Dear Gigi at Kludgy Mom. You are my hero. Not only do I live for Friday because, well, it's Friday, but because I can get some rants out. I heart you!!!Let's get this party started, shall we.
To my fine foundation. I don't know what you are trying to pull, but when I'm trying to get you to come out of the bottle, you are playing hard to get. But oh, just once, I tip you over and bam, out you come, foundation on the counter. So, because you started my day off so well, you know where you can put this......oh, and that's the same finger I try to put you on.............................
Dear whatever you were that flew into my eye on Thursday and then caused a film to cover my eyesight. (yes, this is my eye, scary huh) And then you caused all the fine bloodshottedness (yup, I said it), that I had to deal with all day. So, whatever you were, get out of town, and my eye.........and flip off....................................
To the makers of clothes. You suck. And yes, this is the shirt I wore on Thursday (is it me, or is Thursday becoming a pain in my eye, omg, I'm cracking myself up here). I have worn this shirt 3 times. 3 freaking times people, and look at all the little holes it is sprouting. And don't even try to blame it on me being fat. I'm not even going to let you go there. Some of my clothing has lasted for years. But no, not you, so take this and stick it, and you can use one of the holes in my shirt.............................
Dear small bladder in my body and the brain in my head. Thanks so much for the little fight you two were having on Tuesday. Bladder, you are small, I know this for a fact. Not the normal size. Brain, I appreciate that you tried so hard to tell bladder to head to the restroom NOW. Bladder won, and well, I've had 3 kids, need I say more. So to my bladder and brain, please come together, right now-ow-ow, and go pee. (oops,*_* I did it again) Oh, and take this......................................
And now, for this weeks double flip.
Dear Laws that state in order for a divorce to be final, the parties involved must take a class. No, my little chick-a-dee's, it's not me, but a dear friend of mine. Oh yes, poophead decided he wanted a new life, that didn't involve either her or their kids. Proceeds to leave the state. Comes back, causes drama, gets high, crashes his car, is pretty hurt, has to stay with her after he gets out of the hospital. At least she had the smarts to not play into his game. He got well enough to leave, left. Never called the kids. He's a piece of garbage!!!! Finally comes back long enough to sign the house over to her (the best thing he ever did for her), signs the divorce papers, she turns them into the court and voila. Sorry, your divorce won't be over until you two take this class together. Ummm, really, he's out of the state. Don't make her wait any longer. It's been hell. So, to all the makers of laws, you suck. Hope you want a quick divorce sometime. I bet the laws will change again. Until then, with my greatest reward, take the double flip off and shove it up you know where...................times two.................
There we go. I'm feeling better. Oh wait, this week I have a big kiss to give out. Drum roll please, dumdumdumdumdumdum..............
Starbucks. More importantly, the barista that made my drink. I wish I would have thought to ask him if I could take his picture, but I didn't until I was gone. Anyfrappiccino, I got a "get a free drink for your birthday" card in the mail. I got there, asked for a White Chocolate Mocha with Carmel. Oh baby, first he coated the sides of the glass with carmel. Put the whip cream on, asked if I wanted carmel on top of the whip cream, I said hell yes, and so he loaded up the top. Then when he handed it to me, he said, I added a big surprise dollop in the middle. OMG, can you say, heaven. FO, big huge FO. (oh, and mega units of insulin, don't worry, I remembered) So, to the barista at Starbucks, you rock and you are the first winner of the big RED KISS AWARD....................
There you have it. My week in words. How was yours?
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