Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Dear....... 2.8.11

Disclaimer.  If you are grossed out by bodily functions, do not read.  If you do, you have been warned.

Dear Letters.  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.  I love that I can purge my mind of useless mind boggling things that keep me awake at night.  I love that I get so many followers that link up and do their own Dear Letters.  (excuse me a minute while I giggle and snort over that one) But most of all, I love that your eyes are getting tired.  You are watching the watch go back and forth, back and forth.  You will go over to the sidebar and grab the Dear..... code.  You will head back to your blog, as if in a dream, and do your own Dear..... letters.  You will then come back and link them up.  This will happen when you hear my voice counting down.......
Dear Hubby.  I love you.  I am so sorry that I had a runny nose Sunday morning while we were getting our breakfast ready.  What I'm really sorry for is the boogie that decided to hang on to my nose for dear life, that I had no idea about.  Why do I love you?  Because you calmly grabbed a Kleenex and wiped it off.  I would have started gagging and grabbed you a Kleenex and told you to wipe your nose.  You rock, my dear man.  R.O.C.K.
Speaking of noses
Dear Guy Picking Your Nose In Your Car On The Freeway.  You were in the fast lane (going slow).  I was in the middle lane.  Going the speed limit.  Ok, 5 over but whatever.  Why were you going slow.  Because you were digging for gold mister.  Freak, refer to above letter.  Gag, yuck, pukey.  I know that we have all read the "they can't see me in my car" rulebook, but dude, seriously.  Grab a kleenix and blow. 
Dear Mechanic at the Hyundai Service Department.  No, not the service manager that we discussed on Frack you friday.  I understand that you love to get all greasy and crap, because if you didn't you wouldn't have that job.  But when you "break" something while fixing something else, it's wise to REPLACE it.  But no, you had to break my oil dipstick and then send us on our way.  hmmmm, could this be that you want us to come back with some other kind of problem?  Word to the wise.  When you have something fixed, have an awesome husband that goes over whatever they did.  Again, love you honey.
Dear Sensitive Sense Of Smell.  Sometimes I love you, sometimes I detest you.  Yesterday was a detest day.  Some of the guys I work with just didn't smell right.  When they invade my space and have the whole "I have smoked a ton of cigarettes today and totally forgot to brush my teeth before I came to work smell", I'm gagging.  ( there seems to be a pattern here).  Please, for the love of my nose, STAY AWAY FROM ME.
speaking of men
Dear Men In General.  Why does it take you so long to poop?  First you have to inform me that you are going.  Yippy Yahooey.  Then you are gone for a half hour. I'm going to start telling the customers that you are pooping.  Yeah.  How do you like them apples.  Most women I know are in and out.  Maybe its because we don't go until we have to go, so as not having to sit on the toilet to contemplate the maneuver.   Just an observation.
Dear Hamburger Vegetable Soup.  I love you.  I love how easy it is to make you.  I love your vegetable goodness and flavorful broth.  I love how you make me feel on these wintery days that think they are the energizer bunny.  You, my dearly beloved soup, are ranking right up there with my hubby this week.  Not an easy feat. 
We are now ready to bring you out of your hypnosis.  You are listening to my voice, when I get to one, you will go do as you were instructed.
Love, Dazee