WELCOME TO MEDICAL SCHOOL

In my next life, I’m going to be that person that makes up medical words. Honestly, I’ve had too many procedures and problems that I have to look up the meanings for such things. Case in point....bloody nose, aka nosebleed. What is the medical word. EPISTAXIS. (I’m awesome, I’m going to call it Epistaxis to show my brilliance.) Why do I bring up medical words.  Oh just wait.

On November 13, 2019, six weeks after my last round of chemo, I had an appointment at the cancer clinic. It was determined that I had to get another Neulasta shot. All my labs were super low.  

If you remember, they would give me this shot 24 hours after chemo to help boost the cells in my body. According to the doctor I was suffering from persistent cytopenias. What does this word mean? 

Cytopenia occurs when one or more of your blood cell types is lower than it should be. Your blood consists of three main parts. Red blood cells carry oxygen and nutrients around your body. White blood cells fight infection and battle unhealthy bacteria. 

This chart shows how fast the neulasta shot brings up the production of cells. 

They also decided I needed another bone marrow biopsy. Oh joyous rapture!!  I enjoyed the first one so much. On October 22nd I got that fun and exciting procedure. Let’s remind ourselves how much fun they are. 

I remember walking out of that biopsy to a completely dark hospital. What the? They had lost their power. Thank goodness procedure rooms have generators. I didn’t want to have to get another one.  The power came back on, which was good because I had to go right up to the cancer clinic. There was no way I could walk up 7 flights of stairs. Maybe two steps but not anymore than that. 

Once there, they decided I needed yet another neulasta shot. Rats!!!!  Too many pokes in one day for this girl. 

My liver Doc, we’ll call him Dr. Aussie, because he’s from Australia and that accent is my favorite accent ever, but don’t tell him that, he might get a big head. Anywho, on September 26th they had their little conference where the doctors and surgeons, our transplant coordinators (hey girl, yup she reads my blog), the cleaning crew and the maintenance people, get together in the conference room to discuss all their patients.  Ok kidding on the cleaning and maintenance crews, but you know, just seems like everyone knows your business. On that day they discussed the MRCP that was ordered. What is a MRCP?

MAGNETIC RESONANCE CLOLANGIOPANCREATOGRAPHY uses powerful magnetic field radio waves and a computer to evaluate the liver, gallbladder, bile ducts, pancreas and pancreatic duct for disease. 

See that long, hard to say medical word????  24 freaking letters in that word!  Aren’t you glad we didn’t have that on our spelling and vocabulary word lists in elementary school??

At their little meeting it was discussed that there was a high risk of a bile duct obstruction. Dr. Aussie pointed out that there was a narrowing in the common bile duct and recommended an ERCP for a stent placement. Oh goodness gracious. Why so many procedures. Brent has some ideas why but we will leave that for a different post. 

Get ready for your next spelling and vocabulary word. 

ERCP. 

ENDOSCOPIC RETROGRADE CLOLANGIOPANCREATOGRAPHY is a procedure used to diagnose diseases of the gallbladder, biliary system, pancreas and liver. The test looks “upstream” where digestive fluid comes from - - the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas - - to where it enters the intestines. 

In this 23 letter procedure they stick the endoscopy camera down your esophagus. It was done on December 12, 2019. Merry Christmas to me. 

Get ready to see the actual inside of my esophagus. 

They go in with the camera to find your problem duct. 

Isn’t it pretty? At least it’s not colonoscopy photos. You’re welcome. 

They then put a stent down in your problem duct and balloon it out. They leave it in there to stretch that sucker to a bigger size. They will leave the stent in for three months to see what it does. 

Big, long, hard to say needless words to describe medical terms. I can see them now, laughing hysterically while coming up with them. 

Meanwhile I can’t wait till 2019 is over. 2020 is going to be soooo much better. 

Famous last words.