Tuesday, July 26, 2011



Well, hidee-ho neighbor.  Tuesday is once again upon us.  Yippity-Skippity.  That means you get to hear me rant write my Dear Letters, be they good or bad.  Let us begin.

Dear Lady Adjusting Your Breasts In The Grocery Store Parking Lot
FYI, parking areas where men and children are, is not the place to be adjusting the boobage so that the headlights are pointed in the same direction.  Please refrain from doing so.  Also, if your friend is with you, please don't allow her hands to help you adjust.  In other words, get at room.  Thanks

Dear Businesses Whose Invoices Are The Exact Size As Your Envelopes
Please get either smaller invoices, or bigger envelopes.  When opening them with my handy dandy battery operated letter opener, it slices your invoice in half.  Tsk, tsk.  Not a good thing.  If there happens to be a check in there, way not a good thing.  It won't cost you that much more.  Honestly, do the letter openers of the world a break.  We don't like to have to repair YOUR stupidity with our tape.

Dear Speedster Woman In The Dodge Caravan On The Free-In-Way
I'm sorry that your vehicle just isn't as good looking as mine.  I'm sorry that I was ONLY going 5 over the speed limit during semi-rush-hour traffic.  I'm sorry you were trying to get away from my good looking driving machine. But really, you were not doing anyone on the road a service by being a stupid idiot driver.  Weaving in and out of traffic to get around ME, because I was in the fast lane, going as fast as everyone else in the fast lane.  And just because you are driving a minivan doesn't mean the cops will not pull you over because they feel sorry for you.  They will pull you over if you are SPEEDING AND WEAVING.  Get it?  Got it?  Good!!!

Dear Chocolate Mint Bettercreme Cake Slice
I HEART YOU.  No really, I do.  I love your chocolately cake, your mint bettercreme frosting, and the Andes Mint stuck in the top.  I dream of you often.  I have tried to stay away from you, but my dear, it is just unbearable.  I await your next arrival in my grocery cart.

That is it for this week.  You better watch out tho, YOU could become my next Dear letter.  bwaa-haa-haa

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