Monday, August 30, 2010

The Day I Totally Lost It

Once upon a time, in a land far away, oops, wait. That's not how this story goes.

Once upon a time, there was a mom. We shall call her Dazee. Dazee had awesome kids. For her 50th birthday, awesome kids gave their mom a surprise trip for two to San Francisco. She searched the land, long and hard for the right person to take with her. Oh, no she didn't. She took her hubby with her. Duh.

Surprise trip included hotel, airfare, and shuttlebus fare to and from the airport. The two lovebirds loaded the plane and got to the airport. As per the instructions on the shutttlebus coupons, "please call when you land at airport". We call as good little minions should, only to hear. I'm sorry, your shuttle coupon has been cancelled. Few stern words to the person on the other end of the phone, all is well, tell us where to go wait.

La-de-da, all is well in vacationhood. Have our 2 days of sightseeing, eating on the pier, going to Alcatraz, you know, all the things first timers do in good ole San Fran. As per instructions on the coupon, please call 24 hours before departure to confirm your pickup. Call, talk nicely to the customer service person, ask nicely if we can change the pickup time to an earlier time because, well, traffic, airport 45 minutes away, you know, that kind of crap. Sure, we can do that. All is well in vacationhood.

Next morning go on final sightsee, grab our bags, head out to the fine benches in front of the hotel. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Pick up time comes, pick up time goes. Seething, seething, seething. Make another phone call to the shuttlebus company. Dear sir, I say, why haven't we been picked up? What is your name? Dazee Dreamer, said I. Well, ma'am, your pickup times says such-and-such a time. No, I reply, I called the number on the back of the coupon and changed the pick up time. Well ma'am (I don't know about you, but when I start getting called ma'am one too many times, I lose it), you should have called this location directly.

sidebar: Another lovely couple are sitting on another bench not far from ours.

Holy canoly, I say, I don't have YOUR number on this paper anywhere. How am I supposed to know that! Well, your guy is almost there. Take down his fine number, and wait, and wait, and wait. Original pickup times comes and goes. I know what you are thinking. Dazee just sits there sweetly, holding the hand of her love. WRONG. I call said number, and the F word starts flying. Spoken like any fine long haul trucker. Every other word is the F word. I've totally lost it. And I'm screaming at this point. Telling them where they can take their shuttlebus and shove it (shocker, I know). Other couple is wondering if they should call the cops. Hubby is looking at me. Is he mad. No, he is so proud of me. When I get off the phone, he even high fives me. Shuttlebus finally arrives. Driver has been forwarned about crazy lunatic woman waiting. haha

Does this fine story end here. No. we have more pickups to make. First two go without a hitch. And then, the mother of all pickups. Girl is not waiting on the curb, as it so righteously tells us on the coupon. We wait, I'm seething (I know, another shocker). Finally drivers goes to get her. Does she come back with him. NOPE. she wasn't quite ready. My leg starts doing the up and down, she's pissed off as hell move. Finally about 10 minutes later, down comes little miss pomperoy. I'm so sorry, hope you aren't mad.

I feel a hand clamp down on my leg. Look at hubby. He's giving me the whole, don't say a word look. I was staring daggers into the rearview mirror of the driver. Was not a pleasant trip for the other passengers, you could have cut it with a knife.

We got to the airport, FINALLY, with barely enough time to get through all the bull you have to go through. And because we were on Southwest, and because we didn't get there at the crack of dawn, we didn't even get seats by each other. Different rows. Nobody would move.

I wrote a great email to the shuttlebus company and the travel agency. I know, you are again shocked at my bravery. But when I feel like I've been wronged, I just don't let it sit. Besides, it made me feel tons better, and I will from now on, never use the Shuttlebus people. It's either hotel pickup, or taxi. Of course, being the world travelers we are, I don't think that will be happening soon.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End