Friday, April 6, 2012

What The Frack, You Weirdo

The following is an award, that I am going to hand out to a weirdo man that came to my door the other day.  

You see, it started like this.  I'm sitting in my office, minding my own business, reading a book, when the doorbell rings.  

I have been expecting Book Three of the Harry Potter series that my daughter ordered. I didn't hurry out of my chair, well, because if you know your local UPS person, by the time you get to the door, they have scampered to their truck and are usually hitting their next stop.  

After leaving the package where my daughter can get it, I mosey back to my chair and book and I'm just getting comfy, when my doorbell rings again.  What The?  Did something else get ordered that the UPS guy forgot to leave?  I get back up, head to the door, and SOMEONE is pushing the doorbell, like "ANSWER THE DOOR NOW!!!!!"

I open the door to a man, who is somewhat out of breath.  This is our conversation.  No folks, I couldn't make this up.

Dude:  Did someone just drop something off at your door?
Dazee:  Yes, it was from UPS.
Dude:  Are you sure?
Dazee: ummm, yeah, it was a UPS box addressed to me 
Dude:  well, I had some stuff stolen out of my garage a few days ago and I saw this van, so I've been following it.  It keeps making stops at different houses.
Dazee:  Oh............*crickets*

Sidebar:  Last time I checked our UPS truck didn't look like this

I know for a fact that the UPS truck that comes to our house looks like this.  Even with the sexy outfit on the guy, minus the beer gut.

Dude:  Well, I followed him here so I was checking to see if he is just leaving random stuff at doors.  
Dazee:  What the hell are you fracken on dude?    Wait, didn't say that, was thinking that.
Dude:  Well if you are sure it was from UPS.
Dazee:  Yup, it was

I'm pretty sure I looked like this.

This is why I seldom answer my door, unless I know someone is coming to visit.  That and, you never know if a serial killer is at your door.  What?  I said I was reading a book.  


  1. HUH? What the frack was the guy smokin that day? This would be frackin hillarious if it wasn't so assinine...or howeveryaspellthatword. And you're right, never answer the door without your baseball bat within arms reach...mwahaha! See ya in the morning:)

  2. What's with all the spaces up there? Frack!

  3. That has got to be the craziest thing I've ever heard!

  4. This is why I live high on a mountain top where only the real UPS guy is brave enough to venture. And I have no doorbell, only a Chihuahua. ;)

  5. Came on over from Jake's.......I think the whole world has gone "bananas".
    I know my UPS guy by name "Antoine" he is a doll....and he calls me
    "love" great is that. I always answer the door when I see his truck.



  6. Hahahaha of course he's following the truck ahahaha

  7. Wow.. I am speechless. People are just weird. I would have just shut the door in his face.

  8. I never answer my door. Never and I live in a nice quiet hub of Canada

  9. Wait so the stuff was stolen from his garage a FEW DAYS ago and he suddenly up and decided TODAY I am gonna stalk the UPS man?? In his defense we do have the trucks like you show but also have the vans but they are CLEARLY marked UPS all OVER them. Which would leave one to think that MAYBE just MAYBE they are UPS. I mean WTH?? I think I would have called the law and turned him in.. that is just creepy. I mean who knows he could have been doing it to see if you had anything worth stealing or if anyone was home to pick up the package.. ya never know

  10. Oh my gosh....that is so weird!!!!! I agree, answering the door is overrated.

  11. Hmmm. Very odd behavior, that's for sure!

  12. Peeps don't stay on my porch too long after they knock on the door and hear 7 dogs barking!

    Hope your day is wonderful!!!

    (and no opening doors)