Dear ....... 5.17.11

 Wie geht's? Sehr gut und ya?  And that my dear boys and girls is the extent of 2 years of German in high school for you.  Also, thanks to my bff Pam for giving me the correct spelling as her parents are German, and therefore she passed that language class with flying colors.  Oh, Herr Bruderer..... but I digress. It's Tuesday, so we know what that means.  Time for my Dear Letters for the week.  Be they good, bad or indifferent, they are letters I just need to write.    

Dear Bloggers That Do Giveaways.  I, like many of my fellow bloggers, would love to win your giveaways.  But I have to admit, I just can't do the, like me, tweet me, give me a urine sample, and fly to the moon and back, just to be included in the list of people that might win.  Can you please just let us comment and let your best friend Random.Org pick one of us.  I realize my chances of winning are zero to nada, but I would certainly enter a lot more if that was all I had to do.  Thank you for your consideration.

Dear Manufacturers of Cold Cereal Boxes.  After attempting to open a box this past weekend, it came to my attention that it was going to take an act of God to get the thing opened.  Starting with the top flap, and ending with the sealed for your enjoyment plastic paper.  Since when have the laws stated that all cold cereal boxes must be adult proofed?  Used to be you could just pull a little on those suckers and they would open.  Now it is pull with all your humanly strength, finally get fed up and grab the scissors, and spill half of the contents in the process.  Someone needs to go sit in the corner for their brilliant idea.

Dear Readers.  The next two letters have to do with a little problem we had in the complex where I work last week.  Lets just say, it involved the sewer pipes, pumps and drains.   We're talking poop and toilet paper and icky water coming up the sewer drain close to our building.  I know, you just threw up a little in your mouth, but you weren't even there.  Friday while they were fixing the problem, the water to the complex was turned off. 

Continuing on....

Dear Credit Dude Where I Work.  Please, don't ever come into my office again with your water bottle containing mountain dew in it and asking me where we are putting the "trucker bombs".  What are you, 12?  First of all, if your pee is the color of mountain dew, you best be getting yourself to the doctor.  Something is not right in the ole bladder.  Second, I don't know you that well.  That is just sick and wrong, and truly not funny. 

Dear Woman That Left The Diarrhea Bomb Along The Back Of The Toilet At Burger King.   Because of the aforementioned no water situation at work, me and my daughter-in-law decided that we would go get some lunch so we could "use the facilities".  My dear, sweet, share all your diarrhea goodness woman.  I DO NOT like to use public restrooms.  And the great surprise you left me is the reason why.  I just have no words to let you know how much I would like to track you down, and throw up all over you. 

Dear Boys That I Work With At Work.  Dudes, what in the hell do you eat that you are constantly clogging up the toilets?  And why, for the love of mike, do you wait to do it on the very first day back to work AFTER THE CARPETS WERE CLEANED!!!  I already dislike to the bottom of my soul the fact that there is only a wall that separates the 2 restrooms.  But when I go into the women's room, and there is a yellowish, smelly colored HUGE pool of water coming through said wall, I'm going to go postal.  Not to mention the nice new toilet water stain on the FRESHLY CLEANED CARPET!!  Methinks there needs to be a little bit more fiber in your diet if you are clogging up the place.  Just Ick.

I apologize for all the icky letters this week.  But it was my life, and I just couldn't take it anymore. 

Here's hoping that there is nothing but sweet rainbows and unicorns this next week.