Sunday, September 26, 2010

Drivers Ed 101

I'm starting a new feature here in Dazee Land.  Because I am never at a loss for bad driving examples, we will be having Drivers Ed classes.  Don't worry, there will be no tests in this class.  Just handy information.

This fine outstanding citizen, is traveling 10 miles below the speed limit.  My dear students, when on the freeway, please drive at least at the posted speed limit.   If you have to keep calling all your fans while driving, first of all, you need to get a freaking life, and second, you are not so awesome when you are looking in your phonebook for a number.  Hand on phone, foot off gas pedal.  See the correlation.  It's not right.  Oh, and what the hell is up with you people that are in the drivers seat, but are leaning so far into the middle of the seat, that you look like an idiot?  Get out of my way, I have places to go and people to see. 

This guy pissed me off in so many different ways.  First of all, I had to catch up to the asswipe to take his picture.  This idiot is your classic, "I'm in the go straight lane, but wait, yeah, you in your nice car, wait, I'm going to turn right instead.  Get out of my way".  Yeah, hope you are watching at all times.  This dude probably doesn't have insurance and will run into you.  We had a girl do this exact thing to us one year when my kids were little and we had just bought our christmas tree.  Crash, oh man, "it's my aunts car, but she will pay for it".  Uh huh, and then I woke up.  Her name was Lua.  So, as of this moment class, if you ever run into this driver, you will say to yourself, It's a Lua Moment.  Practice it, alot, so it will just roll off your tongue when it happens to you.  I will also be using Lua moments in future classes.
Class is now dismissed.  Remember the things we learned today.  Do not lean to the middle of your car, you look stupid.  Lua (pronounced Lou-aa) moments, have your boxing gloves ready. 

Until next class