The following little ditty is sung to "tra-la-la-boom-dee-a". For all you young-ins that have no freaking idea what that song it, well you are missing out. la-la-la-la, just clearing out my singing voice. Here goes. It's fri-day flip-off time, it's fri-day flip-off time, it's fri-day flip-off time, it's fri-day flip off time. Yeah, I love friday flip off, so sue me. Thanks to Gigi at Kludgymom for the opportunity to get things out there and out of my head.
Dear people that run over skunks. You stink. You run them over, and then we get the stink for hours on end. Could you try to swerve and not hit them. Really, do you like the br-rump sound as you are sailing over their little bodies. Stop it. For stinking up my car ride the other day, this first one's for you................
To the ice making machine at work. Thanks a hell of a lot for slamming your door down on my hand on Wednesday. I was just trying to clear out some ice that was stuck to your little back wall. Oh but you just wanted to slam down. I was trying to help you. Now I have a nice little bruise on my knuckles. I love you but hate you at the same time. Take this.............
Dear lone egg. WTF. You know who you are. There's one of you in every bunch. You just don't want to be the same as your fellow eggs. Just once I would like to boil some eggs and have all of you look so lovely. You just look so sick and wrong sitting in the pan. For making it so I don't even want to eat you, take this..................
Dear brain. Yes, you, grayish red matter in my skull. What is up with you? How come you tell my mouth to answer the phone at work, and then totally forget who in the hell they asked for the minute you make me put them on hold. Not to mention when I get the "y0u have a text" tone, you make my hand pick up the work phone, and try to answer it. What is wrong with you? You're just lucky you didn't get the double flip. But you are getting this one............................
This weeks prestigious double flip is actually going to 2 different people. The first is to the girl in the Honda, that was way far behind me on my own street, but by the time I got to my house, going the speed limit, you were going so fast, you were right on my bumper as I was turning into my driveway. And you almost plowed into me!!!!!! Slow the F down.
The second double flip goes to the f-er in the Tahoe. Yes you slime ball. You know, when someone is in a lane that must turn, and turns their turn signal on to move over to the lane getting on the freeway, common courtesy allows for said car that is far enough behind to just let them in. Oh no, not you. YOU SPEED UP. And get that "ha-ha" look on your face. I bet you were shocked when I flipped you off in your little suit, being all holier than thou. Oh, and I bet you felt so good that I had to go out of my way because we were on a one way street, to find another entrance on the freeway. You suck and should crash. Yeah, I said it. What you going to do about. Sulk. Some woman got the better of you. Oh I could tell you were that kind of sick man. But guess what? Now all my friends know that you are scum of the earth. You and the girl in the Honda (which both of you happened on the same day), can take a flying crash and take one of the 2 fingers extending their friendship below.........
Ah, I just breathed the biggest sigh of relief. Now I can sleep. Until next week, same bat time, same bat channel.
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