Tests, Tests and More Tests

Welcome to your first day of medical school. I bet you can hardly wait. And what a great field of medicine you have chosen. Liver Transplantation. 

What does it take to get on the liver transplant list.  Tons of tests, that’s what. Let’s get started. Get your learning caps on, as always there will be a trick question. 

First you meet with the transplant surgeon. Last class we learned how much I enjoyed that one. Next you meet with the social worker. If you have a spouse in the room with you, they are asked to leave for a minute so they can ask the “are you in an abusive relationship” question.  No I am not so they let him back in. They go over most of the emotional issues that can arise. 

Then you meet with the financial person. They have called your insurance company to find out if they will cover you. They then tell you how much you will be responsible for.  If insurance doesn’t cover much they give you information on things you can do to get money donated. Fun times. 

After that, all the physical tests are ready for you to pass. First off they send you to the lab to get your BLOOD DRAW. Most the time when you get a lab draw they take two or three vials. Haha. They took 37 (it might have been 27, but that’s still a lot), vials of blood out of me.  I’ll have to ask my coordinator, (hey girl). Thought I would need a blood transfusion after that. You also get a URINE TEST.  As a woman, those are hard to direct your pee into that tiny cup. I have been known to drop that damn thing into the toilet.  Just sayin’. 

HEART TESTS

EKG and STRESS TEST. You will be asked to either walk on a treadmill on an incline, or ride a stationary bike. Here they determine the blood flow within your heart.  Since I had yet to recover from my hip replacement, they had me lay on a table and then injected a drug that mimics the effects of exercise. ECHO TRANSTHORACIC with BUBBLE STUDY. They inject saline after agitation with air to create micro bubbles that the ultrasound looks at in the right heart chamber and the coronary sinus.  

LUNG TESTS

X-RAYS. I especially like when they make you put your arms in the air. PULMANARY FUNCTION. This measures your lung size and air flow. HEPATOPUMANARY. Breathing test

LIVER TESTS

ARTERIAL BLOOD GAS TEST. Measures the oxygen and carbon dioxide in your blood. I will also mention that this one hurts. MRI or CT scan. Here they check for tumors and blood supply. LIVER BIOPSY. All things they can’t see from other tests. ULTRASOUND. Here they check for liver size, shape and circulation. 

MISC TESTS

TB TEST. DENTAL EXAM. If you have bad teeth they have to be fixed before you can get on the list. PROSTRATE or PELVIC EXAM. I told them I wouldn’t get a prostrate exam. That’s where I draw the line. MAMMOGRAM. COLONOSCOPY. 

SIX MINUTE WALK

This test was by far the hardest test for me to pass. It gives the doctors clues about your heart, lungs and blood vessels. You must be able to walk 380 yards in the 6 minute timeline. 380 yards equals 1140 feet which equals a quarter mile. I failed this test 2 times. I failed it one more time but that will be brought up in another chapter. 

Now it’s time for the trick question you all were waiting for me to give.  

How many tests does it take to get on the transplant list???

EIGHTEEN. Yes you read that right. If that was your answer, you have passed.

 Congratulations.