Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dear ....... 5.17.11

Wie geht's? Sehr gut und ya? 
And that my dear boys and girls is the extent of 2 years of German in high school for you.  Also, thanks to my bff Pam for giving me the correct spelling as her parents are German, and therefore she passed that language class with flying colors.  Oh, Herr Bruderer..... but I digress.
It's Tuesday, so we know what that means.  Time for my Dear Letters for the week.  Be they good, bad or indifferent, they are letters I just need to write. 

Dear Bloggers That Do Giveaways.  I, like many of my fellow bloggers, would love to win your giveaways.  But I have to admit, I just can't do the, like me, tweet me, give me a urine sample, and fly to the moon and back, just to be included in the list of people that might win.  Can you please just let us comment and let your best friend Random.Org pick one of us.  I realize my chances of winning are zero to nada, but I would certainly enter a lot more if that was all I had to do.  Thank you for your consideration.

Dear Manufacturers of Cold Cereal Boxes.  After attempting to open a box this past weekend, it came to my attention that it was going to take an act of God to get the thing opened.  Starting with the top flap, and ending with the sealed for your enjoyment plastic paper.  Since when have the laws stated that all cold cereal boxes must be adult proofed?  Used to be you could just pull a little on those suckers and they would open.  Now it is pull with all your humanly strength, finally get fed up and grab the scissors, and spill half of the contents in the process.  Someone needs to go sit in the corner for their brilliant idea.

Dear Readers.  The next two letters have to do with a little problem we had in the complex where I work last week.  Lets just say, it involved the sewer pipes, pumps and drains.   We're talking poop and toilet paper and icky water coming up the sewer drain close to our building.  I know, you just threw up a little in your mouth, but you weren't even there.  Friday while they were fixing the problem, the water to the complex was turned off. 

Continuing on....

Dear Credit Dude Where I Work.  Please, don't ever come into my office again with your water bottle containing mountain dew in it and asking me where we are putting the "trucker bombs".  What are you, 12?  First of all, if your pee is the color of mountain dew, you best be getting yourself to the doctor.  Something is not right in the ole bladder.  Second, I don't know you that well.  That is just sick and wrong, and truly not funny. 

Dear Woman That Left The Diarrhea Bomb Along The Back Of The Toilet At Burger King.   Because of the aforementioned no water situation at work, me and my daughter-in-law decided that we would go get some lunch so we could "use the facilities".  My dear, sweet, share all your diarrhea goodness woman.  I DO NOT like to use public restrooms.  And the great surprise you left me is the reason why.  I just have no words to let you know how much I would like to track you down, and throw up all over you. 

Dear Boys That I Work With At Work.  Dudes, what in the hell do you eat that you are constantly clogging up the toilets?  And why, for the love of mike, do you wait to do it on the very first day back to work AFTER THE CARPETS WERE CLEANED!!!  I already dislike to the bottom of my soul the fact that there is only a wall that separates the 2 restrooms.  But when I go into the women's room, and there is a yellowish, smelly colored HUGE pool of water coming through said wall, I'm going to go postal.  Not to mention the nice new toilet water stain on the FRESHLY CLEANED CARPET!!  Methinks there needs to be a little bit more fiber in your diet if you are clogging up the place.  Just Ick.

I apologize for all the icky letters this week.  But it was my life, and I just couldn't take it anymore. 

Here's hoping that there is nothing but sweet rainbows and unicorns this next week.


  1. Good grief you just spent a week in sewer hell. Hoping you have a better week this week

  2. Don't worry about your German... People like you and I can just use bablefish.

  3. Eww for the sewer issues. Yuck for the poop skid toilet & piss in the pop bottle.

    I totally agree with you on the giveaway thing. Wtf do they want next our first born? Like this, tweet that, visit this site, blah blah blah. Takes up a lot of time...I guess for something free it may be worth it sometimes, but usually the prizes are not THAT good LOL.

    Cereals should have a zip bag inside, the kind with the sliders for easy open and closing...maybe then my kids would learn to close the damn bag so the cereal doesn't get stale...but probably not.

  4. Wow, crappy week in more ways than 1 I guess. LOL... I took German for 4 years & my mom is German & speaks it fluently however I still to this day can't really speak it & only recall enough to sort of get the gist of what's being said around me when others speak (really, really slow.... LOL). What does that say about high school language classes? Or maybe it's just me since others took & retained their languages just fine (but Spanish is so much easier... I swear!).

  5. I hear ya, except about the giveaways. haha.

  6. I hate all that give away list stuff too! My gosh, what a "crappy" week!

  7. Yay German Yay! You make me happy!

    I also concur cereal boxes are my husband's thing. He's the king of the knives and scissors. I just sit there and pull till the dang thing explodes. XD!
    And I have no idea what a trucker bomb is. But if it involves 'mountain dew' bottles I may just have to be happy with my ignorance.

  8. I always wondered what would entice people to want to sign up for a give away. I have done a few and feel the items I gave away were pretty cool and it was like having to beg people to sign up! I started off not asking for followers, facebook, blog posts.. but then thought it might get more people to come check out my blog-- its just a mind game.... I get annoyed and I've even been one to ask for those ridiculous things. I agree- sign up, win/lose.... Heck, half the followers I got might never EVER even come back other than to sign up for my previous give aways-- my gosh what a long ass comment! Agree about the terds who came up with the new box for cereal. Great letters! Love em!

  9. Oh please, who would have been offended by this post! I loved every word of it...plus I love reading about poop. I know I'm odd, please don't judge.

  10. Your toilet issues sound like similar issues we've had...I'm sorry...

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