much for the conversation we had on Saturday.  When we were playing "I Spy".  Mr. C said, I spy something brown, and bapa said, Miss A's hair.   You were right there to point out that your "underneath hair" was brown.  When bapa asked, what color is your on top hair, your told us it was

"banilla"

Yes, dear Miss A, it is going banilla in the sunlight. 

Dear......6.28.11

Another weekend gone, another day of Dear Letters.   For those of you that have never read my Dear Letters, they are my weekly affirmations of people that need to get a letter from me.  They can be good or bad.  One never knows.  
Let's begin.
Dear Furniture StoresHas there ever been a weekend that you haven't been having "A Mega Blowout" Sale, "Holiday" Sale, "Going Out of Business" Sale (every weekend for the last year), etc, etc, etc Sale?  My mind is boggled by all these sales.  Why don't you do us all a favor and mark the items for the sale price right from the start?  
and while we are at it,
Dear Car Dealership CommercialsYour commercials are beyond aggravating.  The LOUD dude screaming  the deals, as fast as he can go, is driving me to drink.  hahaha, get it, driving me.  Moving on.
Dear Cleaning Lady At WorkThere are two types of pens on my desk

I appreciate you cleaning my desk.  But please in the future, do not cause me a heart attack by moving my insulin.  It has its place.  Yes, I'm old, and sometimes get excited to eat my lunch before shooting up. But when you do something like this,

And I don't think to look in there, I have a little panic, oh my gosh, where is my pen, attack.  Yeah, so maybe I should have looked there sooner, but I didn't.  My pancreas forever thanks you.

Dear Dude On Freeway And Road Engineers Of Cloverleaf On and Off Ramps

Road Engineers:  What the hell were you thinking.  Geez

Dude:  I understand it is a cloverleaf, and you are a scary looking, maybe not the brightest driver on the road kind of guy.   But there is a thing called MERGING.  If you see me getting on the freeway, and trying to build up speed, and you are already going the speed limit, DO NOT FREAKING SLOW DOWN NEXT TO ME, AND THEN GIVE ME THE LOOK OF DEATH AS TO WHY YOU CAN'T MOVE OVER.  

Breathing

Honestly, I sped up, you sped up, I slow down, you slow down.  I'm sorry you missed your turn off.  I'm sorry you had to go to the next off ramp, which happened to be the same one I was going to.  Yes, ole crazy one, I locked my doors while we sat at the red light side by side, while you stared your ugliness at me.  Sorry, but in my book, SNOOZE YOU LOSE BUDDY.  

Dear Bird

Seriously, did you have a bad case of diarrhea or what?  I don't think I've ever seen anything like this from a bird on my car window before

Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth.

That's it for this week.  Join me again next week.  I might even have some nice letters.  :)

Dear......6.21.11

Wow, today is the first day of summer.  Where did spring go?  Oh wait, we didn't have spring here in my fair State.  I guess that is why it feels so wrong.
Anynospringlater, it is once again time for you to have to suffer through my Dear Letters.  The weekly roundup of those things that I just need to talk about get off my chest.  
Let us begin.
Dear Heater,

I know that today is the first day of summer.  At least that is what the calendar is telling me.  I am so sorry that you had to be called back into active duty on Sunday night.  You see, mother nature is fighting with us mere humans.  I know you had plans to just sit back and relax for at least 3 or 4 months.  Please know that as soon as M.N. gets her crap together, you will have the vacation you well deserve.

Dear Air Conditioning,

Really, it's not our fault.  You're on, you're off.  You were working so hard to please us on Saturday, then, bam, M.N. had a meltdown.  Poor Mr. Heater was called into active duty as it dipped into cold weather, with yes, say it with me, SNOW IN THE MOUNTAINS.  Uh huh.  You have been on vacation way too long.  You need to get all your air conditioning friends together and picket M.N.  I'm behind you 100%.

Dear Sara Lee,

W.T.H?  Ever since I was a kid I thought your slogan was "Nobody Does It Like Sara Lee".  But no.  After getting behind one of your trucks the other day on my way to work, this is what I saw.

Are you kidding me?  Has this been the slogan all along?  Maybe you should look into some enunciation lessons.  Maybe I don't like Sara Lee.  Did you ever think of that?  No, you didn't.  You just assumed that nobody doesn't like them.  Bad Sara Lee, Bad.

Dear Certain Person,

Nope, the world still doesn't revolve around YOU. 

Too bad, so sad.

Have a good one.

Dear....... 6.14.11

Rah Rah Ree - Kick Tuesday In The KneeRah Rah Ras - Kick Tuesday In The Other Knee
There was a big debate going on last night at my house.  Ok, it was just in my head, but debate it was.  Should I or shouldn't I do some Dear letters this week.  As you can see, the devil won out.   If you are new here, every Tuesday I post Dear Letters.  They are good, bad or indifferent to whomever has crossed my path during the past week.   
DEAR CUSTOMER SERVICE MANAGERS AT WAL*MARTWhile shopping at your fine establishment Sunday, our handy dandy gift card was being a poopy head.  Of course, it didn't help that we had Mr. Slow Dude Cashier Boy, but that is beside the point.  When the machine started spitting out, WAIT FOR CSM . . . . . . .waiting. . . . . . . waiting, there stood the 2 CSM's about 8 lanes down, talking, ignoring everyone and everything around them.  I, in my Dazee best whistle ever, I did the old. wo-o-woop (that was a whistle, let your imagination go wild).  Every customer, turned an looked my way.  Did the CSM women?  No sir ree bob, they did not.  They were too busy discussing very important matters, probably what they were going to have for lunch.   Oh, and dear women, I truly enjoyed the "how are you doing today" statement you made when you finally finished your conversation.  How am I doing?  I've already apologized to the people behind us, that's how I'm doing.  Why don't you DO your job and I'll leave you back to your discussion.
DEAR JOHN GOULET (OUR LOCAL FOX13 WEATHER DUDE)I am so glad that you posted what Tuesday's temps are going to be.  Suffice it to say, I will not be traveling to Provo on Tuesday.  

Looks like it's going to be mighty hot there.   I triple dog dare anyone in Provo to say out loud  "its hotter than hell".   
DEAR DUDE AT HOME DEPOTHow do you really feel about it all

I have to admit, some of them crack me up.  What?  It's a known fact that NOBODY is safe from my camera.  Nobody!

Last but most certainly not least

DEAR DAUGHTER OF MINE

Happy birthday.  30 years ago today, you were TRYING to make your entrance into the world.  I'll never forget your dad and you making eye contact.  You had him hooked right then and there.

Hope you enjoy the gift that we are giving you. :)

There you have it.  My work is done.   I will see you next week, same bat time, same bat channel.  Ka-Pow

Dear....... 6.7.11

 Oh peeps, can I just say this past weekend was sooooo lovely.  The sun was out, it wasn't too hot, there was a slight breeze.   Now, on to the good stuff.   Dear One Dude At My WorkSince when does going for a hot dog at the gas station, right in the middle of helping a customer, whom you left standing at the counter thinking you were pulling his order, constitute customer service?  Not only that, but you actually called the customer from the gas station to talk to him.  WTH?  Flabbergasted doesn't even cover what I'm thinking.  I am beyond speechless.   Dear Miss AYou my dear little one crack me up.  When your brother, Mr C, decided to "cut the cheese" right at the dinner table on Sunday, you went right downstairs to your house, came back upstairs with the Febreeze, and sprayed where he was standing.  Are you really only 3?   Dear MediaPlease stop following Sarah, I don't know my history, Palin, around.  She's making me feel rotten that I am of the same gender.  Maybe if you stopped following her around like she's a bitch in heat, she would go away.   Dear Mankind (that's an oxymoron)Why are you so mean?  Do you know how hard it was for me Sunday to hear my almost 9 year old granddaughter say she wanted to grow up to be President and then a teacher.  Why was it hard?  Because there is way too much hatred.  We had to tell her that she really didn't want to be president.  That there is a lot of responsibility, and that others are always trying to bring you down.  They may even tell lies about you.  That they will say things even if it hurts your young children. The human race is starting to really bring me down.  
 I've decided to join in with Boobies, Survey Junkie, and Little Yaya's Follow Me Back Tuesday.  I'm always looking for new people to read.   

Dear.......5.31.11

 Tis the last day of May.  I think we have had a total of 5 days that had some kind of sunshine.  Yes, here in the city of salt it is a new record for the wettest May in history.  No really, it is.  I saw it on the news.  And we all know that they never tell lies on the news........ :) Lets move on to this weeks Dear Letters shall we.  They may be good, bad or indifferent, but they are what is on my mind at particular moments during the week. Dear Mother NatureIt has finally been brought to light that you might be having a little spat with Mr. Nature.  We understand, it happens to the best of us.  But really, enough is enough.  I think you two need to come to a compromise and just know that you are both right in your own ways.  You don't need to continue to prove how powerful you are.  This endless raining crying that you are doing, isn't doing a lot of good.  And all that throwing stuff around is not helpful either.  Please consider a good kiss and make up session with Mr. Nature.  Dear IKEAI have a fabulous idea for you.  I recommend that you put in the moving sidewalk, just like at the airport, to get people through your maze store.  Don't get me wrong, I love your store, but wow, it's like walking a marathon by the time you get done.  Well done on putting the cafe right smack dab in the middle.  Bet that sucker makes a lot of money.  Dear Denny'sDo you think that in the future, when someone that has just walked a marathon, comes in for a hearty breakfast, it could come to their table hot?  I don't know about most people, but when I put the butter on my pancakes, I would like it to MELT into the pancakes.  I'm not very fond of eating cold food, unlike some people I know.   It wasn't like you were that busy.  You weren't.  Maybe it was because our server was too busy cleaning tables.  I don't know, just do better next time, m..k... Dear People Reading This PostScary things are going on in my office at work.  Think, Toy Story.(you might want to turn up your sound up a smidge)I told you so. 

Dear ........ 5.24.11

 You ever had one of those days, when you think to yourself, what did I do?  Me neither.   Dear Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun.  Thank you so much for coming out to play on Saturday.   Mr. Dazee has been lovingly referring to me as "his little matchstick".  Have you forgotten that I do not tan, but burn.  Oh wait, that is my responsibility.  Has mother nature grounded you?  I was just wondering since we haven't seen you much in the last month.  It was a happy reminder of our good days together.  Please come out to play again soon.  Dear Dudes That Work For the Railroad.I understand that you work with big, huge, trains day in and day out.  But when you get in your own vehicle, you are the worst drivers I have ever seen.  You either try to run me off the road, or drive so slow that I want to hit you.  I also appreciate the fact that choo-choo trains don't have to use signals.  YOU ARE NOT ON A TRAIN.  You are in your car.  Use them.   Dear Keurig.I don't know whether to thank you or be upset with you for sending me an email telling me all about your new K-Cup flavor.  Chocolate Macaroon.  Are you kidding me?  I..must..buy..you..with..all..your..hot..goodness.. Dear Beyond GlazePlease stop putting the drug in your Sugar Cookies that make me crave them.  Especially when I'm having one of those days.  I know, that drug is sugar, but I mean, really.  The stars are aligning just right lately for my car to automatically turn off onto the road that you are on.  I'm thinking I might need an intervention. Dear Spongebob.Sometimes I just want to live in a pineapple under the sea.  Dear Cafe Rio.I sent you an email (I know, dear readers, you are shocked).  Thank you for finally getting back to me that you have no plans as of yet to come to my fair city.  I hope you enjoyed my reply back telling you that your biggest competition and former partner Costa Vida, IS coming to town.  Just remember, the early bird catches the worm.  They are going to make a ton of money.  Someday, somehow, one of you big corporations that I email we realize that I'm a good judge of what needs to happen.   With thatSee you again next weekSame Bat Day, Same Bat Blog Dazee 

Dear ....... 5.17.11

 Wie geht's? Sehr gut und ya?  And that my dear boys and girls is the extent of 2 years of German in high school for you.  Also, thanks to my bff Pam for giving me the correct spelling as her parents are German, and therefore she passed that language class with flying colors.  Oh, Herr Bruderer..... but I digress. It's Tuesday, so we know what that means.  Time for my Dear Letters for the week.  Be they good, bad or indifferent, they are letters I just need to write.    

Dear Bloggers That Do Giveaways.  I, like many of my fellow bloggers, would love to win your giveaways.  But I have to admit, I just can't do the, like me, tweet me, give me a urine sample, and fly to the moon and back, just to be included in the list of people that might win.  Can you please just let us comment and let your best friend Random.Org pick one of us.  I realize my chances of winning are zero to nada, but I would certainly enter a lot more if that was all I had to do.  Thank you for your consideration.

Dear Manufacturers of Cold Cereal Boxes.  After attempting to open a box this past weekend, it came to my attention that it was going to take an act of God to get the thing opened.  Starting with the top flap, and ending with the sealed for your enjoyment plastic paper.  Since when have the laws stated that all cold cereal boxes must be adult proofed?  Used to be you could just pull a little on those suckers and they would open.  Now it is pull with all your humanly strength, finally get fed up and grab the scissors, and spill half of the contents in the process.  Someone needs to go sit in the corner for their brilliant idea.

Dear Readers.  The next two letters have to do with a little problem we had in the complex where I work last week.  Lets just say, it involved the sewer pipes, pumps and drains.   We're talking poop and toilet paper and icky water coming up the sewer drain close to our building.  I know, you just threw up a little in your mouth, but you weren't even there.  Friday while they were fixing the problem, the water to the complex was turned off. 

Continuing on....

Dear Credit Dude Where I Work.  Please, don't ever come into my office again with your water bottle containing mountain dew in it and asking me where we are putting the "trucker bombs".  What are you, 12?  First of all, if your pee is the color of mountain dew, you best be getting yourself to the doctor.  Something is not right in the ole bladder.  Second, I don't know you that well.  That is just sick and wrong, and truly not funny. 

Dear Woman That Left The Diarrhea Bomb Along The Back Of The Toilet At Burger King.   Because of the aforementioned no water situation at work, me and my daughter-in-law decided that we would go get some lunch so we could "use the facilities".  My dear, sweet, share all your diarrhea goodness woman.  I DO NOT like to use public restrooms.  And the great surprise you left me is the reason why.  I just have no words to let you know how much I would like to track you down, and throw up all over you. 

Dear Boys That I Work With At Work.  Dudes, what in the hell do you eat that you are constantly clogging up the toilets?  And why, for the love of mike, do you wait to do it on the very first day back to work AFTER THE CARPETS WERE CLEANED!!!  I already dislike to the bottom of my soul the fact that there is only a wall that separates the 2 restrooms.  But when I go into the women's room, and there is a yellowish, smelly colored HUGE pool of water coming through said wall, I'm going to go postal.  Not to mention the nice new toilet water stain on the FRESHLY CLEANED CARPET!!  Methinks there needs to be a little bit more fiber in your diet if you are clogging up the place.  Just Ick.

I apologize for all the icky letters this week.  But it was my life, and I just couldn't take it anymore. 

Here's hoping that there is nothing but sweet rainbows and unicorns this next week.

A Special Wednesday Dear Letter

 Dear Stupid Ass PediatricianHow did you graduate?  At the bottom of your class most likely.  How can you diagnose a 3-1/2 year old with pneumonia, prescribe antibiotics and not schedule a visit to see if it is working.  Better yet, how can the 7 year old brother have a well visit, 3-1/2 year old is in the room coughing, that you just saw on Friday, and YOU DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO HER CHEST!!! Thank goodness yesterday was your day off.  Thank goodness her mother had the "mothers gut feelings" going yesterday and called.  Thank goodness the pediatrician she saw today has more on the ball.  Thank goodness my grandchildren are going to have the doctor seen yesterday as their new primary care doctor. You see, dear worthless doctor.  Because you didn't check, Miss A had to have an albuteral treatment, then another chest x-ray.  Guess what?  Her pneumonia has moved, started going into her other lung, and parts of her lung were starting to collapse.   Even the nurse who was checking her in was concerned enough that she went into the room that the doctor was in and told him he had to see Miss A immediately.  Oxygen level is borderline.  She was almost admitted to the children's hospital.  Phone calls were already made to the on-call doctor in case her parents needed to take her in overnight.   Dear Doctor that Saw Miss A YesterdayThank you for trying to get to the bottom of the problem.   I'm not sure I'm excited about the diagnosis of Asthma, but at least we know what she is up against.   What is up with this Asthma crap?  My cute little Miss O was diagnosed with the same thing this past winter.  I know that Mr Dazee has it.  I guess he wanted to share the joy with 2 of his granddaughters.  Dear Stinking Rotten Never Ending WinterWould you freaking end already.  Constant snow, and now rain since November is not letting the bad air out into the atmosphere.  We need some warm temps.  High 40's to low 50's does not constitute spring.  GO AWAY!! I beg of you. Rant over.Dazee

Dear...... 5.10.11

 Can you believe it is Tuesday already.  At first I didn't think I was going to have anyone to write letters to this week.  But never fear my little buck-a-roos, I would never let you down. Dear Rain.Go away.  Please go somewhere else to play.  We do not need the moisture here right now.  We are over our snowpack levels for the year.  There is already some flooding going on.  We certainly don't need you to rain for 24 hours straight like you have been.  We are no longer friends.  I'm not talking to you anymore! Dear Hotmail.Why are you sporadically sending my emails to my phone?  You need to get on the ball or I might just change to a different emailer.  How do you feel about that?  You need to be scared, very scared!! Dear Insurance Companies.You suck the big sour pickle.  Talking businesses into the fine and dandy crappy Flex Plans.  What the hell ever you dillweeds.  You have made premiums so high that companies are delighted to go to these plans.  These plans are a big rip off.  Especially if the company decides not to put Maternity on the plan.  (no, I'm not pregnant, that would take an act of God).  Just ask the dude I work with whose paying for each doctor visit, and it doesn't go towards his $2600 deductible.  And if there is a complication, too bad so sad, you might have to sell your house, or take out bankruptcy.  Can't wait till the big ole Karma Bus comes to pick you and your agents up. Dear Family.Thank you so much for making this Mothers Day one of the best I have ever had.  Thanks for the homemade rolls, the cream cheese appetizers, and the homemade strawberry shortcake.  Feast your eyes, my loyal readers.  My kids are keepers. Dear Miss O.Thank you for sending Grammie a video you made specially for me.  I loved the whole thing and laughed out loud over the last part of the song. Dear Readers of My Blog.Here is the video she made and had her mom send to me.  She is 4 and has the best imagination ever.  Listen really close at the end of the song.  She will crack you up. 


 Until next week.Love and Kisses,Dazee 

Dear Victoria's Secret

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Dear..... 4.26.11.

  Hear ye, hear ye.  In honor of this weeks Royal Wedding, I bring you nothing to do with that.  I will bring you instead, this weeks Dear Letters, along with pictures.  The easier to help you "get the picture".  hahaha, cracking myself up again. Dear Middle of the road jogger.

You are not the only person on the road.  In darkness, rain, snow and fog, it is not a good idea to JOG SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.  Dude, I promise, if you and I play chicken, I WILL WIN. 

Dear Kleenex Box Makers. 

Do you think you could find it in your hearts to make it a bit easier to get that very first Kleenex out of the box.  Not a pretty site when I have done a huge ole sneeze and can't get the Kleenex out.  Gazuntite.

Dear Owner Of Dogs In Back Of Pickup Trucks.

I think you are the lowest of low owners in the world.  If I am behind you, I DO NOT want to watch your dog fall out of your truck.  IT DOES HAPPEN.  I've seen it happen.  Have you, dear owner, ever heard a dog yelp in severe pain?  Or do you have it in your wee head that animals feel no pain?  News flash, they do.  If you feel the need to take your dog wherever you go, please for the love of my heart rate, have the dog riding alongside you.  Are there no laws against this?  If not, there should be.

Dear Texters. 

 

I am a texting fool.  If you text me and within the same second I text you back, where in the hell do you go?  Didn't you just barely send the thing?  An answer right back would be the best thing to do.  Not 7 or 8 hours later or, heaven forbid, a week.  I don't understand it.  If you aren't in the mood to talk, no texting allowed.

Dear 3 Dudes At Home Depot.

I know that me and Mr. Dazee are scary monsters.  But really, when the 3 of you are talking, and we are looking like we need a question answered, it's not good customer service for you to scatter like the wind.  And what the hell was the stare down all about?  Were you daring us?  Did you hear me say out loud, "OMG, we are scary honey, look at them run".  Get a non-customer service related job if you are a big wuss, cry baby, scardy cat.

Dear JC Penney Ad

Ummm, a baby sale huh.  Up to 50% off.  Get big savings for you little one?  WTH?  Isn't selling babies against the law?  How in the heck did this get past your ad person.  Oh wait, as I twittered last week, some ad companies need to be fired.  Nuff said. (yes, this is the ad I saw just last night on a site, scary huh)

Dear Mindi at Mamma's Cookie Jar.

Not only do you do the cutest crafts and stuff with your kids, but whatever sugar cookie recipe you came up with for the ears of this cute bunny, were the BEST THINGS EVER!!!!  I suggest that you always use that one, and let me test a few dozen for food poisoning.  :)  No charge for my services.  You're welcome. 

Another batch of letters done for the week.  I feel much better now. 

With that being said

Sincerely

DAZEE