Thursday, June 17, 2010

My New GPS

I have a confession. I'm a GPS virgin. (oh stop it, there are a few things I haven't done, gosh). So, with this new toy that I got, I decided to try it out yesterday morning on my way to work. Why, you ask? Because I'm weird like that, but also, I wanted to know if it was really going to work as I head out on a little trip.

I program in my address. Then I program in my work address. First thing I notice, it wants me to go the opposite way out of my subdivision as I usually go. I ignore her (more on HER later). Her little computer voice says, "recalculating". hehehe, that will show her. Then I get going and she wants me to go further than I usually do to my next turn. Again, I ignore her. "Recalculating". I can hear the scorn in her voice. As if she is saying, "listen bitch, I'm telling you which way to go, NOW LISTEN TO ME". ha, in your dream lady.

The other thing I enjoy is her mispronouncing names of the streets. Yeah, I was giggling out loud. So we get going, and then she tells me, turn right on mispronounced road. She almost sounds pissed, like, if you don't turn I will reach out of here and slap your face. I turn. Then all is quiet. Oh computer lady, where did you go. Finally, she talks again.

Here is what I'm thinking. First of all, I want to be able to pick the voice that I'm listening to. I want a british accent guy, like Hugh Laurie. Take a listen and see what I mean. I'll wait......................................................

....................... oh yeah, I'm a little bit happier now. I can just imagine his voice speaking to me from the GPS. He can even get mad at me if I don't turn. Go ahead Hugh, get mad. I know, I'm a bad girl. :)

Wait, I'm getting off track. I'm going to pretend HE is talking to me now. He gets all quiet. Just me and the radio, traveling down the road. Hugh, talk to me. I want it to be like the commercial where the guy buys his wife a necklace and the GPS gets all mad at him. I want interaction. I want him to ask how my night was. Did I sleep well? Tell me I'm looking hot today. You know, make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Nope, not until we are getting close to my exit does he decide to talk. Then its just, do this, do that. Turn here, I TOLD YOU TO TURN, yeah I'm turning, stop getting so huffy. I'm getting so mad at him, that I make my turn into the road leading into my work, and totally forget that I need to put the code into the gate to open it. Why didn't he say, "Danger Will Robinson, Danger". He thinks he is so much smarter than me. I think not. I could have crashed right into that fence, for all he cared. I thought we had a good thing going. And he didn't even say, "you have reached your final destination".

What, do you think I'm expecting a little to much out of the damn thing? Yes. And why? Because on my little trip coming up, he won't be talking for the longest time. I want him to warn me if I look like I'm getting tired. Or that it is time for me to pee. Or maybe there is a good donut place coming up. You know, all those important things.

A girl can dream, can't she?

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