Wednesday, July 20, 2011

right NEIGHBORLY of you, or NOT

Time for our weekly report to Miss Jenny.    Today's required essay is brought to you by.....
The Letter

Mr. Dazee and I have lived in quite a few places since we've been married.  The first 10 years we rented apartments, moved onto duplexes, and then rented houses.  Finally we were able to buy our first home.  Through those many residences, we had some fine, outstanding NEIGHBORS.  You know, the kind that are "out standing" in their yard.  :)

I don't know if we were just the lucky ones, but we also had some dooseys.  My essay today is on some of the "lesser" neighbors.

NOCTURNAL George:  We lived on the second floor of an apartment building when we were first married.  We had a person that lived above us, whom we lovingly named George.   He was the type of neighbor that just loved to put things in his garbage disposal, oh, about midnight.  One time, his disposal made a god awful sound, and we awoke to water, leaking into our apartment from above.   According to the fix-it dudes, he was putting his orange peels down the disposal.  Now remember kids, this was 32 years ago.  Disposals weren't as good as they are now.    

NOCTURNAL George the 2nd:   How we lucked out with 2 of these dudes is beyond me.   This was in a 4-plex and we were on the bottom.  (cheaper rent, give us young un's a break).   Georgy had a fetish for vacuuming his floor at 2 to 3 in the morning.  mmmwaaarrrr-mmmwwaaaarrr.  (that would be the sound of the vacuum going over the heat vents)   If I had been back then, the way I am now, he would have had me standing outside his door, ready to punch him in the nose.  We had a 6 month old baby, by damn.  

NYMPHO NELLY:  This was a duplex we lived in.  Shared bedroom walls.  Nuff said.

NAUGHTY Drug Dealers:  Another duplex.  At least this time there were no shared bedroom walls.  These were the guys that had "customers" showing up to our side of the duplex, at all hours of the night.  And "customers" could have been anyone from someone needing to buy, or their prostitute friends.  Oh yeah, that was a good night when the ladies showed up on our side.  Oh, and they loved to pee off their balcony.  Good times.

NAPOLEON JohnnyD:   Oh, sweet, lovable, JohnnyD.   Mr., I don't care how long you have lived here.  I'm moving in with all my construction vehicles with me.  I will park them wherever I want to.  Its wintertime.  Too bad, I'm parking these bad boys on the street.  I don't care if it's against the law.  I am the law.  The snowplow can just go around me.   

NIPPING Neighbors:  These were the neighbors that lived a few houses down and sometimes you would take your life into your hands if you happened to be walking by, on their side of the street, at the wrong time.  To say that they yelled loudly at one another, is putting it mildly.  Sometimes you would see him running out of the house.  I think she had the upper hand in the relationship.

NOSEY Tiny Tim:  This was the neighborhood rat.  He would shoot batteries at our satellite dish.  He had a tree house.  He was, oh, about 16.  If we were outside, he would sneak into his clubhouse and spy on us.  He was always being a jerk.  I'm pretty sure he's living in the big house now.  

NOBLE Highness:  This neighbor was the kind that was your friend, even tho you didn't belong to his religion, UNTIL, he became high in his church.  Then he didn't like you much.  Didn't want to be seen with the peasants.  Too bad, his loss.

NO-Count NOSEDRIP:   Yes, we refer to this neighbor as Nosedrip.  He was the kind that wanted to live in a nice neighborhood, but didn't want to conform to the CC&R's.  We were supposed to have our landscaping in, very fast.  I can't remember how long, but it seems like 3 months.  Nosedrip, decided he was above it all and was there 6 years before we moved and still hadn't put his in.  Call me old-fashioned, but if you have small kids, which he had a definite litter of them, wouldn't you put at least grass in so they could play outside.  Just wondering.

This is only a smathering of some of our neighbors.  We have had some awesome neighbors too.  

Until next week.  

Class dismissed.

Jenny Matlock

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