Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Oh No I Didn't! and Other Random Stuff


I didn't just burp when I answered the phone here at work!

And I have never, ever hiccuped while paging someone to the phone. Prove it!

I especially didn't totally screw up the name of the company when I answered the phone, and the owner of the company was on the other end.

I didn't go to a wedding reception, at a church, without wearing my bra. Ok, I didn't but I know someone that did. (and you know who you are too!)

And before you even accuse me of it, I have never, ever, ever, picked up a banana chair and thrown it when watching a Jazz Playoff Game. What? Who told you that? Was it one of my kids?

Note to self. Do not stab your insulin needle into your hand, where the thumb bone meets the wrist bone. There is no meat there to take the blow. Especially if you are going at a high rate of speed to get it into your stomach. Ouch.

Did I miss the chapter in the Driver's Exam Booklet, and on the test for that matter, about driving pickup trucks. Looks to me like people that drive them either drive really super fast, or really freaking slow. Oh and don't even get me started on the diesel pickup truck drivers!!!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Stinking it Up!!!!

Oh my. I am embarrassed to even admit I had this dream, but hey, isn't this what my blog is all about?

Yesterday I was watching The Blind Side. Love that movie. I especially love the boy that plays the son. He was in my dream, as was Donald Trump. Yikes, Donald, get out of my dream!!!!! Trump was the Grand Marshall of a parade I was at. All of the sudden, me and the little boy are being called into this gym type place for an interview.

We are standing there in front of the table, him and I. I start getting that feeling, you know the one I'm talking about, deep in my gut. Oh no, I'm thinking, this gas is truly going to escape. Please, oh please, don't make a sound. Whew, it doesn't. But oh dear, it is stinking up the joint. I look at the kid like, I can't believe you just passed gas. He looks at me with the same look. I yank him away from the table and say, "I will pay you $1.50 to take the blame for that." And you know what? He said he would. Marched right back up to the interview table and asked for their forgiveness. Tee-hee-hee.

$1.50. That cracks me up!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Was I Dreaming?

This is my grandson. He can fall asleep anywhere. The picture that you see is him falling asleep, on my lap, at the Circus. You read that right, the circus. Now, if you have been to the circus lately, it is not a quiet place. Very lively and loud.

Last night his parents went on a date. They wanted to sleep in Grammie's water bed. Now before you think that my waterbed is some old fashioned 1970 waterbed, it's not. It's a really awesome looking soft side waterbed of the 2000's. And I love it. But I digress.

Him and his older sister fell asleep around 10:00 pm. Him on the couch so I moved him to the bed. His sister, she went in and got in bed with him. Meanwhile, their 2-1/2 year old little sister was missing her mom and dad big time. So for the next 2 hours, off and on, she would cry for her mommy. "mmmyyyy mmmoooommmmmmyyy wwwiiilll hhhuuuggg mmmeee". I said, grammie will hug you. No, she didn't want to have anything to do with that. So her and I stayed up and watched Nick Jr. She finally fell asleep around midnight. I carried her to the bed, did all my nighttime routine, and went to dreamland.

A little while later I'm awaken by my son-in-law, carrying my oldest granddaughter out of the room. He has already made one trip with the little one. He comes back to get my grandson. I should have just texted them that I told the kids they could sleep with me. Oh well. Sidebar, we have a basement apartment where my daughter and her family live. It makes it really easy to babysit them. :)

Being that I am an oldie but goodie, I had to wake up at about 3 to take care of my need of the toilet. When I wake up, I feel some feet down by my feet. Shock, who is it. Did they not take all the kids downstairs? I get out of bed, go take care of business, go to move "the body", which turns out to be my grandson. I move him next to me in the bed. That kid. I'm still wondering if he was just not taken downstairs. Bright and early, ok, not too bright, but like 7:30 am, he says, "grammie, is it time to wake up?" I'm trying to open my eyes, and I say yes. Then I said, I thought your dad took you downstairs. Another sidebar: he says that he sleepwalks and gets into bed with mom and dad everynight, but remember, he just sleepwalks. hehe. He said, "grammie, I remembered that you said we could sleep with you so I came back upstairs." But this time he didn't blame it on sleepwalking. What a cute little guy.

That is one of the sweetest "dreams" I've had in a while.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Why, oh why??????

I don't know about you, but there are some things in life that just bother me.

Take for instance Parking Lots. The parking lot can be pretty much empty. You find you a nice place away from everything. All of the sudden, out of ALL the spots left in the parking lot, someone else decides, oh goodie, look at this space "right next to this cool car". I'm parking here!!!!

The same thing happens in Movie Theaters. You've gone to a movie, that is far from being opening night. It's Sunday morning. Plenty of seating. You choose your favorite spot. Uh oh, movie is about to start. Another couple come in. "oh look", they say, there is an open place, "right in front of that other couple".

Let's start with the parking lot. Let's get into their minds. (or your mind, if you are that person). Do you like to ding other peoples doors? Do you like the whole "togetherness" thing. Safety in numbers?

The movie theater I think I understand that one a little better. You are scared of the dark. It's true. You can't fool me. You have to be by someone else, just in case the big bad wolf comes into the theater and then it will have to choose between the 4 of you. I'm going with the scared of the dark. If you are by someone else, you won't be afraid. I understand. If I'm watching a scary show at home, I want my husband sitting right next to me so I can grab his hand. But come on, why or why must you sit right in front, back or to either side of me. There's plenty of other seats.

In other words, spread your wings, become independent. You can do it, and I will be much happier.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Wished This Was A Dream

Answering the phones at work. What can I say. Not my favorite thing in the world, but I honestly try to be really nice when I'm talking to people. I have to admit, I've had a few phones calls that really put me over the edge.

On fine phone called happened while my boss was out of town. It went something like this. "XYZ Company". The Man on the other end of the line says. "may I speak to Derek please". I say, I'm sorry, we don't have anyone here by that name. He says, "yes you do, I just talked to him, and he was supposed to send me a PO". I said, are you sure he worked here at XYZ Company. "Yes". By this time he is starting to get the whole "men are so much better than woman" attitude. I said, could he work at another location? "No, he is there". I said again, well, I'm not really sure that any of the locations have someone named Derek, but maybe you could call one of the other locations. He got all pissed off and hung up.

Started to do my work again, the phone rings. (what can I say, they are constantly ringing, which is good for business). I answer yet again. Joyous Rapture, he is on the other line. "May I speak to Derek". I'm sorry, but we have no one here by that name. By now, this man is starting to be a big prick. "I know that you have someone there named Derek". I'm thinking to myself, ummm I have the first sit downs with the new employees, doing their paperwork, telling them the "this and thats" of the place. Sir, I say, we have no one here by that name. "well, (speaking in that male chauvinist way), let me talk to the manager". I'm sorry, he is out of town for the rest of the week. "great", and hangs up.

By this time I'm a little bit pissed. Phone rings again, yippy, its him again. "Since your manager is gone, can I talk to the next person in charge". I say, I'm the next person in charge. He says, very indignant, "YOU ARE!!!". Yes, I say, so if you are going to complain about me, you might as well tell me off because I'm the next in charge. Blah, Blah, Blah. I can't even remember what he said after that, because I had fire coming out of my ears.

Apparently, he has finally called another one of our locations, and has talked to the manager there. (who by the way is the brother to my manager). I get a call from said manager. "I just got off this phone with this guy, and he said you were really rude to him". I let go with some lovely language on the manager. Told him the whole story. Thank god he said, "well, I know that you are usually really nice to people so I wanted to get your side of the story". He then told me that they did have a Derek at that location. Dear Derek, freak, next time would you please give people THE PHONE NUMBER to call. errrrrrr

Don't think I better ever be a customer service rep!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Life of a Diabetic

Diabetes. It's the joy of my existence.

Take a look at the picture. This is like the needle that I get to stick into my belly, 3 to 4 times a day. Notice the length of the needle. Keep this in mind while I let you in on the dream of the night.

I was getting ready to eat my dinner. Before every meal, I check how my blood glucose levels are. So I prick my finger, test and it looks ok. I calculate how many units of insulin I need to take. Turn the dial, yes, I have one of those handy dandy prefilled "insulin pens" that all I have to do is dial the amount. Then, "stab" into the belly it goes.

Imagine my surprise when after I pump the insulin into my body, I pull out the needle, and out with it comes, are you ready.............

Shredded roast beef!!!!! WTF. It is stuck to the needle and is being pulled out of my stomach area holding on for dear life to the needle. (if you have forgotten the length of the needle, scroll back up and look). It does not go into your belly far enough to get into your stomach to bring out any food contents. Needless to say, as it is coming out of my stomach, the blood starts flowing. Oh my, I tell this man standing by me, because, you know, in dreamland, one minute you are standing in your kitchen shooting insulin into you belly, and the next minute you are at some deli counter type place. I tell the man, I'm bleeding to death, could you please take me to the hospital.

Instead of taking me to the hospital, he takes me to an old warehouse, where he has stashed other woman. Yes, he has kidnapped me. Me, have you seen me? again, WTH!! Time to wake up.

First of all, I found the whole roast beef in my stomach too funny, because I had eaten pancakes for dinner the night I dreamed this. Second, I think I watch and read too many murder/suspense book
Dreams, it's like your own movie theater.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

What a Vacation!!

Imagine, you are a 52 year old woman. But you are on vacation with your mom and dad, 2 of your brothers (who shall remain nameless), and a sister.

You are at a nice hotel where you have booked a suite type room for you all to stay in. We are at the hotel, just hanging out in the nice suite. When, out of the blue, dad decides that he is leaving mom. Yup, the woman he has been married to for, oh, over 50 years. What the? I run out of the room screaming. But wait. I'm naked. How in the hell did that happen. I run to the apartment complex next door, where my son and his fiance just happen to be living.

I'm standing there naked, on their doorstep, ringing the bell. ringing, ringing ringing. Where in the heck are they. I'm NAKED!!!!!! Finally, they open the door. "Please, I need a bathrobe". They give me one. The phone is ringing. Oh, but it's not the regular one line coming into the house type. No, it is more like a business phone. Four lines. I answer it. They ask for my dad. Oh yes, he is in the other room. (why, I have no idea). I put the caller on hold and say, "dad, the phone is for you". He says, "which line", I meanly say back, "the only freaking one that is blinking". I need to get out of there.

I leave, all bundled up nicely in the bathrobe, when I see my brothers. I'm so embarrassed, I'm like, I need to get back to the room. We are running through halls, which now seems like we are at some kind of arena. I'm headed through back halls so the masses won't see me naked. (ok, most of my nakedness is covered, but you know). I can't find the room. Where is it? Uh oh, here come the brothers. "We have been put in a new room, but we are going to the game". I finally find the room, and once again, I'm standing outside the door, pounding, pounding. Why in the hell aren't people answering their doors!!!!!

My sister finally opens the door, she has just gotten out of the shower. We have had to be moved to a regular, run of the mill, hotel room, because of dad and his declaration. I say, "I need to take a shower". My sister informs me that I can't. What? Why not. Because, one of the guys that used to work at my place of employment, which shall also remain nameless, but was gross, sick and wrong, has slipped into the room and is in the shower. YIKES!!!!!! This is going from bad to worse!!!!!!!

And then, I woke up.

Oh, dreams. What would I do without you?

Welcome To My Crazy Dream World

We all have them. Some of us have no memory of them when we wake up. Some of us, remember that we dreamed something but can't remember what it was.

ME, I have so many wild and wacky dreams. Not every single night, but often enough that I'm going to share them. Why, you ask. Because they are just too crazy to keep to myself.

So, sit back and relax because you are ready to enter, Dazee's World.