Saturday, April 30, 2011

Happy Anniversary Cooper - Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock
Today is the one year anniversary of Jenny's Saturday Centus.  How awesome is that.  Happy Anniversary Jenny. 
With today's prompt she allowed us to have a picture.  Sometimes she's nice like that.  Thank goodness she didn't give us a scary looking easter bunny like last week.  It's pick your own picture week.  We can only use 100 words not including the prompt, and of course, the prompt is in blue. 
Happy Anniversary Cooper
Katrina sealed the package and hurried to the post office. Cooper was deployed 5 months ago, and would be coming home in 3 months. It was their wedding anniversary in a week, so she paid extra to get his present there on time. Although the traditional gift for a first anniversary is paper, she wanted to give him something he would truly enjoy and never forget.

They knew that the division he was in was very secretive, whereas communication didn’t happen often. She wished she could see his face when he opened the box and saw her big surprise.

Happy Anniversary Cooper, from me and your son.

I can only imagine how hard it would be to send off the man I love to a place that I may never see him again. 

Friday, April 29, 2011

Well I'll Be Fracking Honest Here

Friday is finally upon us.  Thank goodness.  And thank goodness for Christy and Boobies for the getting it off my chestaa-la-westaa's.

First of all, my good friend mother nature.  Really, SNOW yet again on Friday April 29th.  I'm done with you.  In the good words of El Paso Salsa commercial, Get a rope!!!

Next up, the "tests" we are put through in life.  I hate that saying.  "Its your test".  Ok, I failed tests while in school.  Did not do good.  So when I see posts from other people that are going thru a "test" right now, makes me want to scream. 

A big ole fawk you to dump trucks that don't cover their loads while the wind is blowing like crazy.  Yeah, I'm talking to all those that were on the road last night.  If I were a cop, you all would have been pulled over and written up mega tickets.  You just had to do with the star-downs today.  And maybe a California hello wave. 

Freak, I'm tired.  Frack you tiredness.  I like the feeling of drifting off to sleep, but not until I'm done with all my posts.  I like to snuggle up to my blanket and start dreaming of my happy place. 

Freak, frack, paddywack, to the damn flu that has gone around this flu season.  And freaking flu shots that don't work on the throw up and diarrhea type of flu. Get on it scientist.  The world depends on you.

Now I'm off to make a dollar because I'm only good for that much. Don't get me started........

PS:  my son and a few of his friends have started a blog.  My son wrote a post today that I would really like to promote.  I sometimes can't believe that I raised a son that thought for himself about politics and religion and unjust things of the world.  I am very proud of the fact.  We raised our kids to be free thinkers and not believe something we believe, just because we believe it.  He researches and watches what the government is doing.  Please go check out his blog.  Just remember that not everyone thinks the same.  Please comment.  Don't be mean.  Give your point of view if you want, but be proud of yourself if you do and don't post anonymous. 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Dog Days Of Sprinter

Dogs and their owners.  How do they do it.  Somehow I don't think these next pictures are really owner and dog, but hey, I'll go with it.  Why, you ask.  Because I can.  And they are so cute that I just had to do it.
All they need is a pipe in their mouths.

Who you calling Butch?

Curly Sue's

You lookin at me?

Step into my study

Drugs, what drugs?

And then we will dress like princesses

She did it.

Weren't those so cute.  Just looking at them made me go all mushy inside, so I made a trip to the Animal Shelter.  I think I found the perfect match.
Yup, she's a dead ringer.  :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Dear..... 4.26.11.

 Hear ye, hear ye.  In honor of this weeks Royal Wedding, I bring you nothing to do with that.  I will bring you instead, this weeks Dear Letters, along with pictures.  The easier to help you "get the picture".  hahaha, cracking myself up again.
Dear Middle of the road jogger.
You are not the only person on the road.  In darkness, rain, snow and fog, it is not a good idea to JOG SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.  Dude, I promise, if you and I play chicken, I WILL WIN. 

Dear Kleenex Box Makers. 
Do you think you could find it in your hearts to make it a bit easier to get that very first Kleenex out of the box.  Not a pretty site when I have done a huge ole sneeze and can't get the Kleenex out.  Gazuntite.
Dear Owner Of Dogs In Back Of Pickup Trucks.
I think you are the lowest of low owners in the world.  If I am behind you, I DO NOT want to watch your dog fall out of your truck.  IT DOES HAPPEN.  I've seen it happen.  Have you, dear owner, ever heard a dog yelp in severe pain?  Or do you have it in your wee head that animals feel no pain?  News flash, they do.  If you feel the need to take your dog wherever you go, please for the love of my heart rate, have the dog riding alongside you.  Are there no laws against this?  If not, there should be.

Dear Texters. 
I am a texting fool.  If you text me and within the same second I text you back, where in the hell do you go?  Didn't you just barely send the thing?  An answer right back would be the best thing to do.  Not 7 or 8 hours later or, heaven forbid, a week.  I don't understand it.  If you aren't in the mood to talk, no texting allowed.

Dear 3 Dudes At Home Depot.
I know that me and Mr. Dazee are scary monsters.  But really, when the 3 of you are talking, and we are looking like we need a question answered, it's not good customer service for you to scatter like the wind.  And what the hell was the stare down all about?  Were you daring us?  Did you hear me say out loud, "OMG, we are scary honey, look at them run".  Get a non-customer service related job if you are a big wuss, cry baby, scardy cat.

Dear JC Penney Ad
Ummm, a baby sale huh.  Up to 50% off.  Get big savings for you little one?  WTH?  Isn't selling babies against the law?  How in the heck did this get past your ad person.  Oh wait, as I twittered last week, some ad companies need to be fired.  Nuff said. (yes, this is the ad I saw just last night on a site, scary huh)

Not only do you do the cutest crafts and stuff with your kids, but whatever sugar cookie recipe you came up with for the ears of this cute bunny, were the BEST THINGS EVER!!!!  I suggest that you always use that one, and let me test a few dozen for food poisoning.  :)  No charge for my services.  You're welcome. 

Another batch of letters done for the week.  I feel much better now. 
With that being said


Monday, April 25, 2011

The Cousin Adventures plus More Craziness

Happy Monday, or Crap it's Monday, whichever the case may be.  :)

What a great 4 day weekend I had.  Don't be all jealous now.  Some of you have had awesome adventures as of late, so shut it.

Things started off Thursday with my anniversary.  Nice day.  Yes, we went to Home Depot.  Got our favoritest sandwiches in the world, Grinders 13 Pepper Steak, loaded with onions and tomatoes.  Hot peppers on the side.  Came home, slathered on some miracle whip and delighted tastebuds insued. 

Now for a few pictures, just to keep you interested.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!  I would love to see this building in person. 

This I saw on fellow blogger Coffeepot's site on Saturday and thought it was so true.  Yeah, things can always get worse.  (I stole this from him without asking, oops)

Another fellow femalelow blogger, Baby Sister, whom I'm about to put out an APB on, had this on her site when she first started blogging.  Yeah, I'll hold on to something forever.  I myself would fall in the #13 category, if I was still PMS'ing.  (jealous just a smidge, aren't ya?)

Ok, on with the weekend.

Friday morning, the day of all days finally arrives, my cousin April is in town.  You would never know that she is 20 19 years younger than me.  She acts soooo much older.  Ok, we both act 16 when we are together, but that's ok.  This was her as I was zooming through town to get us to her hair appointment on time.
I kid.  But I would love this painted on the side of my car. 

After being gone from 9 in the morning until 8 that evening, we were bushed.  But we HAD to have a bedtime snack.  Her idea.  Chocolate cake donuts with chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream on top.  She put the ice cream away, and off to watch Ghost Hunters we went.   We decided to go to bed early because, well, she was already asleep.  Next morning, as I was getting the creamer out of the REFRIGERATOR for our coffee, low and behold, this is what my eyes beheld. 
One of these things, doesn't belong here.  One of these things just doesn't belong, can you tell which thing doesn't belong here, be-fore I finish my song.  Did you find it boys and girls?  Will the ice cream still be good since it was in the fridge?  It wasn't melted all over the shelf or anything.  We shall see.  If I get extreme food poisoning, then we will know to just throw it out next time.

I've saved the best for last.  Now, if you are easily offended, please just don't go any further.  My sick sense of humor is about to come out. 

When I went to pick up April, there were too many cars parked in front of her mother-in-laws house.  So I had to pull in front of the next door neighbors.  Now, the way they were parked were not length wise, but pulling in like you had a parking space.  So your car faced the house.  Are you following here.  Ok.  Good. 

I turn off my car, text her that I'm there, look up at the tree sitting in front of my window and this is what I see.
Innocent enough.  Unless you are Dazee and sick and wrong.  I hurry out of the car, help her lug her stuff to my car, and point out the tree.  Being that we are 16 year old girls at heart, much hysterical laughter insued.

When I took her home on Saturday afternoon, knowing full well that I don't go anywhere without my camera, well, we just needed to take a picture.  I love April, she is game for just about anything. 

Behold, I give you
April and the Tree
OMG, look at her face.  That girl freaking cracks me up.   
ps:  sure hope the neighbors weren't watching.  

I have to say, between spending time with the hubster, and my cwauson, it was the best Anniversary/Easter weekend EVER.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Murphy's Law

Jenny Matlock
Saturday Centus time my peeps.  No, not those gross wanna-be-marshmallow things, you, my people.  Jenny is a snot.  I'm just putting that out there.  She must have been a teacher in a previous life, because she loves to test us.  And this week, she did.
Instead of a word prompt, she gave us a picture.  Are you ready for this.  It's a doosey.

I bring you, in all it's glory, my story of the week.

It was the Friday before Easter. As I was finishing up a report that was due to my boss, I glanced up in time to see the elevator door slide open.

I looked around wondering who the lucky recipient was of a singing telegram. As the performer started getting closer, I froze. I knew that man. He was my next door neighbor. I had heard that he was between jobs at the moment.

Please, oh please, don’t let him see me. No such luck. He stopped in front of my desk and started his serenade. Murphy’s Law rides again.

Thanks Jenny.  You have once again made me go to a place that just scared the bunny poops out of me.  

Friday, April 22, 2011

Snowshoes And Toboggans

Debra at Writing With Debra has bestowed upon me The Versatile Blogger award.  She found me through the writing meme I do on Saturdays.  Which, as you can tell from her blog name, she is a writer.  I am not.  Thanks Debra.  (whew, got one of the rules out of the way).

Rule number 2.  Tell 7 things that I NEVER HAVE MENTIONED BEFORE.  People, haven't I told you just about everything?  Haven't I told you about my long term memory problem?  Ok, ok, I will do it.  Freak.

  1. When I was 3, I sent our cat snowball, across the street to my sister, where she met a gruesome death. 
  2. Unlike Debra, I will not wake up super early to watch the Royal Wedding.
  3. When I was 19 I went snowshoeing and thought for sure I was going to die.  The altitude about did me in.
  4. The one and only time I ever went skiing, I wiped out and got had to ride in the fun and exciting rescue toboggan.  My mom was super pissed at me because she didn't want me to go in the first place. 
  5. White chocolate Kit Kat's have become my newest favorite candy bar.
  6. If you don't blog in a while, and you all know who you are baby sister, I get really worried about you.  Don't do that to me.  Get back to blogging.  My wish is your command.
  7. I get totally weirded out seeing other people's toenail clippings. 
Next rule.  Award the award to others.  My least favorite thing to do, because well, I love all of you that I follow.  Here are some that I'm giving it to this time tho, for different reasons.  I read an eclectic range of people.  They all "say" things to me in different ways.  They make me laugh, and cry and want to hurt people for them. 

Don't fret my little buck-a-roo's.  If I ever get another award, your chance will come up.  I'm an equal opportunity award giver-outter.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

And They Said It Would Never Last

Why, who is that handsome devil? 

32 years ago, as we drove to the Silver Bells Chapel in Las Vegas, I looked over at the man of my dreams and thought.  Oh my gosh, I'm getting married.  (this was before I swore like a sailor)

Yes, you read that right.  32 years ya'll.  (I like to talk like some of my southern buddies)
My parents weren't very happy about me marrying Mr. Dazee.  He wasn't of "our faith".  Because they weren't overly excited about the whole thing, we decided to go to Vegas to get married.  Too bad for them, it was really nice, and quiet, and emotional. 

You know what?  I love him more today, than I did 32 years ago.  We've had our ups and downs.  Any normal couple does.  He has put up with a lot from me.  Of course, that goes both ways, right honey? 

Mr. Dazee is the kind of guy that most mothers want their daughter to marry.  He has never abused me in any way, shape or form.  He makes me feel sorry for women who have horrible, rotten, no good, very bad husbands.  We still hold hands all these years later.  He makes me giggle/snort with his dry sense of humor.  Believe me, we've had more dates to Home Depot, just because I love to be with him. 

The best thing about him.  He gets me.  He gets my craziness, my weirdness, my tears, my anger.  And he still loves me. 

Happy Anniversary Honey

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Just Became A Germaphobe

I've never been one to fret too much about germs.  You know, grab paper, no problem.  Handle money, no problem.  But yesterday, was a kind of day that you have to rethink what you are doing.

First off, a friend was telling me about her relative that is a cat lady.  Not a ton, but "right now" only 3.  Said relative would separate the cats into different rooms if they didn't get along.  Now, she isn't a "hoarder" type cat lady.  Her house is spotless.  You wouldn't even know that she had cats, it's that clean. 

Anycatloverlater, last week one of her cats died.  Natural causes I think.  Who knows, could have maybe called in my boyfriend to solve it, but, well, it's a cat.  Relative is devastated.  Which I can understand.  We had our 2 cats 18 and 19 years.  Its a horrible loss to lose a member of your family.  Relative had cat approximately 5 to 6 years.  The loss is more than she can handle. 

Did she have the cat cremated?  No.  Did she bury it?  No.  She thinks the ground is too frozen right now.  Do you know where her cat is?
Tucked away nicely in her freezer. 
Excuse me a minute while I throw up. 
By the way, the ground is not too frozen, even tho we have had nothing but rain and snow all month.  Weeds are growing in my backyard.  That means, prime bury the cat weather.  Just sayin.  I honestly would never be able to go pull something out of the freezer ever again if one of my cats was being kept hostage frozen in there.  Especially if the cat IS STILL IN THERE!  No, you grab that pound of hamburger.  I'll just avert my eyes for a minute.

(going to my happy place)

But if you think that is bad, here is the big, super reason I have decided that I just can't be a fancy free person anymore.  Show up to work yesterday.  My morning routine begins by me making a cup of Peaches and Cream Instant Oatmeal.  (yum)  While it is getting thick, I go out to our counter area and grab the paperwork from the afternoon before  Are you still with me here?  Its gets better.  (or not)

I grab the pick tickets out of the basket.  My thumb connects with something gooey.  I start to freak out. 
Beg one of the guys to please take his glove and wipe off whatever it is.  He takes a look and starts gagging.  Not looking favorable.  He won't do it, but he did grab some paper towels and wiped it off as we both threw up a little.

I decided that immediate action was required.  Thank goodness we have latex gloves for the plumbers.  (well, ummm, yeah, I wouldn't want to be changing out someones toilet that I didn't know)  The fine, outstanding counter guy that gagged along with me decided I needed a whole box.  They are now in my desk. :)

(Why yes, that's a rubber finger, a girl just can't have enough protection)
Notice and remember how white these germ savers are.

Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I show you the following Exhibits
Close up of the biggest, gooeyiest spot. 
 No, you don't get the full beautiful grossed out effect that I got.  But still.

A smaller even hard to see spot of goo.
 I wore both gloves whenever touching the pick tickets or receivers (packing slips)  I always knew that my hands got dirty.  After doing them, I will wash my hands and to say the amount of dirt that comes off of them is, ummm, bad.

Exhibit C shows the amount of "dirt" I got yesterday.  Again, picture doesn't do it justice.

Oh, and now, my boss thinks I'm a freaking loon.  Ok, he already kind of knew that, but he walked in to give me some paperwork while I was taking the above picture.  Oops.  But even funnier?  He came in earlier to have me write a check.  I was working away with my protection.  He said, "looks serious".  I told him all about the gooey mess and then I think he threw up a little in his mouth.  I went to hand him a pen because the check required 2 signatures, and my glove touched his hand.  He was like, "oh no, you touched me with your gross glove".  ahahahahahah, hehehehehe.  Poor guy, NOT. 

After talking with the dude in charge of deliveries, and by the signature of who delivered it, ie: scaryman, we just couldn't decide if he hawked a loogie, or did one of his famous snot rockets.  I've never seen him hawk a loogie, but have witnessed the fine gross job he does on the snot rockets. 

One moment please, gag, gag, gagging some more.

All better now.

And this is why I have become a germaphobe.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dear..... 4.19.11

Howdy Rowdy's.  It's time for my Tuesday Dear..... Letters.  Just to let you know how I'm feeling about things that happened the past week.  Most of all it's to get things out of my system, so I'm less liking to kill hurt people.  :)
I know that the suspense is just too much, so I shall start.
Dear Nutter Butters.  Oh my.  You are a piece of crunchy, peanut-buttery goodness.  As you tickle the tastebuds in my mouth, a feeling of pure joy escapes my lips.  And when I add just a smidge of ice cold milk, in a word, HEAVEN.  Thank you for being in my cupboard.
Dear Rain On Monday.  I know that you feel like we are in need of more moisture.  You must not be watching the weather reports, because we are way over 100% of our water table for the year.  I appreciate that you are not snow, but, in a "non-mover" sort of way that the weather people call you, it's not a good thing.  There is only so many sandbags to go around.  Just sayin.
Dear Pain In My Side.  Thank you for sticking to me Sunday and Monday.  I just can't thank you enough for the way you made it so I couldn't breath deep.  Or being to afraid to sneeze.  Do you not realize how good a sneeze feels?  Good thing I didn't panic and look up on Google what it means.  I'm sure if I did, I would have some very rare disease.  I will get you my pretty.
Dear Telemarketer That Left A Voicemail On My Cell Phone.  Ummm, you should know by now, if I don't know the number, I will not answer you.  I will just select "ignore".  Usually you are on the ball and just hang up.  Apparently you were having a really good conversation with one of your fellow workmates.  I have to say, I was totally enjoying the rant you were having.  Us dumb people that don't understand that it might take months for the garbage fine merchandise to work its way into our homes are just making you mad.  I'm sorry.  Maybe you should find another job. 
Dear New Guy That Started Yesterday At Work.  Dude, you are freaking tall.  I mean, really tall.  How would it be to have to duck my head every time I walked through a door.  Yikers.  But hey, should make it a smidge easier for you to reach some of the inventory that others have to use cherry pickers for. 
Dear Spicy Thai Food.  I love you.  I really do.  But I do not love the heartburn that you inflict upon me.  Please take your burning sensation and visit someone else.  
Very Truly Yours

Monday, April 18, 2011

I Stole Them....The Questions You Weirdo's

I stole these questions from a meme called Sunday Stealing.  They steal it, so it's ok if I do.  The thing is, some of the questions I deleted off because, well, it's my blog and I can do what I want. 

  Tell us about your favorite tee-shirt. Extra points if you show a pic.
I got this t-shirt many, many moons ago.  I have never been skinny like this so it's fun to wear, usually on Halloween.  Don't ya just love the little piercing I did of the belly button.  I know, I rock.
 Do you plan what to wear the next day?
I kind of know what pants I'm going to wear, but not the shirt.  I used to be anal weird like that, but I've since grown out of it.
 What's the closest thing to you that's black?
My Sony EReader

Did you or might you meet anybody new today?
I met the dude that made my pizza's at Papa Murphy's

 If you could be doing anything right now (or perhaps after you finish this ridiculous meme) what would it be?
Reading and/or sleeping

Can you think of a meme question that's never been asked?
Would you rather live on Venus or Mars

What comes to mind when I say China?
Tons and tons of people

Are you overly emotional?
What?  Are you saying I'm emotional?????? I'm not freaking emotional!!!!
Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick until I get down to the cone, and then, chomp, chomp, chomp

Do you like your car?
I love my car. 
 Do you like yourself?
Most the time

Would you go out to eat with Charlie Sheen?
hmmmm, probably not but my good friend The Queen totally would.
 Are (or were) your parents strict?
About going to church, pretty much.

 I say cottage cheese. You say:
Where's the bottled peaches
Have you ever met a celebrity?
No.  tear....tear

 Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Just my personality :)
What countries have you visited?
None.  I don't even have a passport.  I'm sooooo boring
Where were you going the last time that you were on a train?
Well a real live train, when I was in 6th grade.  Math time.....41 years ago.  Yikes.  Train at the Amusement Park, last year.
Bacon or sausage?
Bring on the bacon
How long have you had a cell-phone?
Probably about 10 years

Who invented chop sticks?
A narcissist
 Are you too forgiving?
Depends.  I wouldn't say I'm too forgiving.  I hate contention so I will try to forgive.  But if you have totally crossed the line, may you rot in hell.
And yes, you know who you are. 

What was the stupidest thing you learned in high school?
I had a semester of "Preparation For Marriage".  Quit laughing.  What a freaking joke.  What did we do?  We cut pictures out in magazines of wedding dresses, and bridesmaid dresses.  Cuz nothing says "prepare for marriage" like that.
 Favorite thing to do this time of the year?
Start BBQ'ing a ton.  Put out the hummingbird feeder.
If you had to get a (or another) tattoo, what would it be?
hahaha, had to.  That's funny.  Right now I think I have enough.  WHEN I get another one, it will be a little butterfly added to the grandchildren butterflies.  Not that there is any pressure on my youngest son and daughter-in-law.  hint, hint.

How would your best friend describe you?
A wacky, fun to be with person.  Right best friends?  Of course right.

Have you ever seen all three Twilight films?
I've only seen the first movie, but I've read all the books.  Does that count?
Ever walked into a glass door?
Nope, walked into that hall wall tho a couple of weeks ago. 
Do looks matter to you?
Nope.  You can't judge a book by it's cover.  And if looks matter to others when they are looking at me, well then, too bad so sad for them.  They are the losers!
Do you like your life right now?
I have to say I do.  I'm content with where I live.  I have a great family and good friends.
Do you sleep with the TV on?
Oh heck no.  Needs to be totally quiet and dark.

Can you handle the truth?
Yup.  sometimes it hurts, but I can handle it.  Well, sometimes I have a good cry over it, but then I'm ok.

Do you have good vision?
It's not the worst.  Not the best.

What celeb would you like to come home to?
ummm, duh, Shemar, Derek Morgan, Moore

What are you wearing?
Nothing, I'm completely naked.  :)
Can you waltz?
I pretend pretty good
Have you ever crawled through a window?
The better question is, would you fit through a window.  If it was a big freaking window, then I could.  But I also have this fear of heights and would too afraid of hitting the ground.

Now, I'm so craving some shaved ice.  Isn't it time for the little shacks to go up?

Saturday, April 16, 2011

She Asked Me For A Review

Jenny Matlock
What a sly fox that Jenny is.  This week our prompt, if we chose to accept it, was to take one of the many stories people wrote last week on the prompt APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS, and do a review.  My oh my.  This is a hard task.  
Being the true blue, I'll tackle anything except a mouse, that I am, I'm doing it.  The only thing is, I couldn't narrow down all the great stories to one.  Therefore, for your enjoyment, I am reviewing three.   I am also sticking to the 100 words only rule, so between all 3 stories the reviews have 100 words.  I know, I rock. :)
The first story was done by 
Madge at I-Madge-Ine The Twaddle 
The Golden Ticket

We were in love, a couple of small town kids with no future. We knew that we would never get out of this town if he didn't enlist. Boot camp was hard, he was gone for what seemed like forever as I planned our wedding. We were married, and he was deployed two weeks later.
April 2nd, I heard "the knock". Pregnant, and widowed, my love, my life, my ticket out of the hole we were both born into, was gone. Honor was born May 5th, a healthy baby girl, her daddy would have been so proud. Proof that April showers bring May flowers.
The Review
We were taken behind the scenes of the sorrow our nation is going through, in a truly heartfelt story.  As the moment of joy was felt, it reminded me that war is truly unfair.

She probably didn't think I would dare review the teacher but, I don't obey the rules much, do I.
Next up is Jenny's. 

“Just laugh,” my Mom threatened. “Don’t make me get him.”
“Fine,” I retorted, “Pilgrims! Are you happy now?”

My Mom stormed out and returned dragging my Dad. “She’s being a smart-ass! Make her be nice!”

Slowly taking off this belt, he asked me, “Is it the ‘if April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring’ joke’?”
“Yes! But, it’s not fair, Dad. She never laughs at my jokes! Why do I have to laugh at her stupid ones? It’s…”

I let out a yelp as the belt met the bare skin of my legs.

“Your sister is dying,” he said grimly, “You will laugh.”

The review
A well written reality of life in so many different ways. Abusive parents, sibling rivalry, and dying. The author touched my heart in a way that I felt the pain of the belt.

The last one I am going to review is done by my writing mentor
June Freaking Cleaver
Time for an Intervention

My husband just had to build a ship. Now I’m stuck below deck as storms rage above me.

I want to see dry land. I want to walk on solid ground.

Do you know how hard it is to prepare a meal when this big hulk pitches and rolls in the waves?

And who takes care of the kids and other creatures (that just seemed to appear out of nowhere)?

Me, that’s who.

Need I mention the stench?

HE keeps saying, “April showers bring May flowers.”

“Noah, shut up! After forty days and forty nights, can’t you come up with something better?”

The review
A brilliant idea, taking an old bible story and putting a twist of humor on this timeless tale. Adding Mrs. Noah’s voice to the endless days was pure genius by the Author.

To even be writing in a group of people like these is a great learning experience for me.  They all inspire me to try to learn and be better each and every week.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Dazee's Public Service - State Laws You Should Be Aware Of

I decided that since the summer vacation season is soon upon us, I would help you out with a few little laws you should know about if you are planning on traveling to another State other than your own. 
You're welcome.  :)

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
but it's ok to just drop them on the ground

ALASKA, Juneau
Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops
call me crazy, but I don't think of flamingos when thinking of Alaska

ARIZONA, Prescott
No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house
damn, and I was all set to go to Arizona by horseback

ARKANSAS, Little Rock
Dogs may not bark after 6 PM
wow, those are some well trained dogs

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows
I guess they are taking cow-boy literal here

COLORADO, Sterling
Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight
have you ever tried fitting a cat with a taillight?  good luck with that

You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands
there goes that great idea I had

DELAWARE, Rehoboth Beach
Alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time
alrighty then

You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM
save it for you car, like I did while dating Mr. Dreamer.  what?

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday
rest of the week is just fine

Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears
other body parts are just fine

IDAHO, Boise
Residents may not fish from a giraffe’s back
wow, must be a huge giraffe population in Boise

The Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire
gosh, they take all the fun out of dining out

Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March
ummm, well that just stinks!!

IOWA, Marshalltown
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants
well, you've heard the saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't let it eat the hydrant :)

Hitting a vending machine that stole your money is illegal
they must have way bad overcrowding in their jails.  just sayin

KENTUCKY, Fort Thomas
Dogs may not molest cars

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol
this is a holdup, squirt-squirt

MAINE, Freeport
It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window
and because they used such a big word, I had to look it up
to eject or expel matter, as phlegm, from the throat or lungs by coughing or hawking and spitting; spit
I'd like to see an "it is illegal to expectorate anywhere" law

MARYLAND, Rockville
Persons may not swear while on the highway
that's it, Maryland is off my vacation schedule!!

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked
so, not, fair
It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose
well that's just unjust discrimination by darn

MINNESOTA, Cottage Grove
 Airplanes may not be landed in city parks
but crashing is totally ok

It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street
totally going to try getting away with that one

MISSOURI, Columbia
You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25′ satellite dish
it's called priorities people

It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone
because what happens with the sheep in Montana, stays in Montana :)

If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested
they take their religion serious in that thar state

Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask
that is just scary

Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces
or have little clowns following behind them, like the horses do in the parades

It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season
because nothing is more relaxing than knittin and fishin at the same time

Hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery
all other cemetery's are open season

Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”
well, I never!!!

Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields
ummm, is there zoo animals on the loose in these states or what

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on
but what if they have narcolepsy?

OHIO, Paulding
A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him
must have some mighty burly policemen

You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer
sounds like a "licensed engineer" was on the city council

Dishes must drip dry
hey, was my mom from Oregon?

A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel
I guess it is the whole murder is a felony thing

Ropes may not be strung across a highway
but how else are they going to stop traffic

It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays
ok, I just kind of want to try this one out for fun.  try arresting me fella's, I'll win the case

SOUTH DAKOTA, Fountain Inn
Horses are to wear pants at all times
anyone looking to make some good money in Fountain Inn, here's a great business venture 
It is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians
that is just mean

TEXAS, Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator
just don't get stuck in one, as evidenced in my post on wednesday

It is illegal NOT to drink milk
oh I know some people that are so breaking this law

Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth

There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates
and this is surprising because.......?

You may not ride an ugly horse
but whomever came up with this law should be kicked by an ugly horse

One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash
what the hell people?

Missiles may not be shot at parade participants
that just took all the fun out of the parade

You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit
I don't even know what to say

There you have it.  You will thank me when you don't get arrested because you were warned. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Being Stuck In An Elevator - My Greatest Fear EVER

I was watching the news this morning as I was getting ready for work.  On the station that I watch, they will show articles by Jeanne Moos of CNN.  I usually like them.  This morning she did a report on a guy that got stuck in an elevator years ago for 41 hours, and how David Letterman did a spoof on it.  The following video is "part" of what she showed.  WARNING, PLEASE DO NOT WATCH THIS IF YOU GET GROSSED OUT EASILY.
And yes, he got an undisclosed amount of money from the building.  I feel soooooo sorry for this guy.
This is one of the biggest fears in life that I have.  I am kind of ok if there is someone I know in the elevator with me.  If there is a stranger, I'm weirded out.  Well, if it's a stranger, they could murder me and that is another fear I have.  Being murdered.  ****going to my happy place****
My diabetes doctor is on the 3rd floor of a medical building.  I think my blood pressure goes up just getting on the elevator.  I know, I know, I could do the healthy thing and walk up 3 FREAKING FLOORS OF STAIRS, but then my blood pressure would be even worse.  Until I reach the floor and I'm safely out of the metal room of hell, I'm a bundle of nerves. 
Maybe I need to start carrying a huge ole purse.  Filled with, some kind of container to do bathroom duties in, a roll of toilet paper, a book, some water, some munchies, a pen to write my last will and testament, which might just be somewhere on the pages of said book.  Hmmm, a backup battery for my cell phone, but with my luck there won't be reception for said phone. 
(OMG, my heart is racing just thinking about this.  Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.  I'm at my happy place.  Alejandro is bringing me a strawberry daiquiri.  The breeze is making the palm trees fan my skinny body as I soak up the sun.  Hey, it's my happy place, I can be anything I want to be.)
And I'm back.   
What is your biggest fear?

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Another week has flown by.  It's Tuesday and time for my Dear..... letters.  Play along if you would like.  Just grab the code over there..........
You can write nice letters, or mean letters, or love letters, or Dear John letters.  Anything that floats your boat.
Today my letters are including pictures for all those out there that need the visual.  Plus it will illustrate a little better what I'm trying to say.  Sometimes my brain thinks it, but my hands don't type it.  Leaving you, my dear readers, scratching your heads, wondering what I'm trying to say.
Let's begin, shall we.

Dear McDonalds.  Why can't I have french fries in the morning with my Egg McMuffin?  It's the same process of "frying" up the hash browns as it is the fries.  I don't like the hash browns.  I WANT FRIES!  hrmmmp 
*hands on hips*

Dear illegal workers hanging out in front of said McDonalds.  I get that you want someone to hire you for the day.  I hope they do.  But ummm, mister stand right in the middle of the street.  You best move your butt.  I will run you over.  Wait, I almost did run you over.  I'd like to say, get a job, but that is what you were trying for.  Good luck staying alive.

Dear Yard Crashers and/or House Crashers.  Why don't you ever show up at my local home DIY store?  I promise, I will not run away from you with all your camera people and microphones.  I will gladly invite you to my house.  I've discussed it with Mr. Dreamer, he is fine with it.  We have a backyard that needs to be finished, or a room in the basement that needs finishing also.  I'm usually there on a Sunday, but you just let me know when you will be there and I will find you with open arms. 

Dear Back Scratcher.  I heart you!   I heart both of you, at my work and at my home. You both make that crazy itch on my back feel so much better.  Typing this letter makes me feel a bit creepy like Cody Brown, Sister Wives 4 timing husband.  Do you think they would do a Reality show about us?  
ps:  Did you hear that number 4 wife Robyn is prego?  Kind of took my brain to a place it didn't want to go.  Just sayin. 

Dear Elected Officials in Washington.  You better believe that I don't believe you when you say, "we need to make taxes fair for the wealthy down to the poor".  Yeah right, I've heard those fish fart before.  Ain't gonna happen.  Kind of like your, "I believe we need term limits".  uh huh.  You are super big on your lies speeches to get you elected, but then you weasel out when the big boys threaten to send you home to your mommies.  And just so you know, I'm not talking of the President.  I'm talking about the Senators and Representatives from every State.  Liars, liars, pants on fire!!!

Dear blue covering and yellow ball in the sky.  What are you?  I have no knowledge of what you are.  Please send me a sign so that I may sleep tonight.  I am so very scared.  There is usually dark clouds above.  I know you are teasing with me, aren't you.  You will notice tho, mister sky, that I took a picture of you, just to prove that something is amiss.  I will keep you around on those dark days, of which the weather people are saying are here again today and tomorrow.  You, my dear friend, are a ruthless, mean sky.

Love for ever and ever

Come on, link on up, you know you want to.