Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Maybe I Should Have Called In Sick

You ever felt kind of sick to your stomach during the night, and tell yourself, if I feel this icky in the morning, I'm calling in sick? Sunday night was that way. Went to work, camera, always handy, and good freaking thing.

I get to work every morning, start up the coffee pots. Scary guy comes in, usually tries to take coffee from the pot while it's brewing. I did the guard the machine maneuver. Apparently he just needed to throw something in the trash. As he was telling me that I had good blocking moves and should play for the NBA, drool is falling from his bottom lip, streaming a good 5 to 6 inches. Can you say ick? (I asked one of the guys to snap a picture for me without him knowing. He didn't even move when the flash went off. Can you say, sometimes he's as dumb as a bag of hair?)

Lunch time. Go out to get in my car to run to get some grub. What do I see? A parking lot with 5 to 6 empty spaces and Mr. Dumb Ass decided, oh I think I will just park, ummm, HERE. Yes, another fine fellow employee. I kept wishing that some big semi would pull around the corner and wipe him out. (what, he wasn't in the car, he would live)

On the way to said lunch getting, Grandpa Hop decides to come along for the ride. The minute I get on the street. On the windshield wipers no less. He was huge. We all know my love of grasshoppers. He didn't move, rode the whole way, which was probably a good 3 miles. I'm thinking out loud, and saying to him, "dude, you are now miles away from your little family, no hoppityhoppy for you tonight, bwaa-ha-ha" Ok, I'm delusional. He would hook up with someone else. But it made me feel better.

The afternoon is getting worse. By about 3 PM, with my going home time at 4, the phone rings, I pick it up, answer it, and before they got a word out, hang up on them. Didn't even put them on hold. (and yeah, I have my rubber finger on, a girls got to always have protection). Turns out it was an employee from another location, and she called back and threatened me with kicking me so hard that her flip flop would get stuck in my ass. Her words. Good thing my good sense of getting through a angry person came out. You would have all had to come pull me off her!!!
Time to go home. I am behind the white car in the left turn lane to get on the freeway. Dude with the boat was in the right turn lane. Yes, you read that right, the right turn lane. Decided, oh, I think I want to get on the freeway instead. Pulled in front of 2 other lanes of traffic and tried to nudge his way in front of the lead car. Oh, nice, mild mannered Dazee was a hoping, and praying, that someone would run into him. What, 2 times in one day. I have road rage. You know that. Don't even pretend that you didn't hear that come out of my mouth.

There you have it. I really should have called in sick. Because Murphy's Law was out to get me on Monday. Thank goodness I made it home in one piece.