Friday, July 22, 2011

You Have Got To Be Fracken Kidding Me


Friday, aaahhh, sweet, sweet lover of mine.  Are you ready for my rants, hosted by Christy and Boobies?  I am.  

Frack you
NBA
and NFL 
Golly gee.  I feel so bad that you guys all make millions of dollars, but are locked out of your job.  NOT.  Whatever are you going to do?  I don't feel sorry that you aren't making any money.  You make enough in just one game that I could live off for a long time.  Buck it up, buttercups. You poor babies.  waaaa-waaaaa  

Frack you to the person that made a reservation at the restaurant where we were having a little family aunt and cousins get together.
Yeah, you crazy lady.  (ok, not this lady, but that was kind of the look on the real lady's face).  Word to the wise.  DO NOT MAKE THE RESERVATION IN YOUR MARRIED LAST NAME.  Don't jump down our throats when we say, gosh, we tried ever FAMILY last name we could think of.  Her response, WELL, I MADE THE RESERVATION.  No shit sherlock.  Do I know your married name?  NO.  Don't have a total freakout.  Even tho NOW I will remember your last name.  Why, because whenever I talk to my sister, I'm going to say, Do you have a reservation under the name of (insert name here) :)

Frack you Borden Dairy Products.  
Yes, I've tried your coffee creamer.  Yes, I really enjoy the taste of it.  Or shall I say, the "not taste of oil" of it.  But when you get an email from me asking if there will be new flavors or a larger size soon, DO NOT SEND ME A CANNED RESPONSE.  

Their reply
Thank you for taking the time to contact us regarding our la Crème  Real Dairy creamers. 

Unfortunately, it is up to the stores to carry our products and flavors.  Our distribution model does not give us access at the store level to suggest product placement.  Since this is a relatively new product, there are no current plans for additional flavors; however, I am more than happy to pass your suggestions along to our research and development teams for future consideration.

Again, we appreciate you contacting us.  We hope you continue to enjoy our fine la Crème products.


Yeah, I would love to ENJOY your fine la Creme products.  I would enjoy them more if they came in a Coconut Cream or Carmel Vanilla flavor.  And have you ever tried to email a manager of say, Walmart.  I tried that once about seeing if they could possibly bring in another flavor of a cappuccino.  You know what she wanted?  The freaking bar code number of the item.  What The?  I DON'T HAVE THE FREAKING BAR CODE NUMBER OF IT.  I gave you the exact name, brand, flavor, birth weight, blood type, and stool sample of the item.  But no, "I need the bar code number".  

So my dear Borden Dairy Products, GOOD FRACKEN LUCK EVER getting PRODUCT PLACEMENT of your coffee creamer.  

And......I'm.......Done

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