Shhh, don't tell anyone. I ran 2 red lights on my way home from work. First after just leaving work. Waited, waited, waited for the light to turn green. Finally did. Was 2 cars behind a cement truck. Cement truck started going, and then swish, a little red truck ran the red light. Good thing the cement truck driver was on the ball, or else, dun-dun-dun, little red truck would have been a goner. We finally get going and the light turns yellow. Now because cement trucks can't get from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds, the light turned red before I got to it. Damn, I wasn't waiting, ran it. The second one was when I was turning off the expressway to the road that I always exhale in delight that means I'm almost home. Stupid driver about 5 cars in front of me, wasn't paying attention. so about 6 car lengths later, "oh, oops, I should go". Yeah, that's right buddy. It's not going to get any greener, even if you water and fertilize it!!!! Just as I was getting to the turn, it turned red. Yup, I did it again. (insert Brittney singing, oops I did it again).
But that was just the end of my glorious day. One of the guys, we will just call him dumbass, comes into my office to talk to me about doing an UPS label. First of all, he doesn't have the name of the company that said package is going to. I nicely tell him, you need the name of the company. "Oh, you do" replies dumbass. Yes, because UPS needs to know the name of the company/person it is going to. While he is standing there, my favorite pass time, Mr. Phone (Mr. cuz they piss me off), rings. One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy. Oh goodie, it's one of my favorite types of calls. "This is so-and-so, I missed a call from this number". I roll my eyes, and page, "whoever call so-and-so, he's on line 1". Dumbass actually says, "I don't think it was me". You don't think? that's the problem, you don't think. Say it with me, DUMBASS.
Now we are going to move on to the "fart zone". You are sitting in your office, minding your own business, when, out in yonder office area, you hear the sweet (or smelly) sound of a fart. Most the time, you don't hear an excuse me. One of the guys farted so loud, and then tried to blame it on someone else. He says to me, "Dazee, you believe I didn't do it, right". Wrong song bucko. I know you did it. Then "I know where the bodies are buried" guy farts, loudly, two times in a row. At least we got an apology out of the second fart. Men, if they aren't farting, they are shooting snot rockets.
Good thing I have my clean linen air freshner.