Hello....Hello.....Are You Still With Me?

**stepping up to microphone**

"Hello.  My name is Dazee and it has been weeks and weeks since my last post"

It has been a wild ride.  The first part of December I took my mom in for a hip revision surgery that didn't happen because of major infection.  Because of the infection, she was hipless for 4 weeks.  Two weeks ago, she finally got her new hip in.  I have been either at the hospital, or the rehabilitation center with her all this time.

I have learned that me and my mom have a ton in common.  You have to know, I come from a family of 9 kids, so I have always felt lost in the shuffle.  It was a great experience to sit and talk and learn things about her that I never knew.

For instance, out of the blue one day she says, "I wonder what ever happened to my gun".  WTH?  Mom can shoot a gun?  Her and my dad used to go deer hunting?  And they both came back alive?  (they communicate by fighting)

Me and my sister looked at each other and said.  "good thing we didn't know mom could shoot a gun while we were growing up".  

I became a patient advocate.  I stuck up for the rights of my mom and the other patients in the rehab center.   I met some of the most awesome CNA's.   Granted, there was the bad one that I got banned from my mom's care, but the amount of them that came in and said they were going to miss her the day we sprung her from the joint, was overwhelming.  

My mom was raised by her grandparents.  Her own parents had both died by the time she was 7.  The youngest Aunt of hers is only 10 years older than her.  She couldn't understand why her Aunt had not called.  We finally got a call from her daughter telling us that she was in the hospital and was only given about a week to live.  

I checked her out of rehab this past Sunday and took her the 90 miles to where she lives.  We walked into her room, and my mom was overcome by emotion.  My mom does not like people to see her cry.  I watched her cry.  My older sister and I were there and we talked to our Aunt.  Her first words were, "I want to die, but I am so scared".  Here is one of the strongest women I know, telling me she is scared.  She was in pain.  I caressed her shoulders, forehead, face, arms.  She said it felt so good.  I promised her that dying wouldn't be painful.  

It was one of the most special times I have had in my whole life.  I have never been around anyone that has passed while I was with them, and I truly felt that if she had gone at that moment it would have been an experience I would always cherish.  

I made her promise me that when she passed, she would come and tell me.  She got the biggest grin on her face and said that she would.  As of yet, I haven't received a visit, but then, she hasn't passed on yet.  

My grandfather came to me the night he died.  Told me he was going home.  When I woke up the next morning, Mr. Dazee told me that he had died during the night.  I already knew.  

Have you ever had an experience like that?

Are you a believer?