What The Frack, You Weirdo

The following is an award, that I am going to hand out to a weirdo man that came to my door the other day.  
You see, it started like this.  I'm sitting in my office, minding my own business, reading a book, when the doorbell rings.  
I have been expecting Book Three of the Harry Potter series that my daughter ordered. I didn't hurry out of my chair, well, because if you know your local UPS person, by the time you get to the door, they have scampered to their truck and are usually hitting their next stop.  
After leaving the package where my daughter can get it, I mosey back to my chair and book and I'm just getting comfy, when my doorbell rings again.  What The?  Did something else get ordered that the UPS guy forgot to leave?  I get back up, head to the door, and SOMEONE is pushing the doorbell, like "ANSWER THE DOOR NOW!!!!!"
I open the door to a man, who is somewhat out of breath.  This is our conversation.  No folks, I couldn't make this up.
Dude:  Did someone just drop something off at your door?Dazee:  Yes, it was from UPS.Dude:  Are you sure?Dazee: ummm, yeah, it was a UPS box addressed to me Dude:  well, I had some stuff stolen out of my garage a few days ago and I saw this van, so I've been following it.  It keeps making stops at different houses.Dazee:  Oh............*crickets*
Sidebar:  Last time I checked our UPS truck didn't look like this
I know for a fact that the UPS truck that comes to our house looks like this.  Even with the sexy outfit on the guy, minus the beer gut.
Dude:  Well, I followed him here so I was checking to see if he is just leaving random stuff at doors.  Dazee:  What the hell are you fracken on dude?    Wait, didn't say that, was thinking that.Dude:  Well if you are sure it was from UPS.Dazee:  Yup, it was
I'm pretty sure I looked like this.
This is why I seldom answer my door, unless I know someone is coming to visit.  That and, you never know if a serial killer is at your door.  What?  I said I was reading a book.