.... B R E A K I N G ..... N E W S .....

 

  This Just In Gather round class.  I have a very important news.  As it turns out, there is justice in the world.  Upon getting in my car this morning and driving to work, I was privy to the following. Took the right turn lane, light was green, proceeded to signal my way to the left lane.  OUT OF NOWHERE, there was a truck behind me, riding my butt.   I was going 10 over the speed limit as it was.  Up ahead, in the other 2 lanes, the cars were going just as fast as me.  The three of us, driving along.  Butt rider, got a little bit pissed at me, headed to the next lane.  Dang, that car isn't going any faster than me.  Warning message comes on, "PREPARE TO STOP".  I know I have time to get through the light.  Butt rider, not to be outdone, SWINGS around in the SLOW lane, and speeds to get through the light.   And then, it happened.  I see one of our cities finest.  Drives past my little speeding car, gets behind butt rider, and whamo, flips on his, PULL ON OVER DUDE lights.!!!   hahahahahahahaI laughed all the way to work.   For all those times you wonder, "where is the cop when you need them", JUSTICE, JUSTICE, JUSTICE. Oh, and have a great day!  

Drivers Ed 101 - Class 2

By popular demand, the following post MUST be sung to the tune ofGILLIGAN'S ISLAND(lalalalalala, just loosening up the ole vocal chords) Counting down, in 3...2....1 Just sit right down and today you'll learnWhat not to do on the roadAnd if you do not listen wellI'll turn you into a toad.    

The first guy that you'll learn aboutIs "I'm so Sexy" dudeHis jeep all jacked up oh so highHe's showing so much 'tude, he's showing so much 'tude. 

The weather started going dripThe wipers did go swishMiss Jeep lady wanted to keep them onMore rain was her big wish, more rain was her big wish. 

The road's not safe, from a dude like thisWith lumber not strapped down He's making sharp turnsAnd changing lanesNot signaling.....for his lifeWe're going to dieFrom the boards and all the restHere on the old freeway! Commercial Break. Now break is over, I must sayWe have a few more notesGet out your paper everyoneWatch out for the boats.  

Our next dude is not very bright

I've got a lot to say

Playing chicken with a truck

Could make you dead today.

Fast lane, then next, then the slow lane

Honking by big truck

On to the off-ramp in front of me

I almost hit your butt.

Big Finish

This is the end of this weeks class

I'm sure you had such fun

Learning what your shouldn't do

In Drivers Ed Two Oh One!!!!!

Till next class this is

Miss 


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Drivers Ed 101

I'm starting a new feature here in Dazee Land.  Because I am never at a loss for bad driving examples, we will be having Drivers Ed classes.  Don't worry, there will be no tests in this class.  Just handy information.  

This fine outstanding citizen, is traveling 10 miles below the speed limit.  My dear students, when on the freeway, please drive at least at the posted speed limit.   If you have to keep calling all your fans while driving, first of all, you need to get a freaking life, and second, you are not so awesome when you are looking in your phonebook for a number.  Hand on phone, foot off gas pedal.  See the correlation.  It's not right.  Oh, and what the hell is up with you people that are in the drivers seat, but are leaning so far into the middle of the seat, that you look like an idiot?  Get out of my way, I have places to go and people to see.    

This guy pissed me off in so many different ways.  First of all, I had to catch up to the asswipe to take his picture.  This idiot is your classic, "I'm in the go straight lane, but wait, yeah, you in your nice car, wait, I'm going to turn right instead.  Get out of my way".  Yeah, hope you are watching at all times.  This dude probably doesn't have insurance and will run into you.  We had a girl do this exact thing to us one year when my kids were little and we had just bought our christmas tree.  Crash, oh man, "it's my aunts car, but she will pay for it".  Uh huh, and then I woke up.  Her name was Lua.  So, as of this moment class, if you ever run into this driver, you will say to yourself, It's a Lua Moment.  Practice it, alot, so it will just roll off your tongue when it happens to you.  I will also be using Lua moments in future classes. Class is now dismissed.  Remember the things we learned today.  Do not lean to the middle of your car, you look stupid.  Lua (pronounced Lou-aa) moments, have your boxing gloves ready. 

 Until next class