Dear Dollar Tree Weird Couple(s)
While attempting to walk up and down the aisles on Thursday at the Dollar Tree you so nicely granted your appearance at, I noticed a few things that I needed to bring to your attention.
First of all. Couple Number 1 (not pictured)
The male persuasion of you both, was tall and dressed oh so debonair, in his dark blue pants and blazer, and his red sweater underneath. I really expected him to pull out his monogrammed hanky and honk his horn. His studying of all the little dollar gadgets was just weird. I think you were a robot. You had no emotion on your face.
You weirded me out.
The female persuasion, well, you were just as weird, when we would try to walk by, that was when you needed to bend down and stick your butt in our way. I think you are spies. You didn't belong in a dollar store. Just sayin.
Couple Number 2 (pictured, well the back of the male because that's the only photo I got)
Who the frack taught you people to shop? Were you raised in a jungle? What? You want evidence of my rant.
Ok, how about when you are down an aisle that has a support beam in the way, I really appreciated how the male left the cart right there so no one could get through. Where did you go? Oh, I don't know, up to look at the drinks. Female cohort was squatting looking through make up brushes like they were going out of style. Did she not see said male leave the scene of the crime. I think not. She asked him a question, he didn't answer, looked around saw he wasn't there and went back to her brushes. Did you mother never tell you that it is nice to move your damn cart so others can get through.
*insert monkey chatter*
Lets move on to another row, shall we. Thanks. Oh, I see your cart is right in the middle of the aisle. Where are you both? Oh, there you are, at the back of the store, in the freezer section, having a discussion of major importance. Why oh why, didn't I just start running like a mad woman, crash my cart into your cart, and go all banshee on you. You aren't the only ones in the store, Tarzan and Jane.
You get to the check out line, right in front of us. I understand that people forget things. Really, I do. But hell, you are in the DOLLAR store. You don't have to keep seeing things that you want. Why must you have kept adding. The cashier is done with you. Waiting for you to pay, there is a line here. Oh wait, Tarzan wants another drink. Jane tells him, it's ok, just go get it, but I guess you will have to stand in line. No shit sherlock.
Made a quick stop at Home Depot.
Greeter at the door
"Hi, can I help you with anything"
First say no, then turn around innocently and say,
"Do you have hand baskets"
Her head starts turning all ways, smoke is coming out of her eyes,
"I do not compute hand baskets you are asking for"
Never mind. Maybe you shouldn't be a greeter.
Couple number one has followed us there.
Going down the same aisles as us.
Spies, I tell ya, spies.