Monday, February 21, 2011

Where The Truth Lies

Do you think you got my truth?  Some of you sure went the long way around guessing.  But heck, that was a riot seeing what you thought. 

Lets get the show on the road, shall we.

1.  I have been on TV
This is a semi truth.  Back when there were horse and buggy's that got us everywhere, there was a talk show called Donahue.  You oldsters will remember it.  His show came to Salt Lake many moons ago and I got tickets for me, my mom and older sister.  So, yeah, you didn't see me but I was there. 

3.  I was an awesome potty trainer.
I was MOTHER FROM HELL potty trainer.  I'm surprised my children haven't had to have therapy for the screaming I did. 

4.  I was beat up by another girl from a different school.
Lie again.  Even tho there is an underlying story to this one.  I was in the pep squad in high school.  Again, all you youngsters, that is what they had before dance teams did all the halftime entertainment.  Anybeatmeuplater, after the game between my school and West High, the meanest, baddest, school when I was around, me and some friends were walking to my car.  Most the people had left.  Some fine outstanding students from West High followed us to my car, saying mean things.  We got in and they started pounding on my car.  You should have seen me pull out of there.  Whew.

5.  I was kicked off a ride at Six Flags for being too fat.
So, ummm, it could have happened.  I was in Dallas and we went to Six Flags.  I can't even remember the name of the ride, but once you got on the seats, the handles came down, and being the plus size woman I am, scrunched my belly.  The little person that had to go down and double check had to push with all her little might to get the little green light to come on.  But alas, I sucked in my gut long enough to turn on the light.

2.  I once traveled on an airplane under an assumed name.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, with unicorns and candy sidewalks, there was a thing called The Airport.  No TSA agents, no checking your ID.  Pick those jaws up, its true.  Those were the days.  aaaaaahhhh.
I worked for the company from hell that fired layed me off.  They were big into sending customers to things.  There was a big plumbing expo in Vegas.  Customers had to buy mega amounts of stuff from us in a 6 month period, and be on time paying their bills.  If they did so, we would pay for their airfare, lodging, tickets to the expo, and to the comedian they lined up for one nights entertainment,  in good ole sin city.  They also paid for the outside sales guys, and another girl and I to go because we were in charge of getting everyone situated.  She was in charge of the hotels, I was in charge of the flights.  Back in those days, they made us buy as many tickets as we needed many months in advance.  Therefore, we had to put assumed names on all the tickets.  That was a joy, let me tell you.  I was in the airport for 6 hours, going from one airline to another, making sure the customers remembered what "their name" was.  There was an older owner of a company, that had a total freakout, because he wasn't going to be able to get his skymiles.  Oh, poor baby.  The freaking flight was paid for, what are you bitching and moaning about. 

So, there you have it.  How did you do?