Friday, August 3, 2012

Fracken Fly vs Dazee

Today, I am going to rant about, *bam, pow, hey what you doing, what's this bag you are putting over my head, ajeorhdjda adhjkd;ladjd *
Silence
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hi, Buzzard the Fly here.  Apparently Dazee was going to tell you all about how fracken rotten I am.  I have taken care of that problem.  I'm going to tell you what a problem she is to me.

Day One
I became an adult today.  I found that my breeding ground was a very nice backyard.  My humble beginnings started in some deer poop, left on the grass.  aaaahhhh, freedom to fly.

Day Two
Just got back from a meeting of the flies.  They tell me I must travel 6 miles a day, but usually my com padres like to stay close to home.  We were also told that we can expect our life spans to be from 15 to 30 days.  I'm going for the gold.

Day Three
Me and my brother have been flying around the outside of this building.  Wait, the door is open.  We flew in.  Very nice.  But we have a group meeting tonight so I decide we better leave.  OH NO.......what is this glass apparatus.  I......can't........get........out......

Day Four
There is a human.  We were warned about them.  Aaahhhh, she is sleeping.  Kamikaze attack of her head.  Stupid girl, didn't even notice.  She is moving.  Attack, attack.  She thinks if she swishes her hands to attack me I will stay away.  What a fracken dummy.

Day Five
What is that smell.  It smells like food.  Ick.  Sure doesn't smell like home.  Dazee is trying to eat it.  Fly bomb to the scene.  I haven't seen my brother around for a while.  I wonder where he is.  There she goes, trying to swish me away again.  Will she never learn.

Day Six
I'm in my prime of life.  It is good.  I have thoroughly aggravated Dazee.  She is going into some type of room where there is an apparatus that has water in it.  A swimming pool!!!  Inside the house.  Wait.......what the hell........she is sitting on it.  Dive, dive, dive.  Oh I made her mad.  But ahhhh, it smells like home.

Day Seven
Just found my brother.  We are in a place called the kitchen.  There is a male human in here with Dazee.  Wait........what is that in his hand.  O.......M........G......., it's that apparatus they told us to be watchful for.  Fly Bernard, fly for your.........life.......NOOOOOOO, he didn't make it........... wait, I see a dark black surface.  I think they call it a stove top.  I am going to land here and wait out the storm.   That monster will never see me..........WAIT.........NOOOOOOOO

Note To Self.  Must get a fly swatter for every room of the house

11 comments:

  1. I haven't seen a fly here all season, now watch me go home and be pelted by the nasty little things!

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  2. We have a bug gun. It gives out a small electric shock. It's my favourite tool in the house. :D

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  3. Haha. That was hilarious. I HATE FLIES!! They are evil, to be sure.

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  4. They are rampant at work. Drives me batty. Of course with 2 restaurants, showers, yeah we have a given abundance of them.. I love the way you did this.. too funny.

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  5. http://singedwingangelspad.com/wtf-friday-3rd-shift-from-hades/

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  6. He had it coming, bothering you like that.

    A few weeks ago, our trash cans were teeming with maggots on trash day - I'm confident that we increased the fly population with great success. I wonder how far they can fly?

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  8. Hahaha! I love it! You're a riot. I'd love you see your takw Widgies (little tiny black beetles that look like slivers of paper).
    Ah your link up thing isn't there.... oh well.

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  9. You and Maddy would have lots to talk about. She isn't too keen on flies either.

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  10. Seriously? You have an indoor pool?

    May I come up and rent a spot in it til October?

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