Friday, November 16, 2012

A Very Serious Post..........Snicker........Snort

You know.....It's kind of scary when my brain gets thinking.  At least, that's what my family tells me.  

When God or The Big Bang happened (covering both of sides here) and the earth and humans were created, I can tell there was a man involved.  Lets go over a few things that will happen when I wave my magic wand and create the best world EVER!!

One day total max.  No pain, maybe just push it out all at once like pooping.  Yeah, that's a great idea.  All in favor????

Done Having Babies.....No More Periods
There will be a special placed switch or button, or heck, brain control, that will tell your body, we are done procreating, I don't need you anymore.   

Women's Facial Hair
Won't be any.  Who in the hell came up with this idea?  Oh, right, a man.  I didn't have any facial hair until I started going through menopause.  (TMI all you men followers) There will be a proclamation throughout the inhabitants of the human species, no female facial hair.  There is no reason for this.  Unless as a woman, you like facial hair, then there will be pills made to help you.  

Flies, Spiders and All Creepy Crawlers Not Allowed In Houses
It will be in their DNA coding that if they happen to be born in a house, as in like dead bodies grow them, they will make a mass exodus to the outside.  It will be inbred in them, like the salmons heading back to their birth place.  

Messages on Foreheads
When ever you are talking to people, messages will show up on their foreheads.  Why you ask?   Because, they will lie to you, they will brown nose you, they will cheat you.  I think when they are talking to you, and are going to go tell, lets say your former boss, something like, she hates her job, all of the sudden the message will appear on their head, WILL TELL BOSS ANYTHING YOU SAY.  I think I might have finally figured out who the person was that tells the former boss everything.  So remember Dale asswipe, karma is a bitch, and I will be driving the bus.

If you have any great suggestions for my human race, let me know.

Ok, I must be off, I've got some people to go see.    mwaaaahaaaahaaaa


  1. All excellent ideas.

    I've got one...How about spell check on blog comments.

    Is excellent one or two "l's?"
    Not as good as no periods or messages on foreheads but still...

  2. how about mandatory school for 6 days and 12 hours daily? Bad for kids, but great for moms.

    Or men must automatically walk in the door and say "Sorry for all future mistakes this day and evening."

    Or kids who must not talk for one full hour if they get on moms nerves. (my kids would be quiet constantly)

    Or mandatory wine delivery to moms each day after school.

    I could go on....

  3. God created humans. I myself have a whole list of questions for God when I get there. Seems I have to wait in line behind my former Pastor. And thanks for talking about the facial hair. My eyes are too bad to see the ones on my neck so you can imagine how "fun it is to try to pluck them. Plus.....I thought that only happened to a very few group of women.

  4. We get facial hair because we have balls bigger then most men we just pack them higher and use them for something like oh sayy life giving nourishment instead of penis props.. ahem moving on..

  5. i have facial hair thanks to my 1/4 Italian genes. Such a bitch. I pay someone to rid my mustache. It's not a sexy look.

  6. You are most wise Miss Dazee. I am in awe.

  7. I love this list and I could totally use the period for just one day and the messages on foreheads!!!

  8. Men should have something in their brain that tells them not to argue with women - it's counterproductive because they can't win.

    They're such simple creatures.

  9. LOL.... all for getting rid of periods! Love that Karma bus!

  10. Oh yes, I'm all for getting rid of periods and creepy, crawly things. Yes please!!