Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Another Round Of "Can Dazee Do It"

Oh the joys of driving back and forth to work.  Hell, I'm even a backseat driver road rager.  Doesn't matter, if I'm on the road, the wrath of Dazee is due to come out.

Anyroadragelater, coming to work this morning the normal go through the light to get to the freeway entrance light was backed up.  After sitting through the light 3 times, I decided a little detour was in order.  Scenic route took us to the next freeway entrance.  Easy peasy, until we got on the freeway and there was nothing but brake lights ahead.  Oh goodie.  I actually said to my daughter-in-law, there better be an accident for this traffic because if it's just because we have brake happy drivers, I'm going to be pissed.  (yeah, no coffee in my system yet, we'll blame it on that)

I was in the slow lane.  I wanted to move over.  Oh yeah, not a good idea.  So I kept looking to see if I had a chance, because we all know, people are soooo nice to let you in.  I see a break in the action, just about the time we get to the accident.  I put my signal on (because I'm courteous like that) and start moving over.  All of the sudden, out of the blue a man and his car come SPEEDING up, honking at me, AND SHAVING WITH HIS ELECTRIC SHAVER.  So he tries to scream into the next lane, the lady in front of me is already moving over to there, and he proceeds to keep shaving and honking at her.  The words coming out of my mouth were very pleasant.  :)

Oh and the accident was icky.  Car hit the cement wall and was pretty smashed up.  So yeah, at least it wasn't just brake happy people.  

The purpose of this post.  Well, I told my D-I-L that I was going to take a poll on my blog to see if you, my dear readers, thought I could go a day without road rage.  Hey, stop laughing.  No really, stop it right now!!!!!!

Here is your chance.  Depending on what the poll result is, I shall do my duty to abide by my peeps.

Can Dazee Go One Day Without Road Rage?
 Of course she can, she rocks like that
 No way in hell. Road rage is her life
 Only if she has duct tape over her mouth free polls 

Let the voting begin.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011



Today, I have a very special Dear Letter.  Yes, It is truly an emotional moment for me.

Dear Waddaah,
Waddaah you saying to me?  hahaha, cracking myself up, just had to say that.

Yesterday, as I opened up my work email, there it was, a very special email from you.
Oh my gosh.  My first facebook friend request from someone in another country.  My heart was going pitter-patter.  It surely was.  But my Dear Waddaah, having been taught by the IT department to NEVER, EVER open an email if I didn't know the person, I decided to go check you out.

I went to Facebook, and searched your name.  I just needed to find out more about you before giving myself to you freely.  
This is Waddaah I saw.  Giggle-snort.
You were no where to be found, my friend.  I was shocked and amazed that you would toy with my heart that way.  Maybe you just wanted to send me a virus.  I hear guys like you are like that.  Maybe if I had opened the email, I would have found your real name.  Yeah, that's what it is, you were going incognito.  Damn, I wish now I wouldn't have been so quick as to click the delete key.  My bad.

But, being one to never let things get me down, I think that I found the "real" you in all my searching.
Oh, be still my beating heart.  

"Oh sweet mystery of life I've found you"
I am overcome with admiration of you ear piercing.  I know you have done that just for me, so as when we are walking down the street I can ever so lovingly twine my fingers into the hole.  Such a sweet, sweet man you are to think of a way to hold "hands" without them being chopped off by your village.

But the most exciting thing is your lower lip.  Oh baby.  There is nothing that turns me on more than being able to put a morsel of food or tasty dessert on your little plate and watch you slowly get it into you mouth.  No, no really, I'm not gagging while watching you, its just a custom where I come from.  A sign of true love.  Not only that, but I'm sure when you take you special "plate" out, I can grab a hold of your sick and wrong lovely lip and drag you home for the night.

But alas, Dear Waddaah, I am a married woman.  I can not be your "friend".  Mr. Dazee would not take kindly to the fact that a man of your appearance has requested my friendship.  Some things are just not possible. 

Never give up the quest for finding the woman of your dreams.

All my love


Monday, August 29, 2011

Why Can't I Find The Restroom?

Another Monday.  Another week of work begins.  I've put my game face on and I'm facing the day with a dazzling smile.  

Today you are going to hear about what it takes to find the restrooms in our building.  Word to the wise.  It's not hard.  Very easy.  

Enter older man asking the question that kind of makes me want to answer in a stupid way.
"Do you have a restroom?"  No, we aren't allowed restrooms.  Just a pet peeve of mine.  Moving on.

Just about this time I come out of my office to go hit the restroom.  Since we share a wall, if I see a man headed to the restroom, I stand and chat a minute, because, well, I'm a shy pee-er.  Ok.  Gosh.

Dude starts heading down the hallway.  So I do my waiting stance.
He heads right down the hall, towards the back door there, past the restrooms and looks around the door
Seeing, the inside of the office.  
He starts heading back towards the front office.  I'm thinking, cool, I'm about to pee my pants, so I head on back.  
As I make myself comfortable, I hear dude open the door to the storage closet
Nope, no restrooms in here either.
I'm thinking as I'm listening to all the ruckus,

So what have you learned today?
1.  When asking where a restroom is, please say, "where are you restrooms"
2.  Listen closely to instructions
3.  Look both ways when walking down a hall
4.  Restrooms are usually marked as such
5.  Dazee is a shy pee-er.

And most importantly
Dazee has her camera at ALL TIMES
and she's not afraid to use it.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Dinner At Little Joes

Jenny Matlock

Its Saturday, so besides my usually lazy day of napping and vegging on the web, I join up with Jenny Matlock and her Saturday Centus.  

You know the rules, she gives us a prompt (which is in blue) and we are off to the races with our story.  This week she has returned to the good ole 100 words, plus the 3 in the prompt.    Honestly guys, you need to try this.  It is so hard much fun.  


As Caden and Robyn were driving to the restaurant to meet his parents, they talked about what they were going to ask them.

“Do you think that they will let us move in”, asked Robyn.  

“They have a couple of extra rooms now that everyone has moved out, and it would really help us save for our own home”, Caden replied.

As they walked into Little Joes, they spotted his parents.  After their orders were taken, Robyn blurted out, “Surprise! I'm pregnant!”.  

But the surprises didn’t stop there.  Caden’s mom looked at them with a glowing face and replied, “I am too”.  

SOOC - 8.27.11

I love, love, love this meme.  Why you ask?  Because I can take a photo of ANYTHING and show it off.  A big shout out to Marvelous Mommy for sponsoring this.  Sal-lute

Also, I can never just post a photo.  I always have to talk.  What is my problem.  

I must tell you the story of what inspired my SOOC photos.  One day, a semi driver brought us in a load of pipe at work.  He came in to use the restroom and Lizzie, who just so happens to be my daughter-in-law but also works with me, noticed that he had a big ole tattoo on his chest that said LIZZIE.  Random.  Being that we work with deranged guys, they said that she just had to go get a picture of him.  (I goodnaturely offered my camera)  She is such a good sport that she did.  He was stinking, BO smelling, sweating, but look at that cute smile on her face.  Yes we sprayed her down with air freshener after the whole ordeal.  I came home, cropped in my son (not very good) and added words.  Put the photo on our "crazy work pictures" bulletin board and all was well.  

We came to work on a Monday and this is what was all over her cubicle.  Yup.  One of the guys, I'll call him Bryce, because, well, that's his name, had decided to have a little fun with the photo.  This was only one spot covered in that picture.  It was all along the wall coming into the building, the women's restroom was covered, even the toilet seat, and some placed behind some doors for her to find at random times.

Of course, she waited about a month to get back to him.  And boy did she.  He has a thermal coffee mug that he uses every day.  One Friday she kifed it in the afternoon and hid it in her purse.  Luckily his wife had come in that day, so when it came up missing he just thought that she had taken it home to wash it.  Bwa-haha.  When he came in on Monday, this is what he found on his desk.
 Look closely.  There is his mug and lid (to the left) in jello.  Blueberry jello.  (thank you The Office).  Poor guy was tasting blueberry in his coffee for a week.  

They have called a truce.  Somehow I think not.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Bladders..and Dummies..and Shoes......Oh My

(sung to Clementine)
Oh my darlings, oh My Mad Mind, oh My Boo-bies with a Blog
It is Friday once aga-ain, Oh my darlings, kiss a frog.  :) (it rhymes, get over it)

Let us start with the least of my frustrations this week.

What the frack is this p.i.m.p.l.e that decided to pop up to the surface right by my left ear?  Doesn't my body know by now that I answer the phone at work with that ear.  I mean, the handset to the ear, don't get all, "she answers the phone with her ear, I must see this".   I'm fifty four freaking years old, go away pimples!!!!!!

Speaking of phones

I know I've mentioned this before, but it has to be restated here.  PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE.  For the love of money, PLEASE DO NOT CALL A BUSINESS and say these dreaded words said to phone answering people (I refuse to say receptionist or secretary) 

Step by step conversation, for all you having a hard time following along.

Phone Answerer:  XYZ Company
Person On Other End:  I just missed a call from this number.
PA:  That's nice, this is a business, it could be one of 20 people
POOE:  Well, could you find out.
PA:  Did they leave a message?
POOE:  I don't know, I saw I missed a call
Sidebar:  Are you so in need of friends that you call back every call that you miss.  I myself WILL NOT call a number back, unless they leave a voicemail informing me who they are and what they want.  Get over yourselves.
Oh, and then, I actually had this statement just Wednesday.
POOE:  Who is this again?
Sidebar:  WTH.  Fracking LISTEN to the person that answers the phone.  XYZ Company sounds a lot different than HELLO.
PA:  XYZ Company
POOE:  Hmmm, I have no idea who it could have been.  
PA:  Me either.  Maybe you should check to see IF they left a VOICEMAIL and then give us a call back, mmmkay.

Breathing, Breathing.

Last, but certainly not least

My Bladder
Yes you heard it right, it's getting the pickled finger of fate award this week too.
How is it that I can leave work, drive home, stop and get out of my car to pick up some frozen yogurt (yum), get back in my car, drive to our community mailboxes, get out of my car, get the mail, get back into my car, all without having a need to "go".
But the minute I grab my stuff out of the car, still feeling ok, make my way into the house, and then get that feeling of....
The Toilet, ever so softly calling my name.  I try to ignore it, but my bladder says, yes, my darling, and then all of the sudden, I'm doing the insane potty dance, running to the bathroom and barely making it.
Huh, huh, tell me.  How in the frack does your bladder know you are home?  Get back to me on this one, ok.

Now on to the Shoes I will NEVER EVER WEAR, but love to pretend I have Tina Turner Legs and could actually wear them.  Thanks again to A Daft Scots Lass for the honor of doing so.

A Daft Scots Lass

Don't know who makes them, don't know how much they cost, but they are 6" stilletos. 

Of course I'm showing you the purple ones last.  Duh.

I have to say, IF, I could rock it, and not knock all my teeth out, I would get the animal prints ones.  Rawr.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Like Sands Through A Hourglass - These Are The SCARS Of My Life

Bonjour les amis mon.  
Or, if you are unlanguaged'ed like me, HELLO MY FRIENDS.  Yes, apparently I do need to go to Miss Jenny's class weekly to become better acquainted with words in the English Dictionary.  

This week's lesson quiz report is brought to us by the letter

Many of us have some type of scars in our lives.  They could be emotional, traumatic, or physical.  

I am going to tell you about the actual scars of my life.

Let us begin.  
This scar is the first one I ever got.  I was all of the age of 3.  It is on the bottom of my chin.  I still remember to this day how I got it.  Which is amazing since I don't remember a lot of things from my 3 year old age.  We were playing with some friends (I think) and I was pushing the bench type seat on the swing set.  I got too close and as it came back to me it smacked me smack dab in the chin.  I remember bleeding a ton, but couldn't tell you if I was taken to the hospital or not.  

I received this scar when I was 11.  My last year of elementary school.  When I was the rollerskating queen of the neighborhood.  My brother pushed me as I was going down our down slopped driveway, around the car.  He pushed me so hard I headed towards the garage and put my right arm through the window on the garage.  132 stitches later, I had the scar of my battle.  I think back, and you know, nowadays they would have called in a plastic surgeon to stitch me up.  But beings that this was in the pre 9-1-1 days, you drove yourself to the emergency room, your regular General Practitioner was called in, you were put in a regular ER room and stitched up.  Wow, how times have changed.  Apparently the cut was in a Y shape but our doctor pulled the V part together so it wouldn't be quite as frankensteinish.  For a long, long time, whenever it was cold, it would turn bright red which was always good for my self esteem.  

When I was in my 20's I had a growth on my right arm up by my shoulder.  It wasn't cancerous, but I hated the looks of it, and people were always saying, "what's that on your arm", because they don't think you are already self conscience about it.  So I had the doctor my mom worked for at the time remove it.  I like to call it my spider scar, because, well look at it, a spider.  Yuk

Lastly, when I was 33 I had the lovely, slip on black ice adventure at work.  Ruptured a disk in my back.  Down towards my tailbone.  This is the scar from my surgery.  Mr. Dazee was afraid I was going to go all plumbers crack on you when he took the picture.  But alas, I spared all of you from having to pour acid in your eyes to get over it.  They did the "scrape away" of the ruptured disk type surgery.  If you look really, really hard with your x-ray vision, you will see that they cut a hole in my pelvic bone in a square shape about the size of a quarter to get to said disk.  Now I have arthritis in said bone.  Love me the cold weather, let me tell ya.

One thing I noticed.  I may feel like I am 25, but my skin looks like it is in its 60's.  I'm sorry.  I really didn't feel old till I started fine tuning these photos.  I apologize for any trauma I have caused by having to look at it.
Just think of the trauma I went through "seeing" that I'm not quite as young as I feel.  

There you have it.  The Scars of my life.  I figure between my tattoo's and my scars, if I am ever murdered and left at the side of the road, (yeah, one too many episodes of Law & Order SVU, Criminal Minds, and NCIS), they should have no problem identifying my body.  

Jenny Matlock

Don't Be Mean To My Blackberry - It Has Feelings Too....

Taming Insanity

I love me some photo challenges.  Taming Insanity has started this new photo meme that is all about photo's you take from your iPhone, or I'm just going to say the camera on your phone, because really, not everyone has an iPhone and that would be discrimination, and ummm, I don't think they have enough money to pay for our lawsuit.  Ok.  Just kidding. 
As if I would ever sue you.

First up.  I go past this sign every morning on my way to work.  It is for the hospital just down the road.  As you can kind of tell, it gives you a wait time.   The wording to the side of the sign says, "get treated, not seated".  I don't know about you, but when it says there is a Zero wait time, I'm on my way.

The next lucky winner is a goofy sales rep that comes in to see people where I work.  I had to change his face because, well, he didn't know I snapped his picture on my phone.  You know, you do the whole, I'm pretending to text while I snap your picture.  Yeah.  So anygoofydudelater, his attire has always bothered me.  A tee shirt, tucked in to dress pants, and usually they are pulled higher than in this particular photo.  But really, whoever told him a tee shirt and dress pants was business attire, is well, not ready for Project Runway. 

Now my favorite photo of the bunch.  This up and coming artist has already been featured on my blog before.  This is a picture of me, grammie.   I have short curly hair, ummm, I think my arms are coming out of my head, or they are my ears.  She's 3, you decide.  Apparently I wasn't too happy that day because I have a flat line smile.  The big green dot in the middle of my forehead?  Well, that is a huge pimple.  Yup, she said it.  And the little green figure to the side of me.  That's my friend Machaelle.  She is a zombie.  Again, her words.   

This is a fun meme.  Go on over and check out some more entries.  Or better yet, try this yourself.  Only rule, you can't submit photos taken with a real camera.  Has to be a phone camera.  

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

And That's The Way It Is

A couple of weeks ago I received the Versatile Blogger Award from The Charming Mad Chatter.  Because there were rules involved, of which there were tell us something about you, I couldn't think of anything I haven't told you.  Thank you Mad Chatter for the award.

So in the spirit of what I do best, I stole these questions from Byzantium's Shores.  They were different and didn't have to use too much brain power.   Well, ok, there was a lot of brain power involved, but I just had to answer the questions, telling the truth, the whole truth, so help me God.  You may be seated.

If you could go back in time and relive one moment, what would it be?
Wow,  this is a hard one.  Only because I really wouldn't want to go back and live any of my life again.  No, it wasn't all fun and games, but I just don't want to go back.  I'm having the time of my life right now.

If you could g back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
I think that I would go back to when I was in my 20's.  What would I change?  I would change the way I was back then about being scared to be my own person.  Feeling like I had to do as my parents told raised me to do and be.   Sticking up for my feelings about things.  Not being afraid that I would hurt someone because it wasn't exactly what they wanted.  

What movie/TV character do you most resemble in personality?
I am going with Quiser in Steel Magnolias.  She acts like
she is all mean and ornery but there is a sweet side to her that she keeps hidden away. 

If you could push one person off a cliff and get away with it, who would it be? 
Only one?  How about a group of the same kind of people.  Hey I don't always follow the rules.  
Politicians?  Is anyone else already tired of the "running for office" bullshit.  No, not them, close second tho.
Child, wife and husband abusers.  All types.  Yup, they are the ones being pushed off the cliff.  Can't stand how they bring people to such a low and get away with it.  If you see a big ole piece of equipment coming at you, you know you've been caught.

Name one habit you want to change in your­self.
Yikes.  A habit.  hmmmm, ok, I'm going with my love affair with all things pastry.  That is a bad habit.  

Describe your­self in one word.

Why do you blog? (In one sen­tence)
One sentence?  Are you kidding me?  Ok, here goes.
I blog because it lets me get things off my chest, or promote other people, and show off my kids, and try to bring laughter into others lives, with once in a while a cry fest to make you cry.
Phew that was a long sentence and would totally get me a D in English class. :)

Now I'm supposed to give this award to some of you.  I hate this part.  You don't see your name on here and you start crying.  Then you send me hate emails.  Then I cry for days and I am not pretty when I cry. 

So, if you want to grab these questions, go ahead.  I look forward to seeing how you would answer them.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Shameless Promotion or NOT

 Here's the deal-le-o.  I have entered again this year in A Daft Scots Lass Tattoo Challenge.  I don't expect to win, but I would love for you to go over and vote for your favorite. 

There are some awesome, cool tattoo's up for the challenge, and the reasons behind them are so cool.  

Like I said, don't vote for me unless you like mine.  But do vote for the others that have entered.  They would love it if you did.

The contest ends Wednesday.

Thanks guys.  You rock.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

The Chat

Jenny Matlock

Can I just say, that wow, hard, hard prompt this week.  At least Jenny took pity on us and gave us 150 words to use, plus the 4 words in the prompt.   As always, the prompt is in blue.

The Chat

Gwen had looked forward to this day for months.  Her daughter’s family was in town and she was finally able to spend time with her 13 year old grandson Chad.  

They had just been seated at the local cafĂ©.  Chad was being really quiet.  It was so unlike him.  After placing their order, she looked over at him and asked what was on his mind.

“Grandma”, he said, “If I die young will anyone remember me?”.  Gwen tried to hide the shock on her face as she thought of how to reply to such a loaded question.

As she looked into his questioning eyes, tears starting falling down her face.  Chad had just gone through his first round of chemo, and knew that his chances of growing old were not looking good.

“You have already left your mark on this world”, she replied, “and will never be forgotten”.

Friday, August 19, 2011

SOOC - 8.20.11

SOOC Saturday

I love this photography meme sponsored by Marvelous Mommy.   It has actually inspired me to catch things that I wouldn't otherwise.  

This week I had 2 photo's I couldn't choose between so I'm doing them both.  :)

The first one is of the Up House.  Here in Herriman, Utah for the Parade of Homes, one of the builders got permission from Disney to build the Up House.  During the 2 weeks of parading through the homes, they even added the balloons to the fireplace.  

Here is straight out of my camera.
And the edited version
The mailbox even is the same from the movie.  Handprints and everything.  I didn't buy tickets to go inside, but was told that it was done exactly the way the house was in the movie, even as far as retro appliances in the kitchen.  Wow.

My favorite photo of the week tho was of a hummingbird that got stuck in our garage.  Apparently it was stranded there over night.  The next morning my son-in-law came in and told us that he had opened both the garage doors to see if it could  find it's way out.  

The hummingbird was attracted to my SIL's bright shirt.  At one point it came right up to his chest and started poking its beak against the colors on his chest trying to find food.

Before.  (and boy those suckers are fast)

After bringing out the colors.

It took about an hour, but it finally found its way out.

Enemy of Tree & Fall Shoes

Friday has finally arrived.  But it has been a pretty good week.  

Joining up as I always do on Friday with Christy and Boobies.  Thanks as always ladies.  
I only have one dumbass this week.  Told you it was a good week.

Umm, what the frack?
  To the fracktard that came speeding down our street.  Dude/Dudette, first of all, you were going way to fast.  Second, you hit the tree, get stuck, finally get out, and then speed off again?  Honestly, when I see this tree, I think of the drunk person that hit another human, said human was stuck in the windshield, and left him there to go "sleep it off".  I am pretty sure there was some damage to the front end of your car.   If you were a teenager, I would have loved to be the fly on the wall when your parents asked about the front end damage.  You are extremely lucky one of the kids weren't across the street playing.  Idiot.

Now for some fun fall shoes that would make me fall if I actually wore them.  :)

A Daft Scots Lass

Jimmy Choo
John Galliano

So, so cute.  I can think of myself as skinny and young enough to wear those.  I envy you ladies that do.  But I rock the flip flops.  Oh yes I can.