Ummmmm..........

I want to write commercials.  Really.  Seems like you can get away with a lot on them lately.  I love the ones with double intrundras.  I have to admit, I giggle/snort when this one is playing
Meanwhile, back in the real world........
After months of my blackberry deciding to scroll WHILE I'm trying to text, or email, I decided that it was time to get a new one.  Dudes, phones are super expensive anymore.  I had to go with the payment plan, because our plan/plan isn't on a contract so new phones must be outright purchased or payment planned.  (Yes, I have great english skills)
I have to say tho, I had the BEST EXPERIENCE with the gang at T-Mobile.

Why yes, here they are now.  From left to right,

Mitch, Carelsy, Luis

If Luis looks familiar, he made it to the top 50, season 6, on So You Think You Can Dance. 

I must admit, I was not in the happiest of moods when I went in.  This job situation crap. But alas, it is not stopping me........anynewphonelater, by the time I left, Luis was calling me mom, Mitch offered me a taste of his milkshake, which was a bubblegum flavor, and no I didn't have a taste, and Carelsy, well she had to scold me once because I let the F word fly when something upset me.   Then they all burst out laughing and I was in like Flynn.

Another thing, some of you people are just crazy.  I was asking them how often people get a new phone.  Good golly miss molly, they told me that people are upgrading all the time.  They get tired of their phones, want something new.  Me, well, I had to wait until I was ready to throw my blackberry against the wall.  (oh, Mr. Dazee would have, we all know that, because he's a man, and the inanimate object can feel pain)  

Phones are EXPENSIVE!!!!   I already mentioned this.  Shame on people that constantly need the next best thing.  Where do you get your money?   No, don't answer that, I don't want to be an accessory to the fact.  

Anyway, I wanted to give a shoutout to my sales crew at T-Mobile.  They actually made my day, and made me feel like I was cool.  Well, I am, but sometimes it's awesome to have someone besides myself think that.

Now, I must go confess to Mr. Dazee that I got the new phone.  Didn't tell him yet.  Was waiting for the right moment.  That moment is now.  Wish me luck.

If you hear screaming.......it's not going well..........

(Mr. Dazee when he hears the news)

Watch Out I'm Back With A Vengeance

Today one of my dear friends said this to me after I told her that I've been depressed for awhile, and is missing the funny in me.

Grab the back of your granny panties.. yank hard.. and pull yourself out of this freaking depression.. and get your ass back to writing funny...

that's an official order child!

She loves me.  No really, she does. 

Not only am I back with a vengeance, but I'm going to give you the ABS's of what's been on my mind.  Keep your arms and legs inside because you might be in for a bumpy ride.

Anger

Yeah, I've been super angry.  Angry that I was fired.  Angry that no one seems to want to hire me.  Well you know what.  Too bad, so sad.  Every single person out there that doesn't want to have anything to do with my fabulous skills can just jump off a cliff.

Boobies

Yeah, my boobs do not like bra's.  They squeeze them together and make me sweat.  You have no boobies, well aren't you just so lucky.  It really makes me wonder if people with "fake girls" ever have "boiling boobies".  Hey, its a legitimate question.

Construction

The never ending, drive me crazy, get the freaking roads done already, construction.  

Destructive People

You know, those, gee, I'm so bored right now, lets go down that neighborhood and bust in their car windows.  What planet do these nuttjobs come from.

Eardrums

My eardrums have been itching like crazy lately.  Now, what does that mean?  I think its something like, "if your ears are itching, someone is talking about you".  Ok, fess up, who are you?  Are you talking about giving me lots of money.  I sure hope so, I could use it.  Christmas is on its way you know.

Facebook

I like facebook.  I put awesome status's.  But apparently I don't have the "friend" base that others have because, well, I could say something like "I was walking across the street, and fell flat on my face".  No comments.  We could care less.  But then I see other people that make a comment like, "I ate frosting for breakfast" and they get 20 comments.   Yeah, I'm jealous, ok.  BIG FAT OLE JEALOUSY is showing its teeth.

Group Sex

hahahahaha, not really,  I was just making sure you were still reading.

Hot Dogs

I'm craving a big ole gas station hot dog, smothered in ketchup and mustard, grilled onions,  and sauerkraut. 

Invalid Words

Words with friends and their stupid, that is not an acceptable word.  Really, who is in charge of your dictionary. 

Just Rewards

Some people are really going to get them.  When the karma bus shows up with me driving.  Yeah, you better beware.

Klutz

That would be me.  I am the biggest klutz butt there is.  I honestly can hear the furniture laughing at me when I trip or fall.  

Laughter

Ok, I have it.  I just haven't been using it much.  Except for when my brother was in the hospital, then I was constantly trying to crack him up.  Do you think that when I die, they would play "Another One Bites The Dust".  It would be A.W.E.S.O.M.E.   Oh, get over yourself, it would be funny.  Admit it.

Matching With Friends

I'm pissed at Zynga right now.  Matching with Friends is by far my favorite game going right now, but they think that only those that have and iPhone, iPad, or iPod, should be able to play it.  They must have been paid rather well to keep it from all my friends (ok, a few of my friends, we already determined I don't have that many) that have androids.  I say, revolt.  Starting sending emails to Zynga.  I triple dog dare you.  And yes, remember, I am the email queen so I have sent one off to them.

Nurses

Ok, most of them are the best thing ever.  But I have to bring up the nurse that my daughter-in-law had the day she was induced.  She almost got body slammed against the wall by me.  She was in no hurry to boost up the pitocin.  She outright told my daughter-in-law that labor doesn't start until you would come to the hospital with the pain.  Oh really, that drug is putting you in pain.  I've had it.  I know.  Reminded me of the nurse I had when I had back surgery who decided to walk clear around my bed, and clear back with the throw up catcher when I said I was going to barf.  Should have just barfed all over her.  

Oranges

They have to be sweet.  Nuff said

Pleasing Others

I'm the type of person that feels like they have to always please other people.  Most the time this is good.  But sometimes it is just wrong.  Sometimes I really want to say things on my blog that I don't because I don't want to offend anyone.  This is going to change.  I'm going to say what I want to say, and use the words I want to use.  I won't go over the top, but I'm just warning you.

Quaker Oatmeal

I love the peaches and cream instant oatmeal.  Just add some coffee creamer to it and voila, a real treat.  Plus super easy to make if you have a Keurig.  Just don't put in a K-cup, and let the boiling water rip.  You're welcome.

Rotten Attitudes

Do not, I repeat, do not, bring your rotten attitude to the grocery store with you.  We all have the right to be buying groceries.  I get tired of negativity all the time.  Stay away.  I will take a picture of you with my camera for all the world to see.  Be scared.  Be very scared.

Swearing

I swear.  I can keep up with the best of the best.  I am worse than you have ever read on here.  I'm still a good person.  

Telemarketers

Leave me alone.  Don't even pretend to be reading my blog and wanting me to buy something from you.   You are banished forever!!!!

Underwear

I put on my big girl panties today, gave myself a good wedgie, and told myself to get over it.  Somehow, somewhere, when I least expect it, someone will just jump out and say, YOU'RE HIRED.

Victory

And when I do get that job, victory will be mine.  And also my future employers.  Who will love me.  And wonder what they ever did without me.  

Weight

I'm still trying to lose, but I'm not going to give up the sweet stuff.  If you don't want to like me because I don't look like some skinny actress, too bad.  You are the loser.

X-Rays

Did you see Christopher on Project Runway who used his mom's x-ray for his material.  I thought that rocked.  Also, I so didn't want Demitri to win.  

Yell

I'm sure when I get a new job, you will hear me yelling.  Yes no matter how far you live from me.  You will know

Zumba

I think if I would ever try this the class would be laughing hysterically at me.   Besides, every time I try to do something crazy like that, I'm asked to please stop.  It apparently hurts peoples eyes.  As if.....

You know, this has been a great thing for me to do.  Wait, are you still reading?  Gluttons for punishment, I can tell.  

I Have A Confession....

Well, ummm, **clearing throat**, yeah, it's kind of like this.

I am one of the writers on this blog

Go check it out.  On the right hand side of the page, you will see a section called
OUR STORY IN ORDER

You really need to start at the beginning of the story, think of it like one of your favorite books.

Click on this little lady over there on the right and it will take you to the adventure.

Inspirations And Confessions

Have you ever not had enough faith in yourself to do something?  I have that problem all the time.   There are many of you that inspire the crap out of me.  Today I'm going to give a big shout out to two of you.  (Don't worry, you too might find yourself getting this award in the near future)

I'm sure that you have noticed that I sign up on Thursdays and Saturdays for writing meme's sponsored by Jenny Matlock.  The only reason I have been brave enough to do that is because of 

June Freaking Cleaver at The Ratio of Failures

She did Saturday Centus way before me.  I was always amazed with her writing.  I would comment and she was always pushing telling me that I could do it.  To give it a try.  I am so glad that she had faith in me to do it.  I truly feel like I have found something in me that I didn't know was there.  

The next inspirational blogger is Christy at

Every Sunday I would go to her blog and see the beautiful photo's that she took.  Again, I would comment on how awesome they were, and she started pushing telling me that I could do it too.  So I asked Mr. Dazee for a camera for my birthday, and my passion for photography was born.  Without her prompting me, I know I never would have thought I could do it.  
Check these 2 ladies out.  They are amazing.

I confess that I almost drove over the top of this car on my way to work today.

Why you ask?  Because Mr. I'm On The Freeway But I'm Going Way Below The Speed Limit So Screw You, was in front of me.  It wasn't until he noticed I pulled out my phone and shot his picture (yes he was that close) that he SPED off.  

I confess that my friend Machaelle and I are going see Josh Groban this weekend.

And guess what?  We are as giddy as young school girls.  This guy sings directly to me.  Yes he does, don't be non-believers.  I might have to slug Machaelle if she tries to get his attention away from me.  And stop rolling your eyes.  I can see some of you giving me the "why in the heck are you going to HIS concert" look.  Because, I already told you, he sings TO ME.  Ok?  Ok!!!

I Confess

You know, when you see something on other peoples blogs, and then you want to do it but for the life of you you can't find ONE blog that has it on, but you know you need to give the credit to someone, and by damn you just read them yesterday and your brain is failing you.  Yeah, that's how I feel right now.

Ok, freak I found one.  And it's on one of my favorite blogs.  It's Just Me, Drazil & Sheniqua.  Never give up looking, that's my mantra.

Not to mention I have a cute little "I Confess" picture that Blogger IS NOT letting me load right now.  Breathing, Breathing.

(update:  it finally let me upload it, thanks blogger)

Here goes:

I Confess that I'm totally in love with the new Strawberry/Colada Frutista Freeze from Taco Bell.  

I Confess that I giggle/snorted this morning at Walmart when a dude in his pickup truck totally smacked into the 3 foot barrier in his parking spot thinking he could just pull forward instead of backing out.  

I Confess that I really don't understand some people's status's on Facebook.  If you can't say what you really mean to say, don't say anything at all.   If you put metaphors or song titles, add an additional comment saying what is really going on in that head of yours, for us normal people out there.  

I Confess that I will take a lot of crap from people, but if they go that one step too far, it will take them a long time to win back my friendship.  (if ever)

I Confess that I didn't go to my family reunion because there was one person that wasn't going to be there and then decided to go.  And if you don't understand why, read the above confession.  In my defense, it was better for me not to go so everyone else could have a good time, instead of fists being thrown.  (yeah, mine, I know, it's hard to believe but don't mess with this mama bear)

I Confess that this is kind of liberating.  You should try it.