AS-CI-TES, OH OH

DISCLAIMER

 I am not responsible for any throwing up you may do during this post.

 

Ascites, that lovely liquid you get when you have liver disease. Is it just one color?  Good question that you just asked. No. There are different colors which mean different problems. 

Now look at the above mentioned colors

I’ve had the cloudy/turbid color. Shows I had an infection. I’ve also had the pink or blood tinged. Meaning, mild trauma. The other color I had was the milky. Cirrhosis, thoracic duct injury.  Don’t be jealous, you too can get liver disease. 

Now for the fun and exciting PARACENTESIS. 

They stick that tube in your side/stomach area. The belly you see is not a pregnant belly, it’s full of fluid. 

I had my first foray (A sudden attack or incursion into enemy territory) into the world of getting that naughty liquid out of my stomach, on Oct 24, 2017. The last one I had was Jan 13, 2019. The largest amount of sludge was 10 liters. The smallest, 2.6. In all I had 23, yes you read that right, twenty-freaking-three para’s!!!!!!

Next we have the THORACENTESIS. 

This procedure hurts. They are pushing that tube in between your ribs. You don’t realize how hard is for you to breathe until some of the liquid is taken out. IF YOU EVER HAVE TO HAVE THIS PROCEDURE, make sure you go to your happy place. Breathe like you are delivering a baby. Deep breath in, deep breath out.  You will either get a pain in your arm, or like me, you will start coughing. TRY NOT TO COUGH. It is horrible. It is a non stop cough. You will feel like you might not make it. 

My first trip to thoracentesis land was Feb 2, 2018. My last one was Dec 5, 2019. The largest amount they took out was 4 liters. The smallest was 1.05. In all I had 13 of this procedure. 

Time for a story problem. I hate story problems.  I don’t care how many apples left New York, how many oranges left California. And the stupid question they ask. Where the the damn trains meet. Ok, breathing. My heart rate just went up. 

Back to the math. 

If you have 23 paracentesis with a grand total of 106.08 liters of sludge taken out, plus 13 thoracentesis with a grand total of 28.15 liters taken out, how many gallons does that equal?  

Do you have your answer?

28 Gallons of stomach gunk

7.5 Gallons of chest crap. 

Grand total:  35.5 freaking gallons!!!!!!

Imagine carrying all that liquid around in your body. Could you stand it?  Next time you go buy gallons of milk, hold at least two and walk around with them in your arms down by your belly, for as long as you can. Good times. 

Now get ready with your barf bag. Please, please my dear readers, I can’t stress enough. If you are showing signs of liquid build-up in your belly, get yourself to a doctor or ER room pronto!!!! 

This lady has ascites horribly bad. Open sores are not an option!! I’m surprised this lady was alive to take this photo. Notice her legs. They are normal size. She is not overweight. 

You can now gargle that nasty taste out of your mouth. 

Be sure to join me next week for:

All You Want To Know About Liver Disease But Are Afraid To Ask