Friday, June 15, 2012

I Think I Have A Frack In My Brain




It's Friday, which means it's time once again for me to get my frack on.  This week is about my brain.  Yeah, that wonderful piece of goo that controls every thing we do.  I don't know about you, but I sometimes think my brain is playing games with me.  Hey, stop laughing.  It's true.

This is my brain

Just doing a little cleanup in there.  Trying to find the trouble spots.

Dear Dreaming Brain
What the frack?  I am working at the White House.  Apparently, I'm working with the Spy Unit.  (now, I didn't dream I was Angelina, or that Brad was my husband, but ummm, yeah, that would have been sweet).  Anyyummylater, we were all in the spy room, watching our monitors, when one of our co-workers, who was from the country we were watching, and was a spy for us, says, "they are getting ready to go to war with the US".  I all of the sudden get so upset.  I leave the room and go look for the President.  I find him in his room, getting into his fatigues and he looks very somber and tells me that he is being taken to one of the bunkers.  Now, here is the weird thing.  I'm like the Monica Lewinsky of the group.  I'm in love with the President.  He takes me in his arms, and kisses me and tells me he will call me when he knows he is safe.  Then he gives me the number to his super secret cell phone number.  But it isn't made of numbers, it's made with letters of the alphabet.  Color me impressed that the President got a cell phone number with alphabetic letters.  
(oh, and no comments on how you hate our current President.  If you could do the job better, you run for office.)

Dear Brain While At Walmart

Yesterday, while my daughter was at school, I took her kids to help them pick out birthday presents for her, since it was her birthday.   We did all our shopping, stopped at the little rip-you-off kiosk they have by the doors, and Miss L had her own money so she wanted to stop and try for a Webkinz.  I'm thinking, it's only 50 cents, and its her money so go for it.  OMG guys, she got the cutest pug webkinz on her first try.  So she tried for another, since she put a dollar in and lo-and-behold, grabbed a little pink webkinz purse, that had a pair of 4th of July star sunglasses that were stuck on it, grabbed it just right and won those too.  She gave those to Miss A.  She gave her brother Mr C a dollar and he tried for a webkinz.  Three tries later, he won a red eyed frog.  You have to know, webkinz are not cheap.  But to get all 4 of those items for 4 dollars was awesome.  There was a group of people watching and cheering by the time we were done.  The people who stock them  also put the most expensive prizes  in there, where they are the hardest to get.  Guess whose taking Miss L to Vegas when she turns 21.  Yeah, this grammie

Anyluckylater, my brain.  
After all the excitement, we walk outside to the parking lot.
We head to my car, which is parked in handicap, because of my neuropathy.  
We get to my car, I'm pushing the unlock button, nothing is happening.  I push it again.  Oh man, do I have to do the manual open with a key thing.  The travesty.  I'm thinking, why did the battery have to stop working now that I have my hands full of a ice cream cake.  errrrrrrrr

Try it one more time, start trying to grab my key to unlock, look at the mirror in the car, and oops, no hanging handicap decal.  The kids are looking at me like, "grammie, just unlock the doors already".  I tell them, hey, this isn't grammies car.  We look over to the next row of cars, and there is mine.  They are looking at me like my brain has stopped working.  Hey, they thought it was my car too.  

Now, I've heard about people trying to get in the wrong car, thinking it was theirs.  But what are the odds of us being parked so close together in handicap.  And, what if, by the luck of the draw, my keys would have opened that door.  Would we have just jumped in, started the car and gone.  I think where my fracking brain was at the time, it might have been a yes.

See, I told you there's a frack in my brain.

8 comments:

  1. If nothing else.....You'd be a hell-a good friend to shop with. Fun!

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  2. bwhahaha did you ever see the news report about the granny who came out to her car in a mall parking lot and saw 3 teen boys in it so she pulled a gun on them and made them get out. They scramble out and she climbs in and pulls off, when leaving she sees something on the rearview and says hey where did that come from. Looks over the rest of the car to realize nothing in it is hers. She drives to the police station to tell them she had pulled a gun on these kids thinking it was her car and it wasn't. Gets in there telling a sergeant about it and he points to the end where the boys are telling them about a granny car jacking them with a gun. Needless to say they all have a good laugh..

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  3. That dream is hilarious! And the car? About 15 years ago a friend of mine went to her car got in started it and drove 40 miles home. When she started to unload the car she realized it wasnt her car. Believe it or not her and another person had purchased identicall cars and they had been keyed alike. This happened to be in a small town in Wyoming. They lived about 100 miles apart.

    It wouldnt surprise me if your key had worked.

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  4. Awesome on scoring all the webkinz! My kids love those and they ARE expensive. My kids like the online part more than the actual dolls, but of course you can't get the online character without buying the doll. I wish I thought that one up. I hope your daughter had a wonderful birthday party!

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  5. You are so funny Miss Dazee- and so young. Enjoy your brain while you still can. When you get to be my age you have to be careful when you go up there that you don't fall through the holes.

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  6. Damn I love you girl. Your comment on my blog made me laugh out loud. Almost spit out my lemonade!

    I always want you to be on my team!

    Got a hold of the doctor. that will be tomorrows report...

    Mucho thanks you sassy dame you!

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  7. I never won anything from those machines. Miss L is one lucky girl!!

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