Thursday, February 2, 2012

What The Frack - 2/3/12

I am so ready to let it all hang out.  Join in the fun.  Grab the little button over there----->
I promise, you will feel so much better. 

Dear Planners of Road Construction

OMG, you are fracking driving me to drink.  You shut the road down to widen it.  You open it up.  Joy and rapture are shared by all, having to deal with this for the last year.  But wait, lets close the road down again to do the manholes.  One week later, we are open again.  But no, now lets close it down yet again to put in the above photo of pipe, which I think it for utilities or something.  Not to mention, when you widened the road, you put down nice, new, never been driven on asphalt.  Lets dig more holes.  We'll just cover it up with more asphalt.  
You don't see the home builders finishing up the outside, letting the people move in, only to move them out again when it is convenient for them to come in and do the inside, moving them out yet again while they put all the cabinets and finish stuff in.  No Sir Ree.  Become more like them.  Keep the damn road closed for a month longer to get the WHOLE JOB DONE!!!!  
*channeling my chi*

Dear Plastic Wrap 
I really fracken hate you.  You come out of the box, oh so nicely.  Then becomes the battle from hell.  By the time I get it massacred   torn from the box, it is in no means ready to just cover anything.  Oh no.  We have now stuck together in all imaginable ways.  We are munched, we are will no longer able to pull the edges off of each other. 
 I have an idea.  Instead of having some dinosaur thing that you are supposed to be able to tear across, why not make a little slicer thing like the paper cutters have.  Slice and go.  Until you do, I will be one of your worst enemies.

Dear Aisle Hogger Dude At Cafe Rio 
(yes, this is an original Dazee Dreamer Rendition)
When I walked into the door last week to pick up some yummy sweet pork salads, there you were.  Right in front of the door, scooted out to almost touching the guy in the chair behind you.  No, you were not overweight, you were just a fracken creep.  You didn't even have enough decency to move in closer to the table as I was trying to get my fat body through the small space you had left for people.  I'm glad my belly touched your back.  I hope it made your day.  You are just fracken lucky I didn't pull out my camera and snap your photo.  Oh, I was tempted.  I really was.  
May your armpits be infested by 1000 fire ants!!!

Phew, I am feeling so much better.  
Now it's your turn.


  1. We had the same problem last year when they were FINALLY repaving a road that hadn't been worked for years. They got it done, then did the manholes! It must be a rule in all city planning books across the nation.

    Plastic wrap sucks! And your wish to that hogger dude? Frackin' awesome!

  2. Whatthefrack...

    a) think job security (hey, you could stand there and hold a stop/slow sign..and wave your middle finger at everyone!

    b) think tin foil

    c) think of ME next time you go get pork salad!

  3. You are so funny! I love reading these. Ok, Joe's dad always had clear plastic wrap with the little paper cutter blade in California. I haven't seen them here in Washington, but it was WAY better.

  4. So much I would like to put on mine today and can't due to family that reads mine and I am having enough crap with them over the estate. GRRR.. Yeah ok I live in KY but at least once our road was open it has stayed open. Ahem..

  5. Oh my, you have way too much stress. You are going to give you and me, both, heart attacks. I can feel my blood boiling already.
    I think that Aisle Hogger did that just so people would rub up against him. The Perv!

  6. Good God I could go on for days and days on end (especially this week). But, I will try to be a good wife, mother, worker, coworker, hell you name it... and just keep it to myself and cry myself to sleep tonight instead. :0)

    Hope you have a great weekend!

  7. Plastic wrap is a tool of the devil!

  8. We call that cling film and it drives me insane.

    So you still call them "Manholes" in the States? Not very PC at all, mind you I can't remember the pretentious name we use for them here in the UK.

  9. These are the exact same things that drive me insane. And yet we get blamed for road rage. Whatthefrack? Excellent.

  10. You should have gone by aisle hogger dude in the ass-facing direction.

  11. I hate saran wrap too. Mr. Dark Chocolate asked me to wrap myself up in it and knock at his door.

    I am too old for that crap.

    Sheesh, dating a younger man has its challenges!

  12. Road construction and plastic wrap.

    Enough to make this haggard old Grandma want to drink.


    I always want to drink, but I can't.

    So sadly...I just have to remain fracked off!


    Cute post!