Thursday, December 2, 2010

Don't Fall Asleep On The Toilet


When I get out of bed in the morning, stumble my way into the bathroom, and sit down, I start to fall back to sleep.  What is up with that?  Does anyone else do this?  Honestly, you're half naked, sitting above a bowl of cold water, your eyes start closing.  Then you jerk awake.  I really truly am scared that someday I will topple right over, hit my head, start bleeding profusely.  I won't be found by my hubby for awhile.  He will finally realize, hmm, haven't heard Dazee for awhile, best go be finding out if she is ok.  Finds me, calls 911, they come screaming to my house, me half dressed.  How embarrassing.  Dear hubby, please make sure when you call 911 that you ask for the cutest paramedics that they have.  Just sayin.
Another thing that I'm wondering about today.  Does anyone else have that one little spot in their nose that is a constant drip machine?  No matter how much I blow my nose in the morning, that one little spot, left nostril, top right tip, constant run.  Geez, turn it off already!!  Please go join that one piece of poop that doesn't want to be flushed with the rest. 
A few more things, and I will release you from your agony of reading bathroom crap, hahaha, bathroom crap, get it.  Ok, shutting up.  How come is it that you have now peed a whole nights worth of pee, unless you are like me and have gotten up at least once during the night, you are standing there brushing your teeth and you bladder says, ummmm Dazee, you have to pee.  Of course, your bladder wouldn't call you Dazee, but I digress.  What the hell?  Didn't I just go. 
Oh, and the last thing.  The dreaded potty dance.  You know how you hold it, hold it, hold it and then that once last drop hits your bladder and you are like,  You can walk just fine to the restroom, but the minute you get near the toilet, potty dance.  Can't get your pants down fast enough potty dance.  It's kind of embarrassing when you are in a public restroom and you can't hold yourself like a little kid does. 
Alrighty then.  If you are still reading this and haven't turned away in disgust, good on ya.  It could be worse, you could be sitting at my dinner table having these same discussions. :)