Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Kamikaze Fly

I'm thinking that there are fly boot camps out there. You know. Recruitment, basic training, drills, graduation. And then, the granddaddy of them all, DEPLOYMENT.

I'm sure in the fly world, there are all ranks of flies.

You have your Private. I'm sure those that just didn't have the skill, are sent to the shit pile. I can hear their captain now. "get over there on the double and bring back some shit".

I'm thinking the Corporals job is the, "bother them while they are eating" group. I can see them in their little training sessions. "what you see here, is a plate with a sandwich, potato salad and a pickle. If you want that squishy sensation, land on the potato salad. You can then take your little arms and rub your faces with it and it will just be like going to the spa".

Then you have the General. The big daddy of them all. He is the guy that you see enter the room, slow and steady, and is soooo huge you can see all his stripes. Notice how all other flies stand at attention when he arrives. He dares you to take the fly swatter to him, knowing that if you do it too hard, his blood and guts will get all over everything. Therefore, you usually just wait for him to go check on the other troops.

But the most elite group is the Kamikaze group. These are the ones that are sent on secret missions. They have been promised 81 fresh cow patties for their mission. They are the ones that will attack your head, your face, your hair. They have no shame. They are going in for the bomb. You in turn, are sitting on the toilet, ready to kill. (what, I was on the toilet, ok, geez). Out of the blue, bbbbuuuuzzzzzzzzzz, hitting you in the head. These guys have no shame. They know that one wrong move, and they are dead. But they don't care, because, they are going to be paid well for the job.

I am making it my mission to take out all Kamikaze Flies. They will not win me. I, WILL, PREVAIL!!!!!!! SAA-LUTE

No comments:

Post a Comment