Monday, February 28, 2011

Microfiction Monday - 2.28.11

June Freaking Cleaver is always showing me these dang sites that make me want to try them.  Bad June, bad, bad.

This one is run by Stony River and in her own words, "where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer".  WTH.  I have a hard time with 100 words. You want only 140 characters.  Ok,  I'm going to do it.  Watch me.  ah, hum.

Oh, little Caterpillar, just follow the light.  I promise if you do, someday you will be a beautiful butterfly fairy like me.

And thank you to twitter for helping me count my characters.  :)

Some Old Men Drive Me Nutsoide

These are two of the old men that I work with.  Ok, not exactly them, but go with me here. 

I am positive that there is some kind of old man club, kind of like the boy scouts, called the old men freaks.  I'm sure they even have a freaking motto.

On my honor
I will try
To bug people to death
And be all weird
From this time forward
Until death do us part
And obey the oath of the weird.

Breathing, breathing.

And what's with this whole, raise your voice a higher octave to talk weird when you are talking to women?   Or saying stupid dumb crap?   I could care less that you found toe jam this morning.  You're gross.  Oh, and there is candy in my office for everyone.  If you ask me one more time why YOU don't have self control, I'm going to beat you up.  This statement is getting old, "but Dazee, I love chocolate, you shouldn't do this to me".   Dude, you are the last person I buy the candy for.  I myself  have self control.  It's in my office.  I don't eat it all day.  Get out of my office NOW!!!!!!!

Honestly, I'm going to shove a sock in your mouth soon, and it's not going to be a pretty sight.   (of course, I will be laughing hysterically)

Then, you get 2 of these geisers together, and its a freakfest.  I'm smarter than you are.  No you aren't, I know more about sports than you do.  But my team is better.  No, mine is. 


Where's my cap gun?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

S.O.S. Sunday - Angry

Mommying On The Fly
My friend Christy at My Mad Mind finds the most awesome photo challenge sites.  This week she turned me on to Sunday's Oh! Snap sponsored by Mommying On The Fly
I like this because I only have to come up with one photo and she has the whole year mapped out.  Click here to see if you want to join in some week.
Nothing is cuter than your grandkids when they are angry.  I have 2 granddaughter tho, Miss L and Miss O, that are the happiest things ever.  Trying to find an angry photo of them was hard.  So I found the closest thing to them being mad as I could. 
Miss L

Mr C

Miss O

Miss A

And them all together because they are just so angry cute.

Now You Know My A.B.C's

Surprise, surprise.  I'm not doing the Scavenger Hunt Sunday today, because, I'm not going to lie, I wasn't turned on by the prompts this week.  Hey it happens to the best of us.  I will check out what the prompts are for next week and I can only hope they will tickle my fancy.

Hey, you want to learn more about me?  You don't?  Then just click on out of here.  I need some excitement in my life people.  Honestly.  I need something exciting to write about.  Give me an idea.  I promise I will make it work. 

Anymorethanyouwanttoknowaboutmelater, I found these questions on a blog I follow, Angela at A Better Me.  I thought they were something different.  So while singing the alphabet song, lets get ready to rumble.

Age:   53 years young

Bed Size:    King, soft side waterbed.  LOVE it.
Chore You Hate:   Doing dishes.  Growing up with 9 kids and 2 parents, NO DISHWASHER, I hated it when it was my week for dishes.  Just think Thanksgiving dinner dishes by hand,!
 Dogs?    Nope.  Just a grandpuppy.
 Essential Start Your Day Item:   Coffee, through an IV if available.
   Favorite Color:   Purple

 Gold or Silver?   How about anything that strikes my fancy at the time, and won't make me break out as I'm highly allergic to nickel.

 Height:   5'5" of voluptuous goodness

 Instruments You Play:   Piano before carpal tunnel. 

 Job Title:   Office Manager extraordinaire

 Kids:   1 Daughter, 2 Sons.

 Live:   In a house, on a street, in a city.  :)

 Mom's Name:   Kathryn

 Nicknames:   Babe

 Overnight Hospital Stays?   Back surgery.  1990.  First time I was in the hospital other than having babies.  Was pissed.  They don't let you eat after surgery like they do after you have a baby.  errrrrr

 Pet Peeve:  People that think they are better than you.
Quote from a Movie:   From Pretty Woman
Shop assistant: Hello, can I help you?
Vivian: I was in here yesterday, you wouldn't wait on me.
Shop assistant: Oh.
Vivian: You people work on commission, right?
Shop assistant: Yeah.
Vivian: Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now. (my favorite line ever)

 Right or Left Handed?    Right.  But I'm finding myself being a little on the jealous side about left handers.  I watched a woman eat at the restaurant me and hubby were at last weekend, and left handers just look cool eating. 

 Siblings:   4 sisters, 4 brothers

Time You Wake Up?   4:50 AM  What?  I have my morning down to a science

 Underwear:   Hell yes.  I'm not sexy enough to go commando

 Vegetable You Dislike:   Brussel Sprouts.  Ok, I don't know if I don't like them.  My mom never made them.  I pretty much like most veggies.

 What Makes You Run Late:   Usually nothing.  I HAVE to be early. I don't need to be to work till 7, but if I'm not there by 6:45 I feel like I'm late.

 X-Rays:    Have broken both arms and ruptured a disk in my back.

 Yummy Food You Make:   Spaghetti and my hamburger vegetable soup.  Well at least my family says its good. :)

 Zoo, Favorite Animal:   The little monkeys.  And ick, those red bottomed ones.  How would you like to have a big red butt like them.  No thank you very much.

~ now you know my A,B,C's.  next time won't you sing with me ~

Saturday, February 26, 2011

To Grandfathers House She Goes - The Prequel

Jenny Matlock
Happy Saturday.  Mine, well I woke up to at least 6 inches of snow, it's still falling, and I'm on my way to hunt down mother nature and have a little "chat" with her.  Wish me luck.
Saturday Centus time.  I love this.  Dear Jenny this week, felt it in her heart to give us a "normal" prompt.  Thanks Jenny.  Because I've wanted to continue the "To Grandfathers House She Goes" saga.  If you want to refresh your memory, here is Part One.
As always the prompt will be in blue.
As the ATM machine began dispensing twenties, Roger couldn’t help but wonder how much longer he would have to pay for his mistake. Thank goodness there was the trust fund he could draw from everyday and no one would be the wiser.

He would never forget the day the first letter arrived. “If you do not pay me $5000.00 a month, I will tell the world what you did to me!”

He had been a fool. Overcome by her beauty, he would learn how vindictive she could be.

“You will soon become a father, and I am not ready for motherhood”, she wrote. “what I propose....."

There I go again.  Leaving you hanging.  It's my plan, to keep you coming back for more.  That is, if Jenny keeps giving me prompts that will fit.  Haha, now the pressure is on her.  Bwaa-haa-haa.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Friday's Shoegasm - 2.25.11

You all know my love of a good meme.  This is a little one I found on Terri's site, Peace Love & Applesauce.

First a disclaimer.  You know my shoe of choice is the flip-flop.  But I can dream about gorgeous shoes that I will never be able to wear.  First of all, you would die of hysterical laughter if you saw me walk in heels.  Second, I DO NOT have that model body.  And third, I have such a high instep that if I try to get some shoes on my feet, it's like Prince Charming trying to get my foot into the glass slipper. 

Anyshoelater, here is this weeks shoe of pleasure.
Available in these colors 

Colin Stuart
Fringe Back-tie Bootie

I found these on Victoria Secrets website.  They might not be your cup of tea, but wow, a moccasin in a heal, oh yeah baby.

Bigger yikes.  $118.00 for a pair of shoes.  My hubby would frown big time on that.  Good thing I can't wear them.  :)

This Weeks Random Thoughts

Because it is snowing, yet again, I could have done a Frack You Friday.  But you know what.  You don't want anymore whiny posts from me this week.  Instead, you are getting the random things going on in my brain.  Be scared.

I am so happy that the growth in my daughter-in-law's throat was not cancer.  That was a long 2 weeks of waiting to find out. 

I am so proud that Miss L and Mr C are such sweet souls.   Miss L saw a boy that was being yelled at by the others kids at recess,  because he "ruined their game", off walking around by himself so she went off and walked with him and just let him talk.  Mr C during snack time in his class noticed that one of the boys was off sitting by himself and he went over to him and brought him back to sit by him in the group.  They are now friends. 

I am happy that I have the coolest husband ever. 

I am tired of a certain someone that is related to my daughter, who takes my daughters ideas from her blog and "makes them her own".   It's called if you can't come up with your own stuff, you shouldn't be blogging.  Just sayin.

I love the snow.  It is so pretty.  You can make snowmen and snow angels and when it is snowing, it makes me extremely happy.  !@#$%^&&**(**&^^%$##&*()_)(**, GET AWAY FROM MY KEYBOARD, YOU IMPOSTOR.  Heavens, you turn your back for one second and look what happens.

Justin Bieber's new haircut makes him look like a girl. 

I'm having a flour chili verde enchilada for lunch.  I can hardly wait. 

Scaryman sang a song over the intercom the other day.  I laughed for an hour.

I have some of the coolest friends I have NEVER met.  Someday I'm going to meet you.  Don't be scared, I don't bite.  (I just blog)  :)

Everything is a blogging opportunity.  Have camera, beware.

Sssshhhhh, I have to work now.  The boss just got here. 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

And She Called ME Unprofessional

Sigh.  You know when you are working away, and you are so happy to be at work (you are, right?), and the phone rings so you pick it up. 

Well, that was my day yesterday.  The following is the fine and outstanding conversation between Pleasant Dazee (PD) vs State Of Utah Employee (SOUE) 

PD:  XYZ Company (didn't you just hear the sarcasm oozing)
SOUE:  May I speak to Joe Blow (not his real name)
PD:  We have no one here by that name.....waiting......waiting......alrighty then hang up.

Ring, Ring.

PD:  XYZ Company.
SOUE:  Is this a business? (think and hear, Kathy Bates, Misery, saying Mr. Man)
PD:  Yes.
SOUE:  Well (huff, huff), I can not believe that a BUSINESS would hang up on me.  I work for the State of Utah!
PD:  Blink, blink.  (and I care because?)
SOUE:  May I please speak to a manager.
PD:  (smiling uncontrollably) I'm a manager. (silent raspberry)
SOUE:  Well, (huff, huff), I can't believe a MANAGER would hang up on me! 
PD:  What is it you need? (starting to get my panties in a wad)
SOUE:  Well, could I have someone in HR then, anyone but YOU. 
PD:  Well, I'm HR so WHAT IS IT YOU NEED? (Silently laughing my butt off cuz she still needs to talk to ME)
SOUE:  Did Joe Blow EVER work there?

sidebar:  if she wanted that information in the first place, the first time she called, before I hung up on her butt, the PROFESSIONAL way to have asked would be.  May I please talk to someone to verify employment?  Just sayin'.

PD:  Well, yeah, about 3 years ago.
SOUE:  (still bitter) Do you have any paperwork on him?
PD: (No lady, I don't keep crap like that, duh) Yes, please hold while I go get his file.
..................... holding ..................... telling co-workers what a B she is .................. looking for paperwork...............she's still holding..............Did I mention we don't have music on hold.....  :) ..........

PD:   Was that Joe Blow or Joe Blue?
SOUE:  (spitting fire at me)  Blow
PD:  What is it you would like to know.
SOUE:  A date of last employed.
PD:  That would be blah, blah, blah, 2008.
SOUE:  Do you know where he went?
PD:  (rolling eyes).  NO (and furthermore, do I care)
SOUE:  Was he fired?
PD:  Yes.  Last I heard he had moved to California.
SOUE:  Ok, Bye.

Ok, bye.  WTH?  You just ruined my afternoon, made me want to hit you, and all you can say is ok, bye?  

Oh well, such is life.

On a lighter note, only 10 more months till Christmas Day. :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Walking The Red Carpet

I received some awards the last couple of week.  Being the cool person I am, I dressed up in my best dress and accepted them with pride. 

The first one was from Jenny at My Life As Jenny
I tell you what.  This girl makes me laugh.  Hard.  I can't believe she thinks I'm funny.  But Jenny, thanks bunches. *blush*

The second one comes from Marti at MarviMarti

What the heck girl, me, stylish?  Well, I did get the new hairdo, as did you.  We rock.

Rules, schmules.  I'm supposed to tell you 7 things about myself.  Too hard.  So I stole some of the questions that Sunday Stealing had a few week ago.  Hows that for things about myself.  (say it, you are impressed, I'll wait)

1. What is your favorite Mexican dish?
Gosh.  I would have to say a sweet pork burrito from Cafe Rio.  Smothered with medium sauce.
Are you hungry now or what?

2. When you were a kid, did you get started on your homework right away after school, or did you procrastinate?
Homework?  What is this thing you call homework.  I'm a true blue, never do, homework.  Ok, I did the bare minimum but none of this do 4 hours of the crap every night.  Being a kid is too short.  Have some fun.  Yeah, I was a bad mom, when my kids said, I hate homework, I would agree.  :)

3. What is your favorite store for home furnishings?
Anywhere that has a nice piece of furniture that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. 

4. When you were young, did you like school lunches?
How young are we talking?  When I was in elementary school, I lived about 1 block away from the school so I went home everyday.  Middle school it was, buy crap (yes, crap, like candy bars at the student union.  How do you think I got such the voluptuous figure)  High school I actually enjoyed the school lunch.  I ate salads a lot.  That is where I found my love for blue cheese dressing.

5. Is religion a crutch?
 Like a crutch when you break a leg.  No, I get those from the pharmacy.
6. In your region, what is the “big” high school sport?

7. Do you consider yourself rich?
I consider myself rich when it comes to my husband, kids and grandkids.
8. Which of these would you have the best chance administering:
B) Heimlich Maneuver
C) Changing a flat tire
Probably the Heimlich maneuver.  CPR ummm no, changing a flat tire, could probably do it but I would probably play the "poor woman" card. :)

9. Which dance would you prefer to learn and why:
A) Salsa
B) Hip Hop
C) Waltz
D) Swing
I'm going with Salsa.  Mostly because I have no rhythm in my body whatsoever.  I could probably fake my way through the salsa.  It's got sexy moves, and we all know I'm too sexy for myself, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy.....

10. Name something you learned in college that had nothing to do with classes or academics.
Hahahaha, hehehehehe.  College.  Didn't you read number 2.  Me and school were not the best of friends.  Oh, I graduated high school in the middle of my class, but to go to college, ummm, no.  I would say the thing I learned about college is you pay a lot of money that someday you have to pay back.  Please don't be hating.  It just wasn't my cup-o-tea.

Now I'm supposed to give this award to a bunch of bloggers.  I can't do it.  I can't list every single one of you.  It tears my heart out to leave people out.  So here's the deal.  Please, please, please, if you want either of these awards, grab it.  You can say I gave it to you if it makes you feel better.  I give it to those of you that make me laugh out loud at work.  I give it to those who make me get goosebumps.  I also give it to those of you that hate the winter.  Also those who have had horrible, rotten things happening to them right now.  You are all fantastic bloggers and deserve these awards.  Go ahead, they're yours.  You're welcome.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dear...... 2.22.11

It's Dear..... letter time.   I know, you are all sooo excited.  How do I know this?  Because I have so many link ups every week.  Oh, wait.  I have 2 loyal link ups.  If those two would like me to keep going with this meme, please let me know.  Otherwise, I'm going to give up.  World domination is not going to be mine.  I'm good with that. 
Anycryinglater,  if you would like to link up, grab the code over there on the sidebar, do your Dear..... letters and come back and link up.  They can be, I love you, I don't like you much, you rock my world.  Anything.  It is fun.  Not roller coaster fun, but almost.  With that, here are mine.
Dear Punxsutawney Phil.  You my dear rodent are a big fat humongous liar.  "Spring will be arriving early this year".  R.I.G.H.T.  Snow, snow and more snow is all I've seen since you made your big announcement.  I'm tired of winter.  I'm tired of cold.  I don't live in the Antarctic, but you seem to think I enjoy that cold frigid air stream.  Get over yourself Phil, I don't believe in a thing you see or don't see anymore.  We are through!
Dear Credit Dude.  Yeah, you, you @&^(%@#!  Read your damn emails.  Thanks for making me so mad on Friday that I had to go drive around just to calm down.  You need to meet another person I know, his name is Punxsutawney Phil.  You two would make a great couple.
Dear March 4th.  Please get here fast, fast, fast.  I can't wait to go to Idaho and visit my cwauson.  I need a vacation.  (refer to Dear Credit Dude)
Dear Youngest Brother.  I am glad that I got a blackberry so we can "Blackberry IM".  I'm enjoying sending you stupid statements hoping that you read them in a meeting and have people look at you funny.  I'm also glad that we are getting re-acquainted.  You deserve a little more me in your life.  (what?)
Dear Woman In The Group.  Yeah, you guys, you know who you are.  Thank you so much for bringing me into the fold.  I truly, truly hope that we can meet someday.  Thanks for accepting me just the way I am.  
Dear 3 Year Old Granddaughter.  Thank you for letting me help you in the potty training this weekend.  It did my heart good to not be Grandma From Hell.  It was well worth the ice cream cone and 2 dollars I bribed you with. 
I say this every week.  Join in.  It's fun.  It's exciting.  It's a barrel of laughs.  You won't regret it.  Or I could just track you down and hurt you.  Bwaa-haa-haa.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Where The Truth Lies

Do you think you got my truth?  Some of you sure went the long way around guessing.  But heck, that was a riot seeing what you thought. 

Lets get the show on the road, shall we.

1.  I have been on TV
This is a semi truth.  Back when there were horse and buggy's that got us everywhere, there was a talk show called Donahue.  You oldsters will remember it.  His show came to Salt Lake many moons ago and I got tickets for me, my mom and older sister.  So, yeah, you didn't see me but I was there. 

3.  I was an awesome potty trainer.
I was MOTHER FROM HELL potty trainer.  I'm surprised my children haven't had to have therapy for the screaming I did. 

4.  I was beat up by another girl from a different school.
Lie again.  Even tho there is an underlying story to this one.  I was in the pep squad in high school.  Again, all you youngsters, that is what they had before dance teams did all the halftime entertainment.  Anybeatmeuplater, after the game between my school and West High, the meanest, baddest, school when I was around, me and some friends were walking to my car.  Most the people had left.  Some fine outstanding students from West High followed us to my car, saying mean things.  We got in and they started pounding on my car.  You should have seen me pull out of there.  Whew.

5.  I was kicked off a ride at Six Flags for being too fat.
So, ummm, it could have happened.  I was in Dallas and we went to Six Flags.  I can't even remember the name of the ride, but once you got on the seats, the handles came down, and being the plus size woman I am, scrunched my belly.  The little person that had to go down and double check had to push with all her little might to get the little green light to come on.  But alas, I sucked in my gut long enough to turn on the light.

2.  I once traveled on an airplane under an assumed name.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, with unicorns and candy sidewalks, there was a thing called The Airport.  No TSA agents, no checking your ID.  Pick those jaws up, its true.  Those were the days.  aaaaaahhhh.
I worked for the company from hell that fired layed me off.  They were big into sending customers to things.  There was a big plumbing expo in Vegas.  Customers had to buy mega amounts of stuff from us in a 6 month period, and be on time paying their bills.  If they did so, we would pay for their airfare, lodging, tickets to the expo, and to the comedian they lined up for one nights entertainment,  in good ole sin city.  They also paid for the outside sales guys, and another girl and I to go because we were in charge of getting everyone situated.  She was in charge of the hotels, I was in charge of the flights.  Back in those days, they made us buy as many tickets as we needed many months in advance.  Therefore, we had to put assumed names on all the tickets.  That was a joy, let me tell you.  I was in the airport for 6 hours, going from one airline to another, making sure the customers remembered what "their name" was.  There was an older owner of a company, that had a total freakout, because he wasn't going to be able to get his skymiles.  Oh, poor baby.  The freaking flight was paid for, what are you bitching and moaning about. 

So, there you have it.  How did you do? 

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Scavenger Hunt Sunday - 2.20.11

Ola Amigos.  And that is the extent of my Spanish.  :)
It's Scavenger Hunt time again, hosted by our ever gracious Ashley Sisk at Ramblings and Photos
Are you ready for some Pho-to's (said in my best are you ready for some football voice)

I would have to say this was the best chocolate covered strawberry I have  ever had.  The strawberry was so sweet, and it was smothered in chocolate.  Total F.O.

Holy moly, numbers almost got to me, but then, I have to look at freaking numbers at least 4 times a day.  Being diabetic does have it's advantages. :)

Canned Food
This could also have been used for stack but I had a much better photo for that.  Now I'm craving some sweet and sour chicken.
My hubby, the music collector.  I bought this picture for him last year.  I saw it and it was sooooo him.  It hangs in his man cave. 
Valentines Day (well Sunday) trip to Sizzler.  Home of the best salad bar ever.  He had stacked almost everything available on his salad.  Told you I had a better one for stack. 

Next weeks prompts look a little bit on the hard side.  But then, when aren't I complaining about something, right.  Of course right.

Capture the Sky

Hell, you would have thought this weeks prompts were blur.  My blood sugars must have been playing with my eyes.  I took a lot of blurring shots last week. 

Anyphotos, try this out, its mega fun.